[ He sees the trouble immediately. (The trouble is not the condom. The trouble is Enri’s sorrow, Enri’s collapse.) Feels himself go still, feels his throat constrict, because he could have prevented this, ought to have prevented this, and to see Enri anguished rends his heart with noxious cold. ]
Oh, Puppy.
[ Gently, fingers curling, he takes hold of Enri’s hand, draws it from Enri’s forehead. Catches the boy’s eyes before nudging him forehead-to-forehead, speaking in a near-whisper— ]
You don’t have to worry about any of that.
[ A moment, another nudge, and Darius draws back to find Enri’s eyes, to brush his hand through Enri’s hair, then set the back of his fingers at Enri’s cheek in subtle pressure. ]
Puppy.
Love, you’ve done nothing wrong.
[ His arm winds close around Enri’s back, drawing Darius nearer still, and he squeezes, holds the pressure. ]
Look at me Puppy, hm? Daddy’s got you.
[ It isn’t Enri’s responsibility to worry over these things. The boy’s endured enough doubt and upsets tonight without believing he’s— What, let Darius down? Failed Darius.
Nothing of the kind. Enri’s done nothing of the kind, and Darius tilts Puppy’s hand to kiss his palm. Keeps hold of Enri’s wrist and strokes his thumb evenly, steadily along a staggered pulse.
If there’s fault here - there is fault here - it lies with Darius. Darius, who has years of experience, who ought to be capable of keeping a clear head and looking better after his Puppy. (Who ought to have saved Enri this turmoil.) (Who ought to have called for a pause, however brief, however much he’d wanted only to bring Enri to euphoric wildness, and to share in that wildness, himself.) (Who ought to have noted the way they sped past the chance for a condom, and ought to have seen the potential trouble to follow. He was a fool, wrapped up in pursuit and in a care that bore within it thoughtlessness toward practicalities.)
Darius should have brought up the matter of transmission weeks ago. Should have mentioned it as soon as he knew that blood would be commonplace between them, that they both hold near-chaotic capacities toward impulse, toward falling into one another’s arms and roiling attentions. And he should have let the boy know there was no cause for alarm. That Darius was careful with the would-be-Puppies he’d chosen before meeting Enri. That he’d checked in on their records beforehand, and had himself tested after.
Really, they might have abandoned the condom shortly after Enri’s return. (As far as he knows, Enri’s clean. Hadn’t Darius sought through the boy’s records early on, and found nothing astray?) (And even if he isn’t— Well. He hadn’t precisely considered it with Enri, but what’s done is done.) (He ought to be tested again. They both ought to. Darius will take care of it.) They ought to have had this talk, then counted themselves free of the necessity of a few extra steps, extra care. It’s something Darius has considered, something he’d intended to bring up several times, but always there had always been other topics more appealing, games to play, and a dearth of hours in which to enjoy themselves, and Darius had let the matter slip away.
A mistake. A series of mistakes. And the result of his neglect is Enri’s worry, Enri’s frustration. Enri’s self-punishing thoughts, when the boy ought to be shining brilliant, lolling without care in afterglow. Darius left Enri in a lurch once again, and there’s a sour feeling in his stomach, and an urge to grit his teeth that he just manages to restrain.
There’s no need to let his irritation with himself bleed outward and infect Enri. Enri has indeed done nothing in error. Enri has already taken on too much blame. (Any blame would be too much. Poor Puppy; he cares so well, and takes perceived mistakes so far to heart.) The least Darius can do is speak with ease, give the boy grounds less fractured to stand on. So when Darius brushes back at Enri’s hair, his smile is smile soft, assuring. ]
Who was the instigator here, hm?
You’re not alone here, Love. I neglected caution. And I ought to have broached the subject weeks ago.
[ He thinks, forgive me, Puppy.
He thinks, I’ve left you to falter again.
These words remain unspoken; the point here isn’t a matter of spreading blame. The point here is to show that there’s no cause to think of blame, certainly not regarding Enri. The point is to draw his Enri from helplessness, from believing he’s erred, or— ]
You’ve brought me ecstasy, and you’ve brought me care. I’m not upset or disappointed in the least, my love. Please; you’ve given Daddy a perfectly divine evening.
[ Here he darts inward, upward. Brushes a kiss to Enri’s forehead, then cups his boyfriend’s cheek. ]
You don’t have anything to worry about, Enri.
Much as I don’t care for doctors, I make a habit of attending to particular necessities. There’s nothing to fear from me; I’m perfectly clean.
And I fear nothing from you.
[ His fingers stroke light along Enri’s cheek, and he holds the sight of pained amber, willing, willing the boy to be well, to be easy. ]
You, my Puppy, my Only One. You who alone will have me. You who are the only man I want, and the only man I’ll have.
I’ll get us tested, hm? For caution's sake.
But you've nothing to apologize for.
You've done no harm.
[ Another kiss for Enri's palm, while Darius's eyes hold fixed on Enri's. ]
no subject
Oh, Puppy.
[ Gently, fingers curling, he takes hold of Enri’s hand, draws it from Enri’s forehead. Catches the boy’s eyes before nudging him forehead-to-forehead, speaking in a near-whisper— ]
You don’t have to worry about any of that.
[ A moment, another nudge, and Darius draws back to find Enri’s eyes, to brush his hand through Enri’s hair, then set the back of his fingers at Enri’s cheek in subtle pressure. ]
Puppy.
Love, you’ve done nothing wrong.
[ His arm winds close around Enri’s back, drawing Darius nearer still, and he squeezes, holds the pressure. ]
Look at me Puppy, hm? Daddy’s got you.
[ It isn’t Enri’s responsibility to worry over these things. The boy’s endured enough doubt and upsets tonight without believing he’s— What, let Darius down? Failed Darius.
Nothing of the kind. Enri’s done nothing of the kind, and Darius tilts Puppy’s hand to kiss his palm. Keeps hold of Enri’s wrist and strokes his thumb evenly, steadily along a staggered pulse.
If there’s fault here - there is fault here - it lies with Darius. Darius, who has years of experience, who ought to be capable of keeping a clear head and looking better after his Puppy. (Who ought to have saved Enri this turmoil.) (Who ought to have called for a pause, however brief, however much he’d wanted only to bring Enri to euphoric wildness, and to share in that wildness, himself.) (Who ought to have noted the way they sped past the chance for a condom, and ought to have seen the potential trouble to follow. He was a fool, wrapped up in pursuit and in a care that bore within it thoughtlessness toward practicalities.)
Darius should have brought up the matter of transmission weeks ago. Should have mentioned it as soon as he knew that blood would be commonplace between them, that they both hold near-chaotic capacities toward impulse, toward falling into one another’s arms and roiling attentions. And he should have let the boy know there was no cause for alarm. That Darius was careful with the would-be-Puppies he’d chosen before meeting Enri. That he’d checked in on their records beforehand, and had himself tested after.
Really, they might have abandoned the condom shortly after Enri’s return. (As far as he knows, Enri’s clean. Hadn’t Darius sought through the boy’s records early on, and found nothing astray?) (And even if he isn’t— Well. He hadn’t precisely considered it with Enri, but what’s done is done.) (He ought to be tested again. They both ought to. Darius will take care of it.) They ought to have had this talk, then counted themselves free of the necessity of a few extra steps, extra care. It’s something Darius has considered, something he’d intended to bring up several times, but always there had always been other topics more appealing, games to play, and a dearth of hours in which to enjoy themselves, and Darius had let the matter slip away.
A mistake. A series of mistakes. And the result of his neglect is Enri’s worry, Enri’s frustration. Enri’s self-punishing thoughts, when the boy ought to be shining brilliant, lolling without care in afterglow. Darius left Enri in a lurch once again, and there’s a sour feeling in his stomach, and an urge to grit his teeth that he just manages to restrain.
There’s no need to let his irritation with himself bleed outward and infect Enri. Enri has indeed done nothing in error. Enri has already taken on too much blame. (Any blame would be too much. Poor Puppy; he cares so well, and takes perceived mistakes so far to heart.) The least Darius can do is speak with ease, give the boy grounds less fractured to stand on. So when Darius brushes back at Enri’s hair, his smile is smile soft, assuring. ]
Who was the instigator here, hm?
You’re not alone here, Love. I neglected caution. And I ought to have broached the subject weeks ago.
[ He thinks, forgive me, Puppy.
He thinks, I’ve left you to falter again.
These words remain unspoken; the point here isn’t a matter of spreading blame. The point here is to show that there’s no cause to think of blame, certainly not regarding Enri. The point is to draw his Enri from helplessness, from believing he’s erred, or— ]
You’ve brought me ecstasy, and you’ve brought me care. I’m not upset or disappointed in the least, my love. Please; you’ve given Daddy a perfectly divine evening.
[ Here he darts inward, upward. Brushes a kiss to Enri’s forehead, then cups his boyfriend’s cheek. ]
You don’t have anything to worry about, Enri.
Much as I don’t care for doctors, I make a habit of attending to particular necessities. There’s nothing to fear from me; I’m perfectly clean.
And I fear nothing from you.
[ His fingers stroke light along Enri’s cheek, and he holds the sight of pained amber, willing, willing the boy to be well, to be easy. ]
You, my Puppy, my Only One. You who alone will have me. You who are the only man I want, and the only man I’ll have.
I’ll get us tested, hm? For caution's sake.
But you've nothing to apologize for.
You've done no harm.
[ Another kiss for Enri's palm, while Darius's eyes hold fixed on Enri's. ]
And you were very, very good.