[ Enri's eyes fix on Darius as though he's a promise of salvation. Before he's done speaking, Enri is nodding along, grasping every word like a lifeline, though once - only once - he tries to interrupt with a weak but-, because the point was he should have been responsible. He should have remembered.
But that's not true. Daddy makes all the decisions, and he could have stopped everything. One word from Darius and Enri would have fallen back obediently, would have followed any command given to him no matter how drunk or aroused he'd been. Darius hadn't made that call.
Which means it wasn't needed.
(Of course it wasn't needed. He knows Darius has been careful. He knows Darius keeps track of all of that with his partners. Keeps careful with them. With himself.) (With Enri.)
He's smiling by the time the final kiss falls against his palm; getting tested is another step towards forever, isn't it? Even if it's just a formality, even if it's just to show willingness to get tested together, so that they can stop with the condoms and just have fun. (It's commitment. That's the word floating dimly to the surface of his thoughts. It's a commitment to be -
Monogamous.
Darius's one and only and always.)
(How many times can he think I'm so goddamned lucky in a night? A week? A lifetime?)
He thinks about telling Darius he's been tested. He gets tested annually for HIV - the only blood test the military runs on all its soldiers. He could give Darius the medical records from right after his return from the Bahamas, the ones that show he's free of STDs and dutifully took PEP even if it made him sick as a goddamn dog now and then while he was overseas.
But that's not the point. The point is the gesture. The point is they're going to be together, stay together, and this is what people do. (Before.) (It doesn't matter 'before what'.) (But deep in the recesses of his brain, a hopeful, if formless, light has begun to spark.)
Nevermind that they're sitting here in a mess of body fluids and disheveled clothes. Nevermind it's not even their apartment. He feels as though this moment in this place is another subtle change in his own world. He feels wonderful. He draws Darius into another kiss, breaking off to murmur love before diving breathlessly in again - careful not to shift his hand from the pressure of the blanket against the knife wound.
When he does ease back, his smile lingers still. ]
It's probably not even for caution's sake by now.
But I like what it means.
[ Something real. Something tangible, to show he and Darius are together for good.
He huffs a little laugh and ducks his head so he can cock an eye at his boyfriend, his love, adding softly - ]
I like what it shows.
[ That Darius is his Only One. That he's wanted. That Enri sees something lasting in the 'us' that began with only a promise of an ending. ]
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But that's not true. Daddy makes all the decisions, and he could have stopped everything. One word from Darius and Enri would have fallen back obediently, would have followed any command given to him no matter how drunk or aroused he'd been. Darius hadn't made that call.
Which means it wasn't needed.
(Of course it wasn't needed. He knows Darius has been careful. He knows Darius keeps track of all of that with his partners. Keeps careful with them. With himself.) (With Enri.)
He's smiling by the time the final kiss falls against his palm; getting tested is another step towards forever, isn't it? Even if it's just a formality, even if it's just to show willingness to get tested together, so that they can stop with the condoms and just have fun. (It's commitment. That's the word floating dimly to the surface of his thoughts. It's a commitment to be -
Monogamous.
Darius's one and only and always.)
(How many times can he think I'm so goddamned lucky in a night? A week? A lifetime?)
He thinks about telling Darius he's been tested. He gets tested annually for HIV - the only blood test the military runs on all its soldiers. He could give Darius the medical records from right after his return from the Bahamas, the ones that show he's free of STDs and dutifully took PEP even if it made him sick as a goddamn dog now and then while he was overseas.
But that's not the point. The point is the gesture. The point is they're going to be together, stay together, and this is what people do. (Before.) (It doesn't matter 'before what'.) (But deep in the recesses of his brain, a hopeful, if formless, light has begun to spark.)
Nevermind that they're sitting here in a mess of body fluids and disheveled clothes. Nevermind it's not even their apartment. He feels as though this moment in this place is another subtle change in his own world. He feels wonderful. He draws Darius into another kiss, breaking off to murmur love before diving breathlessly in again - careful not to shift his hand from the pressure of the blanket against the knife wound.
When he does ease back, his smile lingers still. ]
It's probably not even for caution's sake by now.
But I like what it means.
[ Something real. Something tangible, to show he and Darius are together for good.
He huffs a little laugh and ducks his head so he can cock an eye at his boyfriend, his love, adding softly - ]
I like what it shows.
[ That Darius is his Only One. That he's wanted. That Enri sees something lasting in the 'us' that began with only a promise of an ending. ]