necropolitical: if i were free (if i were not myself)
necropolitical ([personal profile] necropolitical) wrote in [community profile] kingdomsofrain 2024-02-11 03:57 am (UTC)

2/3

You are very open. Much more forthright than I am. That isn't a complaint, or not one about you. Only myself. I feel myself shrinking from such conversations no matter whether I have been intimate with someone or not.

[...]

What you say about wanting to be attentive to me: I understand your meaning, and somehow it feels more personal than if you had asked me about sex. Maybe it's the lack of that kind of intimacy, of knowing another

Well. I agree, one should want to be so to the person who finds them. Attentive. Nothing should be more important than the ones to whom you give your life. Your partner, isn't that so? And your children.

And parents, though they drive you ma

It doesn't eclipse everything other in the world - not entirely. Of course, friends and work and leisure all deserve some measure of time and thought. But I wish my family to come foremost; it's the sort of husband I imagined I would be.

And I will speak ill here, only this once: I was heartbroken that it was taken from me. That chance.

[...]

Maybe it wasn't, after all.

[...]

A dream of mine, as long as I knew I wanted a family, and nevermind whether it would be a husband, a wife, a spouse: to be good, and loving, and attentive, as my father is.

I wished to be the best of husbands. And married the worst of

I shouldn't speak of it attached to talk of you.

Well, but I have, anyhow.

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