I've spoken further to Nova since my initial message to you. Of course I have.
(I've spoken also with Alice Colling. Thank you, Darius. Truly, thank you.)
I [...]
Nova said something to me that set me reeling in a way no one ever has.
He said he can imagine a day when he raises Sergiy as his son, with me. (I am paraphrasing.) He said this, and I didn't balk, Darius. I didn't recoil in defense like I might have if anyone else had said it.
I had to stop myself from answering unwisely.
But [...] I felt it in my bones that he should have been Nova's son. He should have been ours, together. This man, who I have known little more than a week, but who I love so fully, loves my son.
His own mother doesn't love him. Fucking despicable.
Not to be repeated; this is between us alone.
You're right, what you said of her behavior. She takes care of him specifically because I won't have anything less, because I pay for a caregiver and doctors and education and anything he needs or thinks to ask (within reason.) But he tells me things, Darius.
He rarely sees her. She won't touch him.
He says she doesn't like him.
A six year old boy shouldn't say such things about his mother. He shouldn't know these things.
He's smart, though. He's smart and he knows what she's doing, keeping me from him. I haven't spoken against Madeline where he can hear; I tell him his Mama loves him and he fucking corrects me. "Mother, not Mama." To others, this. 'Mother' when he speaks of her.
I ask him what he calls her when he speaks to her; he only shrugs. He says Deforest is no kinder to
Nevermind this.
I don't understand her. He's a little boy. Why keep him this way if she can't love him, eh? Why -
[...]
Ah, до біса це.
I hope the past two years haven't done him damage. His caregiver, Svetla, she's very good to him. Czech woman, but her mother is from Odesa - a friend of Oleksei's mother.
She speaks Ukrainian and English to him.
If things work for the best, I'll keep her with us if she's willing. He needs normalcy.
I'll stay in New York with him for the same.
[...]
Well, and so he can know his godfather.
Nova has mentioned he might like to live there, also.
And I have mentioned I'll do everything in my power to connect him with his children. [...] I haven't mentioned to him what that might entail, of course. But I wonder if you have any thoughts? You're more familiar with the situation than I.
I'd like to do all I can to bring happiness to both of them. My boys.
[...]
He's hardly a boy, though, my Nova. Ah - I mean he is an adult, not anything other about him. I feel that's a disservice to say it. Some of the things he says, Darius. None of them vulgar, but still I feel myself blushing.
How is his fucking voice so deep??? (How is yours, for that matter?)
3/3
(I've spoken also with Alice Colling. Thank you, Darius. Truly, thank you.)
I [...]
Nova said something to me that set me reeling in a way no one ever has.
He said he can imagine a day when he raises Sergiy as his son, with me. (I am paraphrasing.) He said this, and I didn't balk, Darius. I didn't recoil in defense like I might have if anyone else had said it.
I had to stop myself from answering unwisely.
But [...] I felt it in my bones that he should have been Nova's son. He should have been ours, together. This man, who I have known little more than a week, but who I love so fully, loves my son.
His own mother doesn't love him. Fucking despicable.
Not to be repeated; this is between us alone.
You're right, what you said of her behavior. She takes care of him specifically because I won't have anything less, because I pay for a caregiver and doctors and education and anything he needs or thinks to ask (within reason.) But he tells me things, Darius.
He rarely sees her. She won't touch him.
He says she doesn't like him.
A six year old boy shouldn't say such things about his mother. He shouldn't know these things.
He's smart, though. He's smart and he knows what she's doing, keeping me from him. I haven't spoken against Madeline where he can hear; I tell him his Mama loves him and he fucking corrects me. "Mother, not Mama." To others, this. 'Mother' when he speaks of her.
I ask him what he calls her when he speaks to her; he only shrugs.
He says Deforest is no kinder to
Nevermind this.
I don't understand her. He's a little boy. Why keep him this way if she can't love him, eh? Why -
[...]
Ah, до біса це.
I hope the past two years haven't done him damage. His caregiver, Svetla, she's very good to him. Czech woman, but her mother is from Odesa - a friend of Oleksei's mother.
She speaks Ukrainian and English to him.
If things work for the best, I'll keep her with us if she's willing. He needs normalcy.
I'll stay in New York with him for the same.
[...]
Well, and so he can know his godfather.
Nova has mentioned he might like to live there, also.
And I have mentioned I'll do everything in my power to connect him with his children. [...] I haven't mentioned to him what that might entail, of course. But I wonder if you have any thoughts? You're more familiar with the situation than I.
I'd like to do all I can to bring happiness to both of them. My boys.
[...]
He's hardly a boy, though, my Nova. Ah - I mean he is an adult, not anything other about him. I feel that's a disservice to say it. Some of the things he says, Darius. None of them vulgar, but still I feel myself blushing.
How is his fucking voice so deep??? (How is yours, for that matter?)