I don't mean it this way. It's nothing to do with you or that you're a man. You are a man, my Nova, and always have been.
But I thought [...] and think. If I had known you so many years ago, maybe you would have been Sergiy's father. I don't know if this is even a possibility for someone who transitioned, to be a biological parent.
Eh, even if it had been you and me and a woman to [...] [...] donation. No, no - donate. A surrogate.
You could have been his father with me.
[...]
His life would have been so much better with you for a father, Nova. He would have been happier than he is.
...This is something I shouldn't say to you. Well, none of it is. But this, as well: he's unhappy. It breaks my heart to hear him speak as he does.
[...]
She never wanted children, you see.
He isn't permitted to call her anything but Mother and Madeline. He sees her only sometimes; a woman I hired cares for him.
This seems cruel to me.
[...]
It seems cruel to me that you love him more than his own mother, and that once, there was even the smallest chance he could have been your son, instead.
[...]
I suppose while I'm saying unspeakable things, I'll say also that I married her and thought I felt love. I could have known you and [...] well. Now I have something to compare with my feelings for her.
We would have been happy. I feel this in the marrow of my bones, Nova. There was no reason for keeping me from knowing you that could justify any of the unhappiness that you, or I, or Sergiy have lived.
[...]
But we have 'husband' on a shelf, isn't that so? We'll put 'Sergiy's Da' beside it, in case he loves you. (I believe he will. He takes after me.)
(I didn't say the words! This, it doesn't count.)
[...]
Please don't think poorly of me for saying such things. Above all else, I mean to say that I believe in the rightness of you for myself - and for him.
2/2
I don't mean it this way. It's nothing to do with you or that you're a man. You are a man, my Nova, and always have been.
But I thought [...] and think. If I had known you so many years ago, maybe you would have been Sergiy's father. I don't know if this is even a possibility for someone who transitioned, to be a biological parent.
Eh, even if it had been you and me and a woman to [...] [...] donation. No, no - donate. A surrogate.
You could have been his father with me.
[...]
His life would have been so much better with you for a father, Nova. He would have been happier than he is.
...This is something I shouldn't say to you. Well, none of it is. But this, as well: he's unhappy. It breaks my heart to hear him speak as he does.
[...]
She never wanted children, you see.He isn't permitted to call her anything but Mother and Madeline. He sees her only sometimes; a woman I hired cares for him.
This seems cruel to me.
[...]
It seems cruel to me that you love him more than his own mother, and that once, there was even the smallest chance he could have been your son, instead.
[...]
I suppose while I'm saying unspeakable things, I'll say also that I married her and thought I felt love. I could have known you and [...] well. Now I have something to compare with my feelings for her.
We would have been happy. I feel this in the marrow of my bones, Nova. There was no reason for keeping me from knowing you that could justify any of the unhappiness that you, or I, or Sergiy have lived.
[...]
But we have 'husband' on a shelf, isn't that so? We'll put 'Sergiy's Da' beside it, in case he loves you. (I believe he will. He takes after me.)
(I didn't say the words! This, it doesn't count.)
[...]
Please don't think poorly of me for saying such things. Above all else, I mean to say that I believe in the rightness of you for myself - and for him.