It's strange to think of someone caring for me. I mean to say - in practical ways, not in the sense of emotional caring.
[...]
[...]
I suppose it's so that men like me should be the one providing - and I don't complain about this. I want to provide for my family. For you.
See, this thought makes me smile.
[...]
This is a difficult conversation. It's more than just Madeline and our marriage. Here, there are [...] expectations of men who look like me, who come from families like mine.
[...]
Being homosexual is [...] a failing of character. So is the want for care.
...Homosexual, bisexual, either one.
No, I shouldn't
I
It's only that
Eh, forgive me. This subject gives me some anxiety. No, no, you don't need to reassure me, don't worry.
It's only that it's hard to call myself these things, even if they're true. Even if I think once I see you, once I'm with you, I'll feel happiness in the truth. This is remembered fear; I spent many years afraid I would be discovered. Better to make myself strong and capable, do all the things men do here.
[...]
No picnics with crayfish, you see how it is?
There's nothing I wish to hide; I don't think I care very much for women at all. But that word still makes me feel someone will catch me doing what I shouldn't.
So does saying I want you to care for me as I care for you.
3/3
It's strange to think of someone caring for me. I mean to say - in practical ways, not in the sense of emotional caring.
[...]
[...]
I suppose it's so that men like me should be the one providing - and I don't complain about this. I want to provide for my family. For you.
See, this thought makes me smile.
[...]
This is a difficult conversation. It's more than just Madeline and our marriage. Here, there are [...] expectations of men who look like me, who come from families like mine.
[...]
Being homosexual is [...] a failing of character. So is the want for care.
...Homosexual, bisexual, either one.
No, I shouldn't
I
It's only that
Eh, forgive me. This subject gives me some anxiety. No, no, you don't need to reassure me, don't worry.
It's only that it's hard to call myself these things, even if they're true. Even if I think once I see you, once I'm with you, I'll feel happiness in the truth. This is remembered fear; I spent many years afraid I would be discovered. Better to make myself strong and capable, do all the things men do here.
[...]
No picnics with crayfish, you see how it is?
There's nothing I wish to hide; I don't think I care very much for women at all. But that word still makes me feel someone will catch me doing what I shouldn't.
So does saying I want you to care for me as I care for you.
Well, it feels selfish, as well.