Eh. I asked you to imagine me there, not for you to come here and haunt me all afternoon. c; 💙
Well. It made the work go faster for me, but the day was much too slow. How long now until I'm with you?
[...]
I should tell you, we're remaining in Kyiv for the night. Don't worry; we're [...] safe. As safe as people can be here, you understand. I won't lie to you and say there isn't fighting, or that night isn't the worst time, but the military intercepts missiles very well now.
[...]
It's strange to think of you when I'm here. It's difficult to imagine a life together, all the joy and [...] warmth we would have, and how our children will be safe. Happy. I think of this and then look at the faces of people here. They still live their lives, that's so. They take happiness and comfort wherever they can. But also, I see the exhaustion. I see how much this war strains them.
That life with you seems so far from me tonight, Vevay.
It seems like something I don't deserve, maybe. Or no more than anyone else here. It seems unfair that I'm able to leave and take my family with me.
I'll tell you something, eh? I thought maybe Madeline was what I deserve. A trade for having my Sergiy. Maybe it balanced some scales, so that I wasn't happier than anyone else when the Russians came.
I know it isn't [...] rational thinking. It's selfish thinking, paradoxically - to say that the universe cares so much about balance with one person, or that the war is personal to me in that way.
But still, I feel guilty in wishing I could be there with you, lying in your arms. (Eh, but I don't want you here, either.)
I spoke with Andrii about this a little. He said I overcomplicate things, then he asked me something that I can't stop contemplating. What matters more to me: my guilt, or what you want? What makes you and Sergiy happy? Maybe, he said, I should ask instead if it's selfish to worry about philosophical things when I have a child and a [...] boyfriend who need me.
[...]
He said наречений. I had to correct him. I wish I hadn't, it sounded so wonderful
Vevay, would you tell me those things are true? Do you need me? Would our life together make you happy?
2/2
Eh. I asked you to imagine me there, not for you to come here and haunt me all afternoon. c; 💙
Well. It made the work go faster for me, but the day was much too slow. How long now until I'm with you?
[...]
I should tell you, we're remaining in Kyiv for the night. Don't worry; we're [...] safe. As safe as people can be here, you understand. I won't lie to you and say there isn't fighting, or that night isn't the worst time, but the military intercepts missiles very well now.
[...]
It's strange to think of you when I'm here. It's difficult to imagine a life together, all the joy and [...] warmth we would have, and how our children will be safe. Happy. I think of this and then look at the faces of people here. They still live their lives, that's so. They take happiness and comfort wherever they can. But also, I see the exhaustion. I see how much this war strains them.
That life with you seems so far from me tonight, Vevay.
It seems like something I don't deserve, maybe. Or no more than anyone else here. It seems unfair that I'm able to leave and take my family with me.
I'll tell you something, eh? I thought maybe Madeline was what I deserve. A trade for having my Sergiy. Maybe it balanced some scales, so that I wasn't happier than anyone else when the Russians came.
I know it isn't [...] rational thinking. It's selfish thinking, paradoxically - to say that the universe cares so much about balance with one person, or that the war is personal to me in that way.
But still, I feel guilty in wishing I could be there with you, lying in your arms. (Eh, but I don't want you here, either.)
I spoke with Andrii about this a little. He said I overcomplicate things, then he asked me something that I can't stop contemplating. What matters more to me: my guilt, or what you want? What makes you and Sergiy happy? Maybe, he said, I should ask instead if it's selfish to worry about philosophical things when I have a child and a [...] boyfriend who need me.
[...]
He said наречений. I had to correct him. I wish I hadn't, it sounded so wonderfulVevay, would you tell me those things are true? Do you need me? Would our life together make you happy?
Please, quiet my mind as only you can.