[ She was crying that was his fault maybe she's still crying and he's going to reach forward, try clumsily try to wipe away her tears if there are tears, maybe the trace of tears. She just wanted to visit her not-shitty family she just came home now she's sad, sad, sad.
A thought, arbitrary but striking with all the weight of truth: If his parrot was here, no one would be sad.
A resonance: 'Hurt your real family.''Break our hearts.'
(A warmth, vanished quickly under shame's resurgence: 'You're important. You're loved.')
He doesn't want to break her heart. Wallace's heart. Break other people's hearts sure, a lot of people suck a lot, but not them. His real real family.
Wallace didn't... Treavor doesn't remember Wallace saying much during the drive home, or after they'd come in. Was Wallace disappointed, too? Treavor had been thinking about Amaryllis. Treavor had been thinking elsewhere. Maybe Wallace hadn't talked because Wallace also was so sad.
Partly Treavor wants to crawl away, shrink into nothing. Because doesn't he always fuck things up this way? Isn't the feeling of being a disappointment familiar, but no, no, isn't it worse where she's involved? He doesn't like disappointing Wallace. He doesn't like disappointing Katrina. It was all fun and fine and good and he was feeling all right with Sheldon and Sheldon's mysterious aunt and Sheldon's aunt's mysterious fuckboy, when did things or how did things where did things go wrong?
He can't trace that way. Can't hold anything long enough to locate. What wasn't safe? He wants to... She's asking. She wants him to be safe? But what if he doesn't know what that means or how or where, because parrots are safe and friends (?? maybe ? friends ??) are safe and he doesn't see where an okay good time became suddenly unsafe? ]
no subject
A thought, arbitrary but striking with all the weight of truth: If his parrot was here, no one would be sad.
A resonance: 'Hurt your real family.' 'Break our hearts.'
(A warmth, vanished quickly under shame's resurgence: 'You're important. You're loved.')
He doesn't want to break her heart. Wallace's heart. Break other people's hearts sure, a lot of people suck a lot, but not them. His real real family.
Wallace didn't... Treavor doesn't remember Wallace saying much during the drive home, or after they'd come in. Was Wallace disappointed, too? Treavor had been thinking about Amaryllis. Treavor had been thinking elsewhere. Maybe Wallace hadn't talked because Wallace also was so sad.
Partly Treavor wants to crawl away, shrink into nothing. Because doesn't he always fuck things up this way? Isn't the feeling of being a disappointment familiar, but no, no, isn't it worse where she's involved? He doesn't like disappointing Wallace. He doesn't like disappointing Katrina. It was all fun and fine and good and he was feeling all right with Sheldon and Sheldon's mysterious aunt and Sheldon's aunt's mysterious fuckboy, when did things or how did things where did things go wrong?
He can't trace that way. Can't hold anything long enough to locate. What wasn't safe? He wants to... She's asking. She wants him to be safe? But what if he doesn't know what that means or how or where, because parrots are safe and friends (?? maybe ? friends ??) are safe and he doesn't see where an okay good time became suddenly unsafe? ]
I need to learn. I think?
'm sorry. Real real. I'm sorry, hey.