tfln open post

[byanyname]

***

either leave a message (or set of muses) for one of my assholes, or request a message from one of them. choose messages from the classic source, from your own skull, or whatever you may please.

Comments

Haymitch

[primreaper]

And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet

[drowningthedays]

my survival skills at work. first thing they teach you after the arena's how to drink without splitting yr skull or drowning in yr expulsions. all the necessary blackouts, none of the dead victors

Ham the Man

[agraveman]

When God made him he put all his talent in his dick.
What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.

[ofinfinitespace]

Mercutio.

Mercutio, why.

Hatmitch

[anniesgonemad]

Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?

[drowningthedays]

jurys still out on that. havent gotten up yet. my guess is both.

Grand R

[jondrette]

See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.

[fitofgrandair]

Our moments of altruism will be the end of us. A sad fact.

The comfort is, O Tree of Pining, there are more dicks in the world than are dreamt of in your or even in my own imagining.

billy <3

[ivegotmypride]

we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies

nance. (.......................<3) [1/2]

[readyoualecture]

what?
what i dont gets what we need flowers for anyway. they aint practical nance.

anyone, yolo ur know how I roll part 1

[scalpedsociety]

1. He called his dick the "gentle giant"

2. The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.

3. i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.

3 (and i willll probably throw in someone else as a response to another number. because of course.)

[byanyname]

Yeahhh, but your fingers're so nice the way they are.

Not that I'm sayin you'd be a troll with three fingers. You know that ain't a thought in my mind. ;)

anyone, yolo ur know how I roll part 2

[riveres]

1. She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened

2. So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night

3. you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

3 (because who the fuck else)

[byanyname]

Wrong with me? Try wrong with the guy who made sure I spent that evening sighing my little heart out cause I couldn't sneak off with Petey.

anyone, yolo ur know how I roll part 3

[puppet_mistressofhell]

1. She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....

2. Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?

3. I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..

3

[yesterdaysheadliner]

Aren't you talented.

I hope you bought yourself a celebratory tiramisu.

anyone, yolo u know how I roll part 4

[nuns4money]

1.just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day

2. I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.

3. The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.

1

[phillysfinest]

You don't say. Sounds like a winning combination to me.

For Carson, because apparently hitmen text or something

[sliceofapple]

Since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: do. not. fuck with me.

obvs they do

[broughtyouflowers]

I get the sense you're gonna be a riot.

It's Lorne, right? Lorne, I've got no interest in pissing in your cornflakes or whatever's got you worked up. I'm quiet as they come. Could be you wont even know I'm around.

For the Boardwalk crowd

[makingastatement]

im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

this was a mass text, wasnt it?

[byanyname]

I dunno, pal. I try to stay inside when artichokes're on the prowl. They give me the shivers, oooooooo.

Langy-ford

[bunco]

somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing sea creatures for children

[drfrankentree]

I'll try to suppress my surprise.

I hope they were wholesome sea creatures. None of those subaqueous parasites we hear so much about.

For Daud

[ofwovenstone]

Do you know someone named Mitsuhide Akechi?

He appears to know Xu Shu.

He texted me recently. Although I'm not entirely sure how he got my number.

[excultro]

[ He goes cold all over. Feels his insides drop and yes, he’d half anticipated this, knew it was a possibility, but that it had happened...

He had. The bastard had dared.

And Daud has a good idea of how Mitsuhide had gotten her number. ]

What did he say.

thomas/arthur williams | dishonored (sleepy hollow au-style)

[reformedwhaler]

1) Why were you eating leaves?

2) I'm told I said I was a responsible adult, then licked the wall.

3) I'm love my Wife. She'ss such a good wife??? wHt a nice lady. Give her anawawrd! iI will kiss hr when i see her!! With flowers,, flower kiss! <3 <# <# <<3 Bes t wife 10/10 10000/10 where is she i ned to flwerr kiss her!!??!

4) You threw a potted plant and told the guy to get his life together.

5) It recalls fond memories of finger painting at one in the morning.

6) [text him]

3

[lostyourheart]

Does your lovely wife know you've gotten into the wine, Heer Williams?

She is indeed a nice lady, and should not be subjected to mopping you up.

treavor pendleton | dishonored modern au

[sweatycoward]

1) Hello this is agreeting from the fountain i Live here now I'm never comingg back I guess its good.

2) Shh shhh shh don't touch Do not touch Wallace's cowboy hat he will cowboy kick you to the sun. I learned this once he put me in the time out chair. :c :c

3) Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.

4) I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.

1

[thatminx]

What the fuck

Treavor you were right behind me five minutes ago

Where's Wallace

HOW

Tell me which fountain, I'll come get you.

treavor pendleton | dishonored modern au

[sweatycoward]

1) Do you know who is an unnderrted friend? lawn flamingos!
shh sh i gave one a small cowboy hat ha ha

2) Hiding in the clothes rack like a four-year-old. Already scared three people. I told Wallace I didn't want to go shopping. :/

3) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME my balloon keeps me safe!!
ha ha it is not my birthday
ha ha shh dont tell
this balloon isnot mine :o

4) See they think it's funny dropping me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't keep waking up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are giving me Looks. Also I think a squirrel bit me. And there are bears here?
No wait that's a fake bear false alarm.

5) There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. Hello hair man?
Sheldon says this is how horror movies start. Pretty sure this is how Treavor getting punched in the face starts. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?

6) Mmy tater tots were stolen. :c

5

[thatminx]

I knew I should have made you come with me to visit my parents.

Probably a bad idea. What kind of hair?

Treavor Pendleton | Dishonored

[loyalless]

1) Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C. Verdict forthcoming.

2) When she heard the news, I believe her first words were, 'Where ever will you find space for a wife in the midst of all those empty bottles?'

3) Oh, please. I get a little bitchy. We all know that.

4) Thinking of telling what's-her-name I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my study to go sit literally anywhere else and wait for her to finish cleaning up the empty bottles.

5) Just in case I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral. And FYI? It's going to be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

6) They were having a wine tasting so I tasted every wine... then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... I told THEM to leave and that they wouldn't know a good vintage if it bit them in the ass... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out.

2

[lostyourheart]

Isn't she charming.

Just how long has your drinking been a subject for ridicule? I feel it might be an overused punchline by this point.

These are the same people who keep revisiting the topic of hogs when they deign to speak to me, though. I suppose originality is too much to ask...

treavor pendleton | dishonored

[loyalless]

1) Maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attached. That always gets me.

2) I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight.

3) What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

4) I'm sorry I got drunk, then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.

Wait you know what, no I'm not. I'm not sorry. You have terrible taste.

5) I am NOT overreacting. THE COW IS STARING AT ME. I know it's up to something. If you don't hear from me again, you'll know who the culprit is.

6) Don't act as if you didn't hear every word.

Did you know, when she says my name, I feel as if— Be smug all you like, but it IS better than wine.

6

[lostyourheart]

I shall be extremely smug, and insufferable as well. Completely intolerable for at least a week.

There will be no living with me now.

But. You really ought to send those messages to their intended recipient.

treavor pendleton | dishonored modern au

[sweatycoward]

1) i have no idea why he's mad that i came home at 4 am & all i want to do is eat eggos. its not waffles fault. :c

2) 40 FOOT. NEON. PARROT!!!

3) Hey, I'M not the one who opened a tab at the bar and told me about it. That's not on me.

4) You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.

5) i followed the baby ducks to find their home but then they disappeared now i am beneath this bush all alone just by the pond alone. goodbye ducks. :c

5.

[scalpedsociety]

Well the ducks are gone. Leave.

treavor pendleton | dishonored

[loyalless]

1) Of course I'm judging you. Two glasses of wine and you turn into a walking wreck. Drinking from a hagfish tin, singing sea shanties, shouting that you'll 'fight the entire Abbey with one hand tied behind your back.' Oh, and begging everyone within sight to play hide and seek with you.

2) Oh please. If god wanted me to love humanity, he wouldn't have populated this planet with witless shitstains.

3) Funny. FUNNY. They gave me a snuffbox. Urged me to open it. A trio of fake snakes popped out. Open mouths, plastic fangs. If you need me, I'll be drinking myself senseless.

4) :3 :3 :3

5) PLease protecct me it is late and darkand sad. Also I would like anther wine. I am a lonely creachure so lonly.

4 and 5, let's go nightmare >:o - 1/2

[lostyourheart]

Dearest and most lonely of creatures,

If you wish for a reply from me, you must send me messages when I am not occupied by the amorous pawings of our mutual friend.

Or send for me directly, with some suggestion of emergency, so that I might have reason to extract myself sooner. As it was, I was left to endure my own miseries, and discretion prohibited me from looking too frequently for some word from you.

In any case, I am here now, and determined to alleviate your loneliness. Alas, I can do nothing about the darkness, or the lateness of the hour, or your lack of another wine. Shall I come to you, and distract you from your torments?

Yours, ever yours,
Katrina

with katrina (nightmare mode)

[loyalless]

( continued from here.)

1/2

[loyalless]

Oh, no, I It isn't that

[ ... ]

Would you like me to ask questions of you? I [ ... ] wasn't certain whether—

Mm. I didn't know whether you might prefer that the past 'remain buried.' You've mentioned little enough about your origins, and I [ ... ] expected you might prefer silence for a reason. You've mentioned a husband You've mentioned [ ... ] certain grisly events, and I [ ... ] shouldn't like to open old - or not-so-old - wounds.

Besides, I imagine you've had your fill of unwanted prying from my fellow nobles.

[ ... ]

[ ... ]

If you cared to speak of your prior circumstances, you would have my whole attention.

Regarding the rest, I wasn't aware we were awarding merits, as well. Not that it matters; precious few on this entire Isle would bear such bestowal.

And who was it this time? Sheldon's had his share of barbed rejections; it's what comes of offering an open heart.

wallace higgins to katrina (nightmare mode)

[loyalless]

Mrs. Van Tassel,

This is Wallace Higgins. I am speaking to you through the phone of an acquaintance unknown to the family I serve.

I must know whether you seen or heard from Lord Pendleton. This is a matter of some urgency.

-WH

[lostyourheart]

Mr. Higgins,

Thank God. I would have contacted you far sooner, but thought it unwise that I do so directly.

Lord Pendleton is with me; you have my word that he is quite safe.

He happened upon me as I was returning to Anna Pendleton's home. I believe he had been wandering in the rain for some time, and without a coat. I have been administering to his care since then. He is recovering well, but has expressed concern for you on several occasions.

If you are able to do so, please come.

- Katrina

to katrina (nightmare mode)

[halfdozenoftheother]

You know your prince was getting it from the Royal Spymaster.

Until the tides turned.

[lostyourheart]

I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.

[...]

I do wish you would tell me whether you are Morgan or Custis.

remix aka one more time with treavor please don't

[loyalless]

I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.

[lostyourheart]

[ How they avoid one another. How well it suits them both, she thinks, or had thought: he, rankling, and she, disquieted by this marriage and all the factors that forced them together.

She has been kind, for what else can she do for this stranger, this useless youngest, cast into exile here with her? Give him space, let him live his days in whatever peace he finds - even if it comes at the bottom of a bottle. She needs nothing from him. Expects nothing. (Poor creature. Useless even to his wife. Let him seek oblivion if he requires.)

While he drowns in liquor, she buries herself in books. She seeks nothing and no-one beyond her own little library.

So. This message, interrupting the quieter hours of the evening normally devoted to their respective drowning and burying is...odd.

Crass.

...A little amusing. ]

Are you particularly adept at it when drunk?

Or do I possess some unsuspected appeal to the inebriated eye?

morgan pendleton | dishonored

[halfdozenoftheother]

1) The stains are permanent. Something to remember.

2) I'm weary of her presence. Snide bitch, fucking that useless rattle of spunk like he's a prize. Showing her face as if she deserves to eat beside us.

3) Better to puncture his eye than spit in it. Finish the job in a single stroke. Don't waste your slaver.

4) If I were ruined. If I were made nothing, found almost a carcass at your feet. What then?

4

[harpsibored]

The answer differs, if it was or was not I who ruined you.

You made me nothing, once.

More than once.

[...]

We are speaking of the "was not", however.

[ That was a bid for time, if anything; she needs a moment to consider the question. It throws her.

She doesn't like the thought of it. The mind's-eye vision of him rendered weak.

(Somewhere deep, a stirring of protest. An inclination towards - keeping him whole. Sound. Far from ruin.

How she would carve out vengeance for him.) ]

Would I want you still, I wonder.

A broken toy.

Broken man.