kingdomsofrain | tfln open post

1) i have no idea why he's mad that i came home at 4 am & all i want to do is eat eggos. its not waffles fault. :c

2) 40 FOOT. NEON. PARROT!!!

3) Hey, I'M not the one who opened a tab at the bar and told me about it. That's not on me.

4) You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.

5) i followed the baby ducks to find their home but then they disappeared now i am beneath this bush all alone just by the pond alone. goodbye ducks. :c

Well the ducks are gone. Leave.

they might come back.

oi miss them.

just wanted to pet ne right on the head make a friend. BIRDS LIKE ME.

What makes you so sure that birds like you?

Do you have a voice like a cartoon princess?

fff. cartoon JACKASSS more like.

actual jackass, too. actua; jackass treavor pendleton; thats ME.

no i have a bird?? she likes me. talks to me. i miss her but maybe if i can ducks? something. someting. anyway they flock to me ha.

Awww, what's her name?

Amaryllis!!

best bird in the world she even tells shitty people to fuck right off. <33 you should know her. meet her. best bird.

Such a sassy girl.❤️ I would love to meet her.

help me i am an office memo

Hey.

Hey.

One of these says "Mrs. Treavor" and I'm keeping it.

I was TRYING to remember your last name, but I couldn't. For a while I was pretty sure it was 'Van Fancy,' but Wallace reminded me that you changed you name.

Helpful, helpful Wallace. Who didn't bother to provide the name in question. Hm.

He DID provide the periwinkle post-its, so I guess that's something.

...You know what. There's probably a note that says 'The Former Ms. Van Fancy.'

If I ever delve into the romance genre, that's going to be my penname. Katrina Van Fancy.

Let me see.

":)" is on my right knee.

One has a doodle of a parrot and a clownfish, with some hearts.

There's one that says "Buy Eggos". I think that might be for Wallace.

Did you know you're the most adorable human being alive? I would like you to be aware of that. Don't worry; I won't tell. Wouldn't want you to relinquish your Punk Lagoon Monster status.

Best secret keeper. <3 That'll be a post-it next time.

Hey did the colors work for you or should I stock up on something else? Maybe neons, for a technicolor sleeping experience?

I would buy a book by Katrina Van Fancy.

Then I would ask the author to sign it for me.

And sign me with a kiss. c;

Hello, Flirt Police? I need you to connect me with the Nerd Squad.

There's some seriously Nerdy Flirting happening on my block.

If a patrol isn't sent around in the next five minutes, I'm going to have to sign my local Nerd Deviant with kisses. Extreme dorkiness calls for extreme measures.

[...]

Pink, please. c:

BETRAYAL!! MY VERY OWN WIFE HAS BETRAYED ME!! :o

Good thing I'm the Deviant variety of Nerd. It just so happens I have lots of deviant friends... okay, deviant acquaintances who've cut off all lines of communication leading to the Nerd Squad. You might just need to pull out those extreme measures!

All the stops, Mrs. Treavor. All. The. Stops. Or who knows what else certified Nerd Deviant Mr. Katrina might get up to??

Noted, and preparations have begun. Adding all the shades of pink I can find to my Amazon cart. And my etsy cart. And... I don't know, where do Organization Nerds get their hot supplies?

If I have to pull out all the stops, I'll just have to cancel those reinforcements. Kiss signings, unlike book signings, must be done alone, in the privacy of one's bedroom.

Curse you and your deviant friends-slash-acquaintances-slash-it's-probably-Wallace-or-me.

Or Chauncey.

Organization Nerds get their hot supplies from specialty shops online. And France. And sometimes Mexico.

I mean, Chauncey's definitely a deviant, but I don't think he'd—

Shit, do you think Chauncey's a nerd? Like, a deviant nerd?

...I.

Huh, all those shitty jokes, the suspenders. The calculator on his desk! The pocket protectors. The evidence was there all along and I never realized!

Kat. Kid. I think Chauncey might be one of my brethren? :o

Okay but on a not-Chauncey note, guess I'm gonna have to hit up by Organization Nerd contact, see if they can hook me up with those specialty shops. Hmmm. The only question is WHICH nerd contact to hit up, because it just so happened I'm surrounded by Organization Nerds.

Chauncey is definitely a deviant nerd. I'm surprised it took you this long. The sweaty ergonomic pillow and deep abiding love of The Far Side comics were a dead giveaway.

You should pick the prettiest Organization Nerd, ply them with very sweet words and maybe an intense cuddling session. Pretty Organization Nerds really go for that.

To be fair, Chauncey's been 'Grouchy Old Dude' for a while now. I'm talking Default Curmudgeon, Grandpa-in-the-Corner, 'Get off my lawn you kids,' that shit. I thought the pillow and the Larsen were like. Old people things?

Also hey, HEY excuse you not all Deviant Nerds have ergonomic pillows of any kind in fact 50% of the Deviant Nerds I know do NOT have any such thing.

And hold the fuck up why am I stuck with Chauncey? You get Wallace in your club, no fair. :/ Pretty nerd and nerd with the kickass mustache. Two nerds with hearts of gold. Not fair.

But hey, if you don't mind cuddling one of the sweaty nerds, I guess I should just count myself a lucky deviant. c;

I mind cuddling with sweaty nerds if they're not you. Let's make sure we're clear on that: I'm not cuddling the Default Curmudgeon.

Only two people get my Grade A Specialty Cuddles anymore. And only one of those two gets to count himself 'lucky' ;)

And before you ask what I'm wearing and escalate that conversation: remember the sticky notes.

Yeah I mean that's wise of you. YOU'VE seen Default Curmudgeon's back pillow. You don't want to end up looking like that. :/

Okay wait, no, I don't mean— Kid, you know there's no way on this shit planet you'd ever look like an ages-old sweat-stained back pillow. I didn't mean that. (And if I need to prove it to you, I can tell you what I'M wearing. ;) ;) ;) ...It's work clothes. I am dressed for terrible work. :/ Underneath I am sweaty already. That's your titillating Mr. Katrina update.)

(Wait I'm wearing sunglasses THAT'S sexy, I bet. Hey, what are the sexy rules of clothes? I don't actually know?)

I miss your Grade A Specialty Cuddles. It has been nearly seven hours, Kat. Nearly seven hours with no Grade A Specialty Cuddles, or Wife Cuddles of any kind!

I'm not really sure about the sexy rules of clothes. I'm wearing a koala onesie and sticky notes over the -

Hold on.

[...]

Purple underwear. Matched set, of course, because I'm a LADY. (Read: A-type personality who can't exist with mismatched underwear.) Not that it matters under a >>>koala onesie<<<<.

But I happen to think YOU look great in just about anything. Special place in my heart, of course, for soft t-shirts right after a shower, when your stomach's still warm. Best time of day. (Does that count for sexy? I think that just counts for Comforting.)

Hm. You know, I've never really thought about what I find " " " sexy " " " about male aesthetics. It's more what you do, and how you do it. General 'you', male species. Specific 'you', as well. See for reference the way I keep lurking while you shave.

Hey. Hey! One more hour! One hour to husband and Wife Cuddles! (No Specialty Cuddles for a while, as the other W is home and looks like he could use some serious Punk Cuddling, too. I'm doing my best, but this is an all-the-stops issue. BUT. You get W Sandwich now, and I'll make the Grade A into a Midnight Special. ;) Lucky, lucky Fish. )

Sure I mean, of course I look killer in everything. I'm the avatar of sexy. That's just facts, kid.

Not that I can hope to outclass my wife, styling in her onesie and (!!) purple (!!) underwear (how risqué!).

Hey, that's something else you and my other W have in common: you both rock the purple undies.

...I hate that I said undies. I would erase it, delete it, but erasure could never undo my sin. Forgive me, Katrina, for I have erred greatly. My life, my soul is forfeit.

What the fuuuck.

Better topic: you lurking while I share. Please do lurk. It keeps me honest. Keeps me shaving. See all the work I do, just to be the avatar of sexy, just for you!

[ ... ]

Shit, he was supposed to talk to Cecelia today. I'll send him a message, see what's up.

Hey, maybe I should be home something special for W Sandwich time? IDK what, because I'm pretty sure the answer's not liquor. ...Help?

Give me an hour, I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of both of you. Dreaming about that Midnight Special all the while. c;

Oh Great and Powerful Avatar of Sexy,

I regret to inform you that the purple underwear are cotton, and therefore ineligible for the Risqué Factor. I think the other W's are also cotton, so we're probably not taking strides to be Sexiest Trio here. You're going to have to pull everyone's weight on the Sexy front.

At least you didn't call them 'panties'. That's a gross word. Panties. Panties. :c gross

Give W some times to nap before you message him. He made a beeline for the bedroom and collapsed. (That's not normal, right?) I hung out until he fell asleep, but I'm not you, or this is a bigger situation than one-woman cuddling can solve. If it's about C - I'm going to guess he's frustrated. Being on the other coast when she's in trouble is helpless-inducing.

Okay, W care package shopping list:

Swedish Fish
Flowers of the yellow variety
Coffee, black, from the shop on the corner

I'll get takeout from that weird Thai place he likes. We can figure out the rest when you get home.

tfln open post

treavor pendleton | dishonored modern au

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