kingdomsofrain | tfln open post

If I have to pull out all the stops, I'll just have to cancel those reinforcements. Kiss signings, unlike book signings, must be done alone, in the privacy of one's bedroom.

Curse you and your deviant friends-slash-acquaintances-slash-it's-probably-Wallace-or-me.

Or Chauncey.

Organization Nerds get their hot supplies from specialty shops online. And France. And sometimes Mexico.

I mean, Chauncey's definitely a deviant, but I don't think he'd—

Shit, do you think Chauncey's a nerd? Like, a deviant nerd?

...I.

Huh, all those shitty jokes, the suspenders. The calculator on his desk! The pocket protectors. The evidence was there all along and I never realized!

Kat. Kid. I think Chauncey might be one of my brethren? :o

Okay but on a not-Chauncey note, guess I'm gonna have to hit up by Organization Nerd contact, see if they can hook me up with those specialty shops. Hmmm. The only question is WHICH nerd contact to hit up, because it just so happened I'm surrounded by Organization Nerds.

Chauncey is definitely a deviant nerd. I'm surprised it took you this long. The sweaty ergonomic pillow and deep abiding love of The Far Side comics were a dead giveaway.

You should pick the prettiest Organization Nerd, ply them with very sweet words and maybe an intense cuddling session. Pretty Organization Nerds really go for that.

To be fair, Chauncey's been 'Grouchy Old Dude' for a while now. I'm talking Default Curmudgeon, Grandpa-in-the-Corner, 'Get off my lawn you kids,' that shit. I thought the pillow and the Larsen were like. Old people things?

Also hey, HEY excuse you not all Deviant Nerds have ergonomic pillows of any kind in fact 50% of the Deviant Nerds I know do NOT have any such thing.

And hold the fuck up why am I stuck with Chauncey? You get Wallace in your club, no fair. :/ Pretty nerd and nerd with the kickass mustache. Two nerds with hearts of gold. Not fair.

But hey, if you don't mind cuddling one of the sweaty nerds, I guess I should just count myself a lucky deviant. c;

I mind cuddling with sweaty nerds if they're not you. Let's make sure we're clear on that: I'm not cuddling the Default Curmudgeon.

Only two people get my Grade A Specialty Cuddles anymore. And only one of those two gets to count himself 'lucky' ;)

And before you ask what I'm wearing and escalate that conversation: remember the sticky notes.

Yeah I mean that's wise of you. YOU'VE seen Default Curmudgeon's back pillow. You don't want to end up looking like that. :/

Okay wait, no, I don't mean— Kid, you know there's no way on this shit planet you'd ever look like an ages-old sweat-stained back pillow. I didn't mean that. (And if I need to prove it to you, I can tell you what I'M wearing. ;) ;) ;) ...It's work clothes. I am dressed for terrible work. :/ Underneath I am sweaty already. That's your titillating Mr. Katrina update.)

(Wait I'm wearing sunglasses THAT'S sexy, I bet. Hey, what are the sexy rules of clothes? I don't actually know?)

I miss your Grade A Specialty Cuddles. It has been nearly seven hours, Kat. Nearly seven hours with no Grade A Specialty Cuddles, or Wife Cuddles of any kind!

I'm not really sure about the sexy rules of clothes. I'm wearing a koala onesie and sticky notes over the -

Hold on.

[...]

Purple underwear. Matched set, of course, because I'm a LADY. (Read: A-type personality who can't exist with mismatched underwear.) Not that it matters under a >>>koala onesie<<<<.

But I happen to think YOU look great in just about anything. Special place in my heart, of course, for soft t-shirts right after a shower, when your stomach's still warm. Best time of day. (Does that count for sexy? I think that just counts for Comforting.)

Hm. You know, I've never really thought about what I find " " " sexy " " " about male aesthetics. It's more what you do, and how you do it. General 'you', male species. Specific 'you', as well. See for reference the way I keep lurking while you shave.

Hey. Hey! One more hour! One hour to husband and Wife Cuddles! (No Specialty Cuddles for a while, as the other W is home and looks like he could use some serious Punk Cuddling, too. I'm doing my best, but this is an all-the-stops issue. BUT. You get W Sandwich now, and I'll make the Grade A into a Midnight Special. ;) Lucky, lucky Fish. )

Sure I mean, of course I look killer in everything. I'm the avatar of sexy. That's just facts, kid.

Not that I can hope to outclass my wife, styling in her onesie and (!!) purple (!!) underwear (how risqué!).

Hey, that's something else you and my other W have in common: you both rock the purple undies.

...I hate that I said undies. I would erase it, delete it, but erasure could never undo my sin. Forgive me, Katrina, for I have erred greatly. My life, my soul is forfeit.

What the fuuuck.

Better topic: you lurking while I share. Please do lurk. It keeps me honest. Keeps me shaving. See all the work I do, just to be the avatar of sexy, just for you!

[ ... ]

Shit, he was supposed to talk to Cecelia today. I'll send him a message, see what's up.

Hey, maybe I should be home something special for W Sandwich time? IDK what, because I'm pretty sure the answer's not liquor. ...Help?

Give me an hour, I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of both of you. Dreaming about that Midnight Special all the while. c;

Oh Great and Powerful Avatar of Sexy,

I regret to inform you that the purple underwear are cotton, and therefore ineligible for the Risqué Factor. I think the other W's are also cotton, so we're probably not taking strides to be Sexiest Trio here. You're going to have to pull everyone's weight on the Sexy front.

At least you didn't call them 'panties'. That's a gross word. Panties. Panties. :c gross

Give W some times to nap before you message him. He made a beeline for the bedroom and collapsed. (That's not normal, right?) I hung out until he fell asleep, but I'm not you, or this is a bigger situation than one-woman cuddling can solve. If it's about C - I'm going to guess he's frustrated. Being on the other coast when she's in trouble is helpless-inducing.

Okay, W care package shopping list:

Swedish Fish
Flowers of the yellow variety
Coffee, black, from the shop on the corner

I'll get takeout from that weird Thai place he likes. We can figure out the rest when you get home.

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