tfln open post

[byanyname]

***

either leave a message (or set of muses) for one of my assholes, or request a message from one of them. choose messages from the classic source, from your own skull, or whatever you may please.

Comments

[thatminx]

Of course I'm not wrong. I know the perks of loving someone.

[...]

The question ACTUALLY is, how much creepier could you have made that question?

[sweatycoward]

:/ :/ :/

Didn't mean to.

[thatminx]

Unintentional kidnapping? I see how it is.

Flirt first, story after, flirt some more?

[sweatycoward]

I'm prepared to work with that.

Hey, for my Kat, I'm prepared for anything.

1/2

[thatminx]

At least one of us is prepared. For all my lists and planning, I'm perpetually unprepared for life with you.

...Case in point. There's no prep for this. I mean, I have a contingency plan, but anticipation is out of the question.

2/2

[thatminx]

[...]

I love it.

And you.

[sweatycoward]

Excuse me, flirt police? Yes, hello, this is Treavor Pendleton calling, and I've spotted a flirt. ;)

Oh shit, flirt police? Plot twist! The flirt is my wife??!

My wife, who I love deeply.

Hey, flirt police? I've got myself a real winner. c:

[thatminx]

:o :o I can't believe you called the flirt police on me.

Me, an honest flirt who did no harm.

Well, guess what, smart guy.

I'm calling my LAWYER. ;)

[sweatycoward]

Excuse me, Miss. I happen to know this LAWYER of yours is actually a fish, and therefore...

(GASP!!)

...a fake lawyer, and ineligible for flirt court!

We might be able to settle this out of court, though.

MAYBE.

[thatminx]

[ She's just going to shout from the bathroom: ]

THAT'S FISH DISCRIMINATION!!!!

[ And texting resumes: ]

Fish can be lawyers if they really want to be. Fish can do anything. Fish are magnificent creatures.

But I might be willing to discuss arbitration.

MAYBE.

1/2

[sweatycoward]

Hey.

Kid.

Loud noises.

:c :c :c

That's fish headache. :c

[ Okay maybe it's not really bad maybe that noise wasn't loud enough for too much pain but look, look, he can be dramatic sometimes, can't he? ]

2/2

[sweatycoward]

I HAPPEN to be acquainted with every law school on this planet, and none of them admit fish. :/

Which is better for the fish, really.

Mmm... Let's. Talk about that arbitration. What's a flirt like you got to put on the table?

1/2

[thatminx]

Oh oh sorry sorry :(

Poor Fish. And the aspirin's in here with me. :( :( Sorry.

2/2

[thatminx]

...

...myself. ;)

[sweatycoward]

Kid. Kid.

It's fine.

You know who's good at being overdramatic? Me. It's a fish thing. It's fine.

It's especially fine because this Fish has a very good wife, even if she DID lock herself in the bathroom. :/

[thatminx]

Hey now.

If anyone locked me in here, it's the one who removed the doorknob and didn't put up a sign.

And ending up in your bathroom trap is in no way a mark against my ability to be a good wife. I bet I'd be an awesome wife if I ever got out of here.

[sweatycoward]

Nah, you're already an awesome wife from inside the bathroom. Maybe that's why you're stuck in there. Maybe you're TOO good a wife, and if you escape the bathroom, the world'll collapse. Did you think about that?



.....I thought I made a sign... :c

[thatminx]

Monster wife. Rampaging with kisses and home-cooked meals. Definitely world-destroying.

[...]

Awww. You probably did make a sign. It must have vanished from the door. Maybe someone stole it?

In fact, that's definitely what happened. Someone broke in last night and ripped the warning sign off the bathroom door, then ran out.

I bet it was Chauncey. He looks like trouble.

[sweatycoward]

Noo, Chauncey would never steal my signs. Just ignore them. Did I tell you he ignores my signs? I put a sign on his chair that said 'Do Not Sit Here This Is An Emergency Seat For Treavor's Friend Michael,' and he sat right down on the sign. I asked him what the fuck, he said I don't have friends, and then he kept working. Or looking at jokes. Whatever he was doing.

Probably I left it somewhere. You may or may not have noticed, but I make a lot of half-assed efforts when I'm drunk.

...Also when I'm not drunk, if we're being honest.

[thatminx]

Hey, hey, that's my husband you're talking about. You're not allowed to be self-deprecating while I'm locked in bathrooms. It's the LAW.

If you're going to say mean things about my husband

who is my favorite person on the face of the planet

who punched someone twice his size for me

who has the most beautiful soul

you have to let me out of the bathroom so I can fight for his honor. With cuddles. Aggressive cuddles.

[sweatycoward]

Just speaking truth, kid.

And I can't let you out if I can't get out of bed.

Which, you know. These pillows are pretty soft. Pretty good for aching heads.

And the bed keeps me safe from the law I broke. :o

[thatminx]

:o You're keeping me locked in the bathroom to avoid punishment for breaking the law???

Cold. Cold, cold Fish.

Putting me in prison for your self-shit-talking crime. And taking all the pillows, too.

[sweatycoward]

Mm... next time I break the doorknob - ALLEGEDLY break the doorknob - I'll leave a couple pillows in the tub, okay? Or maybe you should start taking pillows with you to the bathroom? Emergency pillows, just in case.

Also hey I didn't put you in there, I would never. :c

LEAVE you there, maybe. Just for let's say another hour or so? Just until I figure out how standing works.

[thatminx]

Don't worry about it. I texted Wallace while you were storytelling. He shooooould be here in 15 or so. Freedom is on the horizon, and then you're in some REAL trouble.

For breaking the law.

Unless you want to really impress your wife and beat him to the door. I want to come back to bed. c:

Maybe I'll let you off the hook.

1/2

[sweatycoward]

What if I tell Wallace NOT to let you out of the bathroom?

What if I tell him my wife is going to throw the law at me and he has to protect me??