I’ll ask your pardons for leaving this to the last.
Had to work through the rest to get here, or I mean let the rest work in myself. A lot going on, that’s so. A lot that wants space for breathing, and I want that space for it myself.
So.
First, no faulting you for holding ireful tongues about her. I’ve got only admiration, approbation, keeping civil for the sake of your son. There’s much to be said for protecting him and keeping solid ground under his feet. That’s a guardianship isn’t to be slighted or downplayed.
Then that about anger, like you said, or like-ish. That there’s no use holding anger that’s got nowhere to go. I’ll subscribe to that and so I do subscribe, aye. I’ll count myself all for an inciting spark, but some ire’ll only eat you inside out.
[ … ]
My worry’s that for all you wave aside anger at those who’ve wronged you, you’ve no similar dismissal and not much grace for anger toward your own self. Sounds that you’ve been gnawing your own wrists for years now, Vitaly, and that’s where I stake my objections, that’s taking it beyond accountability and into flagellation, yeah?
Guess it’s worth asking if that gets you anywhere. I don’t mean that as rhetorical, nay, take it an honest querying. Put otherwise, do you find it’s helpful dwelling among, calling castigating on yourself? And what’s the damage it does to you, what’s that damage worth?
Accountability’s laudable, accountability’s necessity. I’m with you there. But that’s a piece of the fighting only. [ … ] It worries me you’ve kept so much inside.
…Shite, don’t mean to make it sound as though you’re doing naught. Take here, by example: Hasn’t slipped my notice, that you’ve come out from every apparent effort toward veiling, or toward setting cause where it’s [ … ] simpler to bear or to behold.
That’s a lot, all on its own.
And it’s clear and becoming clearer you know yourself well, Talik. Knowing your own size, your strength and your capacities. Seeing how careful you are with your son. Hearing you speak of yourself [ … ] though there I’ll say again, not sure you’re giving total credence to your strengths.
Not many see what they are, even in parts. It’s a rare and an invaluable quality, or so I call it.
[ … ]
Something more, only for the moment.
[ The next photograph was taken in the midst of what appears to be a game of hide-and-seek, perhaps melded with some version of tag. Toward the right of the photo, Nicky’s ducking behind a tree, looking backward, about a disappear into the brush. At the corner of the screen there’s the half-blurred form of Liza, apparently darting from one hiding place to another, perhaps to join her brother, almost certainly giggling and trying valiantly to stifle said giggles. At the left, Nova can be seen pulling an exaggerated expression of consideration, his gaze fixed toward a point in the horizon, as if he cannot for the life of him catch sight of either child of discern where they might be! ]
[ … ]
Feeling I’m lacking reciprocation here. I’mIsn’t that I Tech’s come a long ways these past years, and [ … ] well yeah, there’s the [ … ] trouble of time intervening. Nicky and Liza having been with us [ … ] largely before recordings on phones were an option.
So, right. Something else as well, for my own voice, for my own self, a little less static.
[ … ]
In case said voice is repellent to yr ears, yeah?
Probably worth noting I’ve an inexorable habit of snoring. No hypothetical, that. Been a bone of contention in the past but eh, not much to be done.
…Fk. Right. The vid.
[ What follows is a video taken within the last couple of years, in what might be a pub or some makeshift karaoke staging. The night’d been warm, heady with oncoming summer and sure, more than a few drinks, and Nova’s poised with hand uplifted, finger pointed toward the skies and a scarf around his neck. There’re words to begin with - his voice perhaps deeper than might be anticipated, and marked unmistakably with the West Riding’s cadencing - greetings toward the crowd and requests to shhh shh hush down, to take a seat settle in because there’s a long and fruitful night ahead yet.
The words are followed by the opening half minute or so of a rendition of The Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want it That Way,’ and include Nova swaying, half-dancing with abandon, if not with particular skill or precision.
Perhaps of note: He has a habit of running his hands through his hair and down his sides, and it’s clear that he’s not unaware of sporting a notably admirable ass. ]
4/4
Had to work through the rest to get here, or I mean let the rest work in myself. A lot going on, that’s so. A lot that wants space for breathing, and I want that space for it myself.
So.
First, no faulting you for holding ireful tongues about her. I’ve got only admiration, approbation, keeping civil for the sake of your son. There’s much to be said for protecting him and keeping solid ground under his feet. That’s a guardianship isn’t to be slighted or downplayed.
Then that about anger, like you said, or like-ish. That there’s no use holding anger that’s got nowhere to go. I’ll subscribe to that and so I do subscribe, aye. I’ll count myself all for an inciting spark, but some ire’ll only eat you inside out.
[ … ]
My worry’s that for all you wave aside anger at those who’ve wronged you, you’ve no similar dismissal and not much grace for anger toward your own self. Sounds that you’ve been gnawing your own wrists for years now, Vitaly, and that’s where I stake my objections, that’s taking it beyond accountability and into flagellation, yeah?
Guess it’s worth asking if that gets you anywhere. I don’t mean that as rhetorical, nay, take it an honest querying. Put otherwise, do you find it’s helpful dwelling among, calling castigating on yourself? And what’s the damage it does to you, what’s that damage worth?
Accountability’s laudable, accountability’s necessity. I’m with you there. But that’s a piece of the fighting only. [ … ] It worries me you’ve kept so much inside.
…Shite, don’t mean to make it sound as though you’re doing naught. Take here, by example: Hasn’t slipped my notice, that you’ve come out from every apparent effort toward veiling, or toward setting cause where it’s [ … ] simpler to bear or to behold.
That’s a lot, all on its own.
And it’s clear and becoming clearer you know yourself well, Talik. Knowing your own size, your strength and your capacities. Seeing how careful you are with your son. Hearing you speak of yourself [ … ] though there I’ll say again, not sure you’re giving total credence to your strengths.
Not many see what they are, even in parts. It’s a rare and an invaluable quality, or so I call it.
[ … ]
Something more, only for the moment.
[ The next photograph was taken in the midst of what appears to be a game of hide-and-seek, perhaps melded with some version of tag. Toward the right of the photo, Nicky’s ducking behind a tree, looking backward, about a disappear into the brush. At the corner of the screen there’s the half-blurred form of Liza, apparently darting from one hiding place to another, perhaps to join her brother, almost certainly giggling and trying valiantly to stifle said giggles. At the left, Nova can be seen pulling an exaggerated expression of consideration, his gaze fixed toward a point in the horizon, as if he cannot for the life of him catch sight of either child of discern where they might be! ]
[ … ]
Feeling I’m lacking reciprocation here.
I’mIsn’t that ITech’s come a long ways these past years, and [ … ] well yeah, there’s the [ … ] trouble of time intervening. Nicky and Liza having been with us [ … ] largely before recordings on phones were an option.So, right. Something else as well, for my own voice, for my own self, a little less static.
[ … ]
In case said voice is repellent to yr ears, yeah?
Probably worth noting I’ve an inexorable habit of snoring. No hypothetical, that. Been a bone of contention in the past but eh, not much to be done.
…Fk. Right. The vid.
[ What follows is a video taken within the last couple of years, in what might be a pub or some makeshift karaoke staging. The night’d been warm, heady with oncoming summer and sure, more than a few drinks, and Nova’s poised with hand uplifted, finger pointed toward the skies and a scarf around his neck. There’re words to begin with - his voice perhaps deeper than might be anticipated, and marked unmistakably with the West Riding’s cadencing - greetings toward the crowd and requests to shhh shh hush down, to take a seat settle in because there’s a long and fruitful night ahead yet.
The words are followed by the opening half minute or so of a rendition of The Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want it That Way,’ and include Nova swaying, half-dancing with abandon, if not with particular skill or precision.
Perhaps of note: He has a habit of running his hands through his hair and down his sides, and it’s clear that he’s not unaware of sporting a notably admirable ass. ]
That’s that for that, anyway.
Don’t judge too harsh, yeah?