texts texts texts

[onefellswoop]

this one is for texts!

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2/2

[citrinesupernova]

Sorry for the rushing at the end there. Didn’t get everything said wanted saying, but time’ll have its way and I wasn’t about to go leaving those bits entirely unspoke.

Right, so. Right.

[ … ]

Fucking radged with her all over again, and any of em treated you as

[ … ]

What you’d asked, and my saying there’s nothing wrong in it. First to reaffirm, aye, there’s nothing wrong there in the least.

Condom or nay, the way I figure it’s safer testing than putting jesus’s hands to wheel. It’s be in your right demanding tests if anything’s to follow. Not to say you did demand. There’s nothing of the imperative in your speaking.

[ … ]

Worries me some, your thinking there may’ve been. Or what I mean’s it’s maybe telling, and I’m thinking that worry didn’t come out from nowhere. It isn’t your saying nor your thinking worries me, Talik. There’s nothing you can’t say, and that’s me speaking truth and invitation both. It’s only there’s reasons a man gets to thinking he can’t ask one thing or express a wish without panic settling in.

Aye, again, that’s no fault put on yourself. Worries breed a life of their own, wherever they’ve come from. Bears saying as well there’s nothing you can say that’ll send me off or drive me from my feelings for you. I’ve never been so capricious as all that.

Here, and even setting aside matters of safety and precaution, there’s nothing so much in what you’ve asked. Sex without a condom’s fair enough for asking. As it happens, your preference meets my own. Won’t say I’ve not fucked nor been fucked with condoms, but it ain’t my preference.

Even were it that, my preference I mean, there’s nothing harmed in asking. Not for that, nor for anything you’d like, aye, even if it sounds to yourself eh outrageous or extreme. That I said above holds here as well, that there’s nothing you can say’ll ward me off. (Short of suggesting you’d like to full on murder me, but I’m taking a wild guess and saying that ain’t your style.) (Clarification’s sake, it’s no wild guess and nay I don’t believe at all that’s you.) (…Also clarification’s sake, it has been said to me before. Won’t say I don’t enjoy it rough, but that’s as is said a bit far for my liking. :/)

Anything I’m lukewarm on, I’m usually game to try, and am good to talk about it beforehand. Anything that catches me with a hard no, I’d let you know, and talk about that also.

Whatever you ask and whatever you speak interest for, there’s no blame for you and no anger off of me. All that’s in existence is open for the talking, that’s truth.

Worth saying also I think, there’s no harm no shame either any time worry or say panic does arrive and speak itself. Those’re impulses take years to settle into quiet, and sometimes they never do hush up entire. That’s all right as well, Talik. Never a rush with anything, aye?

Truth.

Here and on this about worry, something else maybe needs to be said or I’d like to speak it, this about hiding.

I get your meaning, and I appreciate it, hold it dear. Thing is there’re some situation hiding’s a needless eh ‘dirty secret’ kind of meaning. Other situations, and I think you know which ours is, it’s down to preservation and lives tangled beyond fairness. Some secrets need keeping a while, and true it ain’t ideal, but true as well it’s necessity and it’s no final state of being.

Think it less hiding, more preservation for Sergiy, hey? Which means as well readiness to take what time’s necessary. I’ve got you and you’ve got myself throughout whatever’s to come across whatever time, and in the end we’ll have ourselves entire and out loud to any’ve got ears eyes or feeling.

Until all’s settled and secure and legality’s determined with your boy, there’s no injury in keeping secret.

[ … ]

Full disclosure, I’ve told Sen how I feel for you, and he knows the feelings not kept one sided. Asked him to keep it quiet just for now, and credit to the man, he knows where to keep words in quiet.

Far as my speaking goes with these I’m set to go drink with, we’ve got no worries from this group. Been at these convos for years now, and nothing gets beyond those present. Eh, save could be to partners, but most of them’re involved and the rest lack context anyrate, and’ve been sworn to secrecy. What we’ve got here’s sort of a sacred trust, aye? Can’t go badmouthing the orchestral powers that be if anyone’s got loose lips, that’s a fact known to all if nothing else.

My meaning’s I’m not going fast and loose with anything regarding yourself and I. Not for lack of wanting to, fuck knows I’d be pleased to sing it to all ears, but for the fact there’s lives at stake here, and more precisely your son’s and your own.

[ … ]

Something related. Something maybe I’m nosing overfar into, but I wasn’t sure of speaking it til I’d heard eh more a legal perspective.

That contract, aye, between you and she? [ … ] Fuckin sorry to bring up, wary the talk’ll be troublesome for you and ey Talik, no need to speak on it or read if you’ve no wish to. But there’s that bit you spoke of, a clause maybe, her being freed to whatever relations while you’d keep faithful, and you spoke something of her denied her eh right, aye?

[ … ]

That last there. Was that in the writing? Or I mean, eh, was the condition of it in the writing ah fuck, you don’t need to go telling me, sorry, sorry, eh, here. Here’s what I mean, no questioning needed. If there’s a condition written in, her being free to her relations long as there’s nothing going on between you and herself, it’s maybe worth looking at again. Given that, eh. Well. Given Sergiy.

Means there wasn’t nothing going on throughout, aye?

Course I don’t know the writing of it but eh, the group getting drinks, one of em’s a cellist, also happens to be a lawyer. Spoke with her some, vague terms but enough to ask the question, enough to hear some response. And depending how all’s writ and what lawyer’s lean toward and whatnotall, might be there’s been a breach of contract already and on her end. Might be there’s been breaching for a while now.

[ … ]

Like said, don’t know whether that’s anything, and if I’ve eh gone or spoke too far on this, fact is I’m sorry and fact is as well I don’t know sorry’s enough to cover it. Might be [ … ] something of hope in it, and I didn’t want to speak it without checking there’s at least that chance.

Probably here’s where I should end the message, eh. In the event I’ve done the foot to mouth maneuver or eh. Shite, I don’t know.

But it’s also for saying you’ve my thanks for that about your sister. Irisha, then, speaking here with you.

And likely you can guess it, but I’m cherishing those hearts of yours. Showed em off a few times, just to those around me, decent folks, verified.

Added to which, I spent the second half rehearsal thinking on that shower, and I’ll thank you very much for that.

Right. Heading off to the pub, phone coming with, and all my thoughts here yet with you, where I'd like them and I mean them best to stay.