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[onefellswoop]

this one is for texts!

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[onefellswoop]

As Enri has been both the excavator for, encouragement of, and herald to the vast majority of my virtues, it is entirely his right to speak of them at whatever length he pleases. 😌

You said it well, yourself: That it isn’t a matter of falling, or of something entirely new. To find someone [ … ] or to find what might be termed and what I would term one’s someone and one’s shared heart is to feel discordant pieces at once slipping into place. Is to feel existence align itself at last; for all to turn clarion, and bring hush upon a thousand needless questions.

I won’t say I didn’t make it difficult for Enri. [ … ] Well. You know what I am; what I have been. ‘Difficult’ has come to stand hand-in-hand with my name. He has been nothing short of miraculous. He has, Vitaly, done nothing less than sing my resurrection.

[ … ]

You know that I’ve ended my decades-long affair with cocaine and its associated ilk. I expect someone has mentioned it was for Enri’s sake, and it was indeed. He set forth his needs, his expectations. An ultimatum, perhaps, though it was nothing more nor less than his right to speak, and I admire infinitely how well he stands for himself.

It happened early on. The first night we took for ourselves, I did as I was wont to do, fell back to feigning distance when [ … ] feeling came too close. I felt for him; I balked against it, turned flatly imperious. He withdrew inside himself and Vitaly, I couldn’t bear it. He told me he wanted what was real, not pretending.

[ … ]

He wanted and he has always wanted what I am, beyond theatrics, beyond the bare guise of godhood. He is the only man who has ever brought me closer to my divinity. And he showed me, he shows me still in countless ways, that the truth of divinity isn’t apart from being mortal.

[ … ]

That first time was in a chapel. Fitting, yes?

He brought me a rose; I have it still.

And after. [ … ] After, he held me. I [ … ] hadn’t know what that might feel like. What it might be, let alone become.

He is everything, Vitaly. My world, and my reason.

[ … ]

What led to my agreeing to rehab. I [ … ] made a mess of everything, and might have lost Enri through my own stubborn headedness and [ … ] a culmination of many of my own poorest decisions.

[ … ]

Simon took it on himself to interfere. You know the one I mean. [ … ] There are apologies to be made in that direction, as well, though I can’t say it would have ended well had I not [ … ] been the ass I am.

It was my paranoia and my stubbornness that turned a string of troublesome texts into cataclysm. My fortune is that Enri agreed to see me. My fortune is eternally, entirely, his love.

And I know myself far better, far more vivid than I could have guessed before.