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[onefellswoop]

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[necropolitical]

[...]

Nothing's wrong, my Vevay. I promise. I can't be unwell with you in my future, do you see?

The problem is, I think of all the years gone by and how I might have known you long before any of the unhappy things. Those I knew, those that you endured. How I'd have liked -

Well, this isn't to say we would have been happy always. Of course, life is full of sorrow and it's impossible to avoid it entirely.

But I mean to say, if I'd known you, I could have been with you. I might have been there to hold your hand through difficulty. Eh, like this [...] [...] what is it. When you made yourself physically male.

Transition. Correct?

Transitioned. When you began this, or during it, I would have liked to be beside you. I know it isn't an easy process, and though you haven't said so much about that time, I think it's possible you were treated badly by those who should have loved you.

I would have liked to love you then as I lo

And you said you only finished with your shoe pump a year ago, isn't that so? Who was there to care for you while you were recovering all these stages? Friends, all right, but [...] maybe it would have been nice if a boyfriend also had been there, steady and constant.

Or a husband, eh?

It makes me angry, it's true. Something was taken from us that was much more than romance; all the things I wish I could have done for you, those were taken away.

But I can't undo this. Instead, I can be glad you were happy. I can be glad you look for happiness.

You see how I mean?

[...]

There was something more I began to say, but I'm worried it would be inappropriate or [...] phobic? Phobic, maybe. But that word seems wrong. A moment, please? Let me find the word for what I mean.