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[onefellswoop]

this one is for texts!

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private message to Sen

[onefellswoop]

Senan.

I ought to have remembered. I have and I offer no excuse for my negligence.

Your mother

[ … ]

Put otherwise, I’ve been reminded of the nearing date and its significance.

I am sorry, Sen.

I know it isn’t I understand it’s no simple time for y

She merited better, as do you.

As well, I ought to have considered—

Well. A great many details I’d [ … ] neglected. Refused to see, perhaps, or it was simpler not to notice.

If anyone ought to be met with censure, it’s Darcy. Perhaps myself, for flagrantly ignoring what should be clear. But ‘ought’ is unequal to what would likely perhaps invariably follow, a fact written clear to anyone who looks upon the matter as a whole.

[ … ]

I expect I wished to remain in the [ … ] felicity of dreaming. Of calling you my brother and having others know you as such, and believing anyone with half a brain would comprehend who in the story ought to be decried.

Revelation is a luxury not afforded by your own position, and [ … ] true, not one without consequences. Few of which would touch me; all of which would fall upon you, and on your mother’s memory.

[ … ]

They are rancid, the shits in my acquaintance. Perhaps It might be said Truly, they’ve no right or claim to know a thing about you. And [ … ] whatever I may like to have known, I don’t wish to place you in the sights of their slander.

I am, as you know, prone to particular variants of tunnel vision.

And to being an incalculable ass.

You needn’t tell anyone, of course. And I will [ … ] endeavor to aim any lashing out of mine elsewhere.

[ … ]

I don’t like to be at odds with y

If you find yourself ready to

No matter who knows or not, I am terribly proud to have you as my brother.

[ … ]

When you’re ready to speak, I would like to. Of this; about Moira, if you’re of a mind to; or of any other matter.

[ultimatenegative]

You're such a shit

You

Of course you'd

Fucking Enri and his fuc

[...]



[ Two hours later: ]

You realize, don't you, that I'm not ashamed of you?

Fuck's sake, Darius, I've followed you around the world more times than I can count, many of those occasions long after I suspected we were kin. You've nearly killed me at least twice and yet, here I am.

I'm not certain what you think about my circumspection with this, but I've told many people. It's a [...] pleasure to do so, really. To tell those who love us both, or tolerate either of us at the outset, has been affirming and [...] quite emotional.

The whole of it is quite emotional, Darius. Surely you can understand why I don't care to tarnish it.

I understand how you feel. I do. I know you prefer to announce from every rooftop all the things that bring you the most joy, but it's not my way. I've never had that impulse, though I'm certain it seems so from your vantage; you're privy to those things in my life that have given me the most happiness because you are one of them.

I keep silent on matters like this because I don't want the good in my life soured. Take it as you will, understand what you're able, when I say that learning you are my brother was one of the greatest joys in my life.

[...]

[...]

My mother's memory can withstand the onslaught. I'm not certain I could.

[...]

I'm not certain I care for what this is doing to you, though

I think I might be hurting you terribly

Fuck you, making me weigh her memory against your feelings

That's not fair, I know it's not fair, but fuck you anyhow

[...]

You're such a shit.

The trouble is, you mean nearly as much to me as she does, and I recognize I have a choice to make between tarnishing her memory and wounding you rather badly. The wounding having already occurred and the tarnishing inevitable - because inevitably, it will get out - leaves me only to ask for forbearance.

[...]

Not indefinite.

Get married, go on your honeymoon. When you're back again, we'll sit and sort out how to maximize the fallout. If I have to hear a cross word about my mum, I want as many people inconvenienced by the news as possible.

[...]

Darius -

I have every right to be angry, but you forgetting what's on with me doesn't invalidate the hurt. You have every right to be hurt, and I'm sorry to have been the cause.

You're a narcissistic, pigheaded shit and I love you.