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kingdomsofrain2025-09-24 03:51 pm
onefellswoop) wrote in kingdomsofrain2025-09-24 03:51 pm
destro & enrion
-you're my home, too: introduction to coldharbour. (rook needs to edit and repost this holy shit)
-betrayal: silvanus imposes a visit. destro fucks up real fucking bad. enrion tells daddy to stay.
-dungeon doings.
introduction to coldharbour: 1
Destro: (out of nowhere asks enrion if he's ever been to coldharbour)
Destro: (have they been cuddling probablyyyy)
Enrion: (looks like he just sat up after cuddle time very ??? where u going)
Destro: (Destro has been entertaing A Though over the past few days. past... weeks.)
Destro: (it comes back to him now as a impulse, striking sharp enough that he draws back from the boy's warmth, hand set light against enrion's shoulder.)
Destro: (he's blinking. he could... consider this. could shove the impulse away. it's late, they're comfortable, and the boy's warmth is deeply appealing.)
Enrion: (Enrion hums a protest, easing up with a bemused expression. His voice is soft, has been soft all evening, drowsy with narcotic pleasure.) Daddy?
Destro: (oh, that isn't making this any easier, ad destro swallows, shifts his forefinger over the boy's shoulder. (it would be easy to stay.) (but, there's that sharp compulsion.) (but, if the moment strikes and he pushes it off, will he be able to find a moment again?) (it isn't... easy, what he's thinking of doing.) (it isn't easy, but he wants to do it.))
Destro: enri.
Destro: (a moment as he lets his thoughts settle, as he breathes, as he considers the decisions he could and couldn't make. (there. that idea, alone: there are choices to be made. he. has a choice to make. and the path ahead is clear.))
Destro: (finger still drifting over enrion's shoulder, he speaks, voice almost a little too even-)
Destro: puppy. have you ever been to coldharbour?
Enrion: (He feels languid, feels warm and supple, and there were caresses, there was himself and Destro twined impossibly close, there had been whispers - why would Destro leave that?)
Enrion: (...To talk about. Coldharbour. Of all things.)
Enrion: (He hasn't. He shakes his head, clearly at a loss for why this is a question.) Mm-mm.
Destro: (a slow nod, more to himself than to enrion. another breath, and again his finger brushes enrion's shoulder.)
Destro: puppy... i'd like to show you something.
Enrion: (He thinks about reaching out to Destro, whispering 'come back', but he's not fast enough. And -)
Enrion: (This seems important. His eyes clear a little of their dazed unconcern, and Enrion cocks his head.)
Destro: (there's something unsettled in destro's expression, and from time to time his gaze flicks sideways, toward nothing, then back to enrion, fully focused. he thinks perhaps he ought to say more. he doesn't think he'd know where to begin.)
Enrion: (He thinks back to some weeks ago, to - that conversation. That heavy conversation. Destro wants to show him something - and it might be? Maybe that. Related to that.)
Enrion: A secret?
Destro: ((can't even think about it, really. no one... no one has seen his place there. he'd assumed no one ever would.))
Destro: (a nod, this time for enrion) yes, enrion.
Destro: my enri, it is...
Destro: please.
Destro: the timing may not be ideal, but.
Destro: ...as i said. i am unaccustomed to forthrightness.
Destro you might need to take the opportunity when it strikes.
Enrion: (He nods without hesitating - a little eager. A lot...Something other. Gratitude, maybe.)
Enrion: The pillows aren't going anywhere.
Destro: (a small smile, a little bit distracted though he tries to keep focused on the boy.)
Destro: true.
Destro: (before he can let himself linger, he's upward, reaching for enrion.)
Destro: stick with me.
Enrion: (Enrion reaches back, assuring. Rising to his feet. And - yeah. Holding on.)
Destro: this is....
Destro: i suppose you'll see.
Enrion: (This is /creepy/. But he's not going to say that.)
Destro: (he hadn't precisely prepared the place for the boy, but. perhaps it's better than way. less contrived, or... well. never mind.)
Enrion: (just look around with a neutral expression, and follow destro.)
Destro: (just gonna. pause a moment.)
Enrion: (....Focusing as ever on the wrong thing)
Enrion: (Enrion points and -)
Enrion: Hey, an indrik!
Destro: ...yes.
Enrion: (...What's an indrik doing in Coldharbour.)
Enrion: ...Huh.
Destro: you're welcome to meet her. after you...
Destro: i'll introduce you.
Enrion: (He looks at Destro, then...past. Destro.)
Enrion: (It looks like a greenhouse, like what he'd see in Summerset.)
Enrion: (It's weird, to see all of these familiar things in this...place.)
Destro: (part of the trouble here. with this place. is that it resonates so thoroughly with destro. that he's found no place more consonant with himself (With himself alone, because there's a follow-up thought: the manor is becoming equally as consonant, with destro who has enrion.))
Destro: (difficult to share anything so close to himself. difficult to share anything so littered with signs of what and where he's been, the pieces he feigns to have discarded but hasn't wholly lost hold of.)
Destro: (he cocks his head, a movement half-forced.)
Enrion: (It doesn't take Enrion long. Not as long as usual.)
Enrion: ...This is where you go.
Destro: ...yes, puppy.
Enrion: (When Destro goes.)
Destro: it is...
Destro: mm.
Enrion: (He's frowning faintly. He doesn't. Know what to make of it yet.)
Destro: you could call it my most regular haunt. outsider of recent months.
Destro: (he tries not to dwell on that frown. clears his throat)
Destro: i'll show you the... well. what passes for an inside.
Enrion: (He tilts his head. He can already SEE inside - to the bed. To the lamplight.)
Destro: a little bare right now, but. you see.
Enrion: (He doesn't move far past the threshold. There's little judgment in his bearing, but his uncertainty is clear.)
Destro: (that wasn't really a complete sentence, or thought. he knows.)
Destro: i like to...
Destro: while i'm here, puppy.
Destro: i prefer to see the sky.
Enrion: (He doesn't like that there are two pillows on the bed. He has questions about it. About whether Destro sleeps here. And who sleeps here with him.)
Destro: i came upon this place with the greenhouse and. it's been mine ever since.
Enrion: (He tries to focus. This is important. Destro's showing him something personal and private and secret.)
Enrion: (That's important, and he tries to hold on to it.)
Destro: (he's starting to feel nervous. more nervous? uneasy. the boy doesn't look precisely on solid ground, and it's to be expected. destro's given no way of understanding this place. destro's not certain he could explain it.)
Destro: it's the only place i have that...
Enrion: (And he remembers Destro said he might not like - or no, that's not right. He said. What was it he said.)
Enrion: (When Enrion knew him through and through.)
Enrion: (His attention slowly shifts around the room, then comes to rest on Destro - who looks uneasy.)
Destro: i've. suggested to you. that i own homes, properties beyond our dwelling.
Enrion: (Enrion blinks, then nods.)
Enrion: ('Our', he called it.)
Enrion: (But.)
Enrion: Our home.
Destro: (a nod, and a small smile that's mostly grateful, partly abashed; he might have said as much in the first place.) our home, puppy. yes.
Destro: this.
Enrion: (Enrion's eyes raise, because a moment or two ago, Destro said something about liking to see the sky.)
Destro: ...i don't make a habit of telling anyone where i'll be on any given day. but there are people - my family prime among them - who know where i might be. what places are mine.
Destro: this is the one place i've kept hidden.
Enrion: (And his attention snaps back.)
Enrion: ...You haven't told anyone else?
Destro: (blinking, shaking his head once) no.
Destro: nor did i intend to.
Destro: this is...
Destro: i suppose you could call it a well-kept secret. playing host to... other. more or less well-kept secrets.
Destro: (Clears his throat, tosses his hair, not quite looking at enrion)
Enrion: (Enrion does feel a momentary flicker of pleasure - to be in on the secret, to be the only one no matter how many pillows are on the bed. But it fades almost immediately.)
Enrion: (Replaced by.)
Enrion: (He. Doesn't like it. This place is bleak, and empty of warmth, and Destro comes here /alone/.)
Enrion: ...I don't like that, Destro.
Enrion: (His voice lacks accusation; it carries only soft fretfulness, the same as his eyes lingering, seeking.)
Enrion: I don't like thinking of you alone like that.
Destro: (he tries not to balk at the words. (the way he feels them slam against him, though he expects there's no censure intended, though he expects the force he feels is of his own perceiving. no, there isn't accusation or thrust force in enrion's words. still. for a moment, it was hard to take.))
Destro: (the follow-up helps, and he manages a small smile.)
Destro: oh, enri.
Destro: i understand it isn't...
Destro: it doesn't appear a warm place. i know. but i've never felt...
Destro: ...i'm near to myself here. myself, and my capabilities.
Destro: as i am, i find, becoming nearer and nearer to myself in our home.
Enrion: (There's something stirring in Enrion's brain, some awareness or. Some comprehension. That Destro needs this place.)
Destro: that, puppy, is new. and dire to me.
Destro: but this is also... i suppose, who i am.
Enrion: (He listens, and he lets the words settle against the dawning comprehension.)
Destro: (he wants... fuck. he wants the boy to understand, to understad at least some part of his meaning. but he can't let himself think on that. because what if. because what if...)
Enrion: (And there's something. He's not quite grasping, but he thinks he feels it there, right on the tip of his tongue.)
Destro: ((he doesn't like to think of enrion looking at him or at this place with condemnation.))
Enrion: (Something about the direness of home.)
Enrion: (...Funny, that he feels at home with Enrion in Reaper's March. But has this home, too.)
Enrion: (Funny that he kept it secret.)
Enrion: (Funny that. He. Brought Enrion here. From their home in Reaper's March. To this place, that is also dire.)
Enrion: (And home.)
Destro: (he wishes the boy would speak. feels himself beginning to fidgit (a rarity), fingers curling and uncurling behind his back.)
Enrion: (He's staring at Destro, but not quite at him. Listening to the rumble of not-storms, and the quality of their breathing and the music from a music box.)
Destro: (he shouldn't. push enrion. he won't. but the silence weighs on him.)
Enrion: (And the puzzle piece slots into place. His expression softens, his head ducking a little.)
Enrion: (It's an assumption, but it's not that big of one. Not a leap, when Destro is wearing his ring.)
Destro: (he sees that shift in expression, and there's a fluttering through his lungs, his chest.)
Destro: (maybe. maybe.)
Enrion: (It's not home anymore. But Destro needs it, so he brought what is "home".)
Enrion: (Enrion's mouth curves in a lopsided smile.)
Enrion: (He closes the distance - one or two steps - and draws the backs of his fingers along Destro's cheek.)
Enrion: (And softly - bending down a little to meet eye-to-eye, to make sure Destro hears him, feels the impact -)
Destro: (his eyes clench shut, his head burning with relief. with the grace of that touch and the image of that smile.)
Enrion: Hey. Look at me.
Destro: (feeling the boy come closer, and opening his eyes to find him, to answer that call)
Destro: (yes; he'll look; yes, those eyes are the truest he's known)
Enrion: (--Oh. Oh, he. Feels the last little bit of his heart go out.)
Enrion: (And smiles tenderly (lovingly) (loving) (oh, he does, every bit -))
Enrion: You're my home, too.
1
Destro: (anyone knowing him, and the world not fracturing.)
Destro: (he wants to touch enrion's cheek; all he manages is to wrap his hand at the boy's elbow, a light and barely maintained hold. it's hard to... manage much of anything.)
Destro: (and enrion is beautiful, and this place is beautiful, and he thinks his chest, his breath might burst.)
Destro: enri.
Destro: my enri, yes, you...
Destro: have it exactly.
Destro: (pressing light at that elbow)
Destro: it's... strange to me. and not at all unwelcome. that you are my home.
Destro: my enri.
Enrion: (His heart beats an unsteady rhythm, clenching and joyfully bursting. His empty hand rises and soothes along Destro's hair, as if to impart that it's all okay. Everything is okay.)
Destro: (fk well. he is just gonna sink against that touch. let himself feel it, feel enrion, feels this confluence of everything he holds dearest)
Destro: (most fond.)
Enrion: (He presses a kiss to the corner of the other man's mouth, then withdraws only a little.)
Enrion: My fondness.
Enrion: (His only fondness. His greater-than-fondness.)
Destro: (He'll find better words.)
Destro: (a soft sound, almost a whimper. assent that he canot put to words right now, but he can swallow, can holy enrion's eyes and try to communicate his own, oh, fondness, yes, greater-than-fondness.)
Destro: (he really can... rely on this boy. utterly.)
Destro: ((as he adores him, wholly.))
Enrion: (Of course it's reflected back. Why should it be anything else but this unspeakable (not always, someday he'll find the words and speak it) emotion.)
Enrion: (Of course Destro feels the same for him.)
Enrion: (Enrion rests his forehead against Destro's and murmurs softly, /it's okay, it's okay/)
Enrion: (And without giving it too much thought, he offers softly -)
Enrion: My Destro.
Destro: (it helps. it ought to be foolish that hearing 'it's okay' helps, but it does and--)
Destro: (that. oh. that.)
Destro: (he's just. going to... he finds he shifted his head to enrion's shoulder, has drawn himself against the boy in a grateful embrace.)
Destro: (that, oh he. liked the sound of that.)
Destro: (and how welcome he feels.)
Destro: (how damnably fortunate he is.)
Destro: (and softly, voice a little wavered in a self-betrayal he doesn't mind-) enri.
Enrion: (Enrion draws him close without hesitation, wraps him in a warm embrace as though he can shield - ha, as if Destro needs shielding.)
Enrion: ((Doesn't he.))
Destro: (here against enrion, he comes back to himself slowly, breathing a little deeper (breathing in the scent of enrion). and his hand grasp to enrion becomes a slow caress at the boy's boy. and his head pressed against enrion's shoulder offers a nuzzle, again, again.)
Enrion: (Enrion remains quiet, sensing that there are times when he needs to be weak, when he needs to be soft, or kneeling, or pleading - and then there are times when he needs to be -)
Enrion: (Strong. And let Destro lean on him.)
Enrion: (His hands stroke carefully, comfortingly, and he does nuzzle back, though with less of his usual playful, breathless melting.)
Enrion: I'm here. I'll always be here for you. I'm here.
Destro: (as he nuzzles, he nods, slow, registering the words and knowing their truth. knowing how strangely... safe, he feels. (as if he's ever needed to feel safe.) (but when. when was the last timehe lost all semblence of guard? he must have been... young, somewhere in childhood. it's. uncommon. unheard of. and yet here he stands, vulnerabilities bared, and here enrion holds him, reassures him, and everything feels... perfectly in place.)
no subject
Destro: or. if you would still care to...?
Enrion: (He nuzzles Destro's hair, the side of his head, and draws back just a little from their embrace.)
Enrion: Show me everything. (His tone says - if you love it, I love it.)
Destro: (watching enrion without an ounce of defensiveness or distance)
Destro: (and. fuck)
Destro: (that is a deep smile, reaL real smile, and enrion's getting a kiss on the jaw)
Destro: yes, enri.
Enrion: (Enrion's eyes slip closed - he. Needs to keep that smile.)
Enrion: (He needs to remember it.)
Enrion: (So he does. He carves it into memory: something to strive for again and again. His own holy grail.)
Enrion: (And then he reluctantly eases his hold on the other man. Steps back, inviting Destro to lead him.)
Destro: (destro doesn't really know he's smiling. doesn't know much beyond the glow given by enri, this warmth and welcome, this... this everything beyond words.)
Destro: aurelia.
Destro: you've nothing to fear from her.
Enrion: (Enrion stares at the indrik in faint admiration.)
Destro: (she's-- ...lonely. is the trouble. but there's little to be done for it.)
Enrion: (Shakes his head - he's not scared.)
Enrion: I always - um.
Destro: (destro gonna pet her nose, pet under her jaw with the back of his fingers)
Destro: (looking over at enrion; he's listening, curious)
Enrion: (He swallows, because he doesn't want to bring up...things. But why not. Destro's sharing.) I always wanted one. My aunt had horses, instead. More...proper or something.
Enrion: There were wild ones around.
Enrion: Had to cull the herds sometimes. I hated that.
Enrion: She's really ...pretty. Aurelia.
Destro: (this is... (potentially dangerous. the both of them teetering on some edge of saying too much.) (or.) (or this is, maybe, welcome. the boy speaking words that seem draw from somewhere quiet-kept. aurelia shown for the first time since she came here.))
Destro: (this is, destro decides, worth some hazard. (any amount of hazard?) and he's been watching enrion calmly, taking the information, letting the boy know he's listneing, absorbing.)
Destro: (and--)
Destro: she came from summerset, we were told. somewhere in the northwest.
Destro: i understand they can be notoriously difficult to manage.
Destro: you can greet her, if you'd like.
Destro: she does well here, but aurelia hasn't ever been happiest in her own company.
Enrion: (Enrion thinks about saying it might have been somewhere within King's Haven Pass, and then he thinks about asking why Destro keeps her here, in such a cold place. It's not even a little like Summerset.)
Enrion: (He does approach, with the care of someone who knows animals -)
Enrion: (and spends several minutes caressing her, whispering softly in Altmeri.)
Destro: (it strikes destro somewhere deep, though he doesn't let himself look away. swallows hard, quietly, and watches aurelia nudge against enrion's hand.)
Enrion: (Enrion wears a bittersweet smile when he draws away, returns his eyes to Destro's.)
Enrion: They're good companions.
Destro: she has been. we've never... (a moment) she's never been mine. but we understand one another.
Enrion: (Enrion blinks, perplexed.) Whose is she?
Enrion: (He doesn't think she just /was here/ like the greenhouse. Why would she remain?)
Destro: (there's silence - there's near-static in his head - as he presses his lips together, then, looking sideways at enrion) she belong to my wife.
Destro: my former. wife.
Enrion: (A hollow silence. Enrion is and isn't looking at Destro now.)
Destro: we weren't what you would call especially attached, but. i didn't like to leave aurelia alone.
Enrion: (And then he's turning his head away, taking a step back from the indrik and dropping his hand.)
Enrion: (Wife. Former wife. How does one have a former wife. That's not how marriage works.)
Enrion: (Unless she's dead.)
Enrion: (Or. Something else.)
Destro: (he doesn't approach the boy (let him have space if he needs it) (this is what comes of letting truths slip) (that's an incorrect conclusion, fuck's name))
Enrion: (And Destro has kept her mount.)
Destro: (he does turn toward enrion. watches openly, without intrusion.)
Enrion: (Is that bed hers, too.)
Destro: (as if asking permission to continue watching the boy. as if knowing - he does know, or suspect - that he's walked them to a precarious balance)
Enrion: (How much of this place is hers. Was hers. How many -)
Enrion: (Other. Places. And people.)
Destro: (and then, an attempt (because he can guess some measure of the boy's thought paths) (because enrion has made some things evident)--)
Enrion: (His expression isn't particularly pleasant; there's a sullen cast, verging on a scowl, and he drops his hands to rub them on his thighs.)
Enrion: (Then crosses his arms again.)
Destro: ...she wouldn't have done well. remaining with them. aurelia, i mean.
Enrion: ...Them.
Destro: it was my responsibility to see she had a home.
Destro: (a pause) hortensia's family. or. my family.
Enrion: (There's only one way there's a them in this equation.)
Enrion: (He's smart enough for that math.)
Enrion: (His breathing turns sharp, and his mouth presses a thin, hard line, because.)
Enrion: (Because there is a situation. There's a situation where a man has a family, and keeps a lover on the side. And Enrion is starting to believe that's how this story turns out.)
Enrion: You have children.
Destro: (he feels caught out. he also doesn't flinch; this question was inevitable, once he'd mentioned hortensia. or. since he'd introduced the boy to aurelia, to this place, period.)
Enrion: (also if you don't like the direction, can curb him a little)
Destro: a son.
Destro: he's hardly a child. and. i've had little enough to do with him.
Destro: but i am - in name, in title, in bare fact - his father.
Enrion: (...He doesn't look at Destro. He thinks about saying, saying that doesn't sound great. Not a good look for you.)
Enrion: (He doesn't comment at all on it. Not right now. It's hard to look past the searing envy, searing /jealousy/, and the wave of petulant hurt.)
Enrion: (He'd like to hate the indrik, but it's not her fault. She didn't ask to get sucked into this.)
Destro: enri...
Enrion: (Slowly, he shakes his head.)
Destro: (he doesn't know that he has a right to speak that name. he also doesn't want to default to the boy's full name, or risk the sting of it.)
Destro: (watching, not knowing what to make of that gesture, wanting not to fall into wondering)
Enrion: You're married.
Destro: i was.
Destro: i'm not.
Destro: she-- is. for all intents and purposes, dead.
Enrion: (And he loses his temper.)
Enrion: Oh, you just decided to call it off one day?
Enrion: (His voice is hurt, snide, harsh - angry.)
Destro: (just going to. watch. make certain there's no more the boy wishes to add before he responds. because. the boy deserves his space to speak. (much as destro doesn't like the way the words cut.) (destro delivered the hurt in the first place; the least he can do is bears this sting.))
Enrion: (That's all there is: that flash of anger, and then immediate diffusal, like a burst.)
Destro: (and, reminding him to swallow, to breathe--) it was a mutual agreement.
Enrion: (There's a stoniness in his expression - because he's trying very hard - very hard - not to cry. He doesn't cry.)
Enrion: That's not how marriage works.
Destro: (he wants to go to the boy. takes one step before arresting himself; he doesn't want to startle the boy. and maybe. it isn't his place to approach.)
Destro: typically, no.
Destro: but.
Destro: it's possible to carry on a marriage for twelve years, scarcely seeing one another. it's possible to make a marriage of necessity, provide an heir, and--
Enrion: (Enrion balks.)
Destro: and realize neither one of you can tolerate the constraints.
Enrion: (Provide an heir. Provide an heir? He.)
Enrion: (Yes, he. Knows about the son, but he hadn't thought)
Destro: or one another's company, though i think we suspected as much from the start.
Enrion: (Is staring at Destro very much as though he has raised hackles, his lip curled back from his teeth.)
Enrion: Stop talking.
no subject
Destro: (...well.)
Destro: (he finds himself starting at enrion (that look, what is that look?) ((this has gone wretchedly sour))--
Enrion: (Provide. An Heir.) (He (fucked) (slept with) (had sex) -)
Destro: and he does. stop talking. stops breathing.)
Enrion: (His jealousy, if it wasn't apparent a moment ago, is blatant now. Is consuming and furious, leaving him shaking where his too-tense stance doesn't control his limbs.)
Destro: (without thought, without precise intention, he moves toward the boy--two, three steps if he can.)
Enrion: (He doesn't step back, but there's a twist of his shoulder like he means to. (His head hurts. His head is full of a dull roar.))
Enrion: That's not. Exclusivity.
Enrion: (He doesn't chart his own thought's course from the idea of Destro (fucking) (a woman) (or anyone not Enrion) to where he is now.)
Destro: ...enrion. (Softly, unable even to feel annoyed, or feel much beyond cold, ice-edged worry.)
Enrion: (He's only angry. (Hurt.) (Seething.))
Destro: that was years ago.
Destro: it was... really, very little.
Enrion: (He thinks about saying, she's alive. She's still your wife. But that's not the problem; the problem is --)
Enrion: (The problem is. Destro can't. /They/ can't.)
Enrion: (His eyes betray him - flicker down to Destro's hand. And sensing his own mistake, Enrion jerks his head and looks away, at anything else.)
Enrion: (Not like they were going to, anyhow.)
Enrion: (They weren't. They never talked about it.)
Destro: (he saw that. and it'd be difficult to miss the... potential meaning, if not the meaning's actuality (IS that what the boy was thinking? could it possibly be?) and destro holds out his hand, the ring from enrion clear on his finger.)
Destro: enri.
Enrion: (He flinches. Destro saw it. He knows, and now he's going to say something admonishing, or comforting, or apologetic.)
Destro: she has no claim on me, nor i on her. we made certain of it.
Destro: there was a body. as far as anyone knows...
Destro: she is dead.
Enrion: But she's not.
Destro: you know that.
Destro: i know that.
Destro: my sister's wife suspects.
Destro: beyond that...
Enrion: The divines know. The ones you take that vow in front of.
Destro: the general assumption is i had her killed.
Destro: ...puppy.
Destro: (he can't help it. there's a littttle little bit of 'are you serious rn' in that tone)
Enrion: (As a heart attack, daddy.)
Destro: and what if none of the assembled parties believed for a moment in those divines?
Enrion: (Enrion's face has the look to accompany that tone.)
Enrion: (/Are you serious./)
Destro: (destro did not. count on the boy putting stock in any of that dross.)
Destro: (....destro maybe should have considered this :||)
Enrion: You made a pledge of Mara and don't believe in Mara.
Destro: it isn't uncommon in the least.
Destro: ...or.
Destro: it isn't uncommon in my line.
Enrion: ...So if you made it to me. You could just walk away any time you wanted, just like you did to her.
Destro: ...
Destro: (it isn't the same. which he almost says. could snap at the boy. but.)
Enrion: (He's asking hypothetically. He can't remember. The fucking word. 'Hypothetical'. Right now.)
Destro: (but whether it's the same or not isn't the boy's focus or concern. and this isn't a time for running roughshod over enrion's... wishes. needs.)
Destro: (and.)
Destro: (and for that matter.)
Enrion: (His entire head feels like it's in a vise. )
Destro: (what the boy just said rather confirms that earlier suspicion, doesn't it? (that maybe the boy would like something lasting.) (something sealed.) (destro wouldn't have expected it.) ((oh, he would like it.)))
Destro: it isn't any divine that keeps me attached, enrion. (there's warmth in the name. there's an attempt to suggest that his use of the boy's name is no sign of coldness. what he intends is... respect. to let the boy know he udnerstands the situation's severity, or how that severity appears to enrion.)
Destro: i told you, puppy, that she and i agreed together. it was always a possibility. from the start, we knew there was nothing beyond a contract to keep us together. really, it was only a matter of time.
Enrion: (Enrion has begun chewing his lower lip, his eyes distant, his brow furrowed. (He wishes Destro would stop calling him 'puppy'.) (It keeps lancing him, it keeps hurting and tugging like a fishhook.))
Destro: when i finished with the military... mm. it took all of six weeks for us to decide on breaking.
Destro: she never cared especially for me. i never cared for her. beyond what duty required.
Destro: enrion.
Destro: enri.
Destro: what you are to me is another world.
Enrion: (He wants to (and doesn't want to) ask, /do you care for me/, just to be spiteful.)
Destro: what you are to me is... lasting. consonant.
Destro: i've told you you're unmatched. special.
Destro: the words scarcely begin to cover it.
Destro: (if he stops thinking. if he lets thought intrude. he won't be able to say a damned thing. so destro keeps talking, or will keep talking, until his words run themselves through or the boy intervenes)
Enrion: (Another tug at his insides. He's trying not to look at Destro, but. His eyes keep straying back, and his expression looks less certain of the moment-ago rage.)
Destro: enrion. i feel for you.
Enrion: (Destro could be lying. He lies a lot.)
Destro: i lack... the vocabulary needed to speak it properly. but. (looking for the boy's eyes) you ARE my fondness.
Enrion: (But - why about that, when he should have lied about a wife.)
Destro: (it isn't easy, none of this is easy but he dug this hole, he's been digging this hole for himself for years, so. pay up. endure the discomfort. and keep speaking.)
Enrion: ...If I want to leave, and for you to leave me alone.
Enrion: (He doesn't want that.)
Destro: ((he goes still)
Enrion: (He wants to hear the hypothetical.)
Enrion: (Suddenly, he bursts out- )
Enrion: Hypothetically.
Enrion: (Remembered it!)
Enrion: (...It's not a great time to feel proud of himself for remembering a word.)
Destro ... (his throat aches. feels curdled, raw. and still he nearly-smiles at that outburst, the clear pleasure in the boy's voice. found something he was looking for; well, that's something.)
Enrion: (He doesn't know precisely why he's asking. Whether he wants to know if Destro would chase him down and drag him home, or pine for him, or forget him.)
Enrion: (Or if he'll speak to some other 'puppy' and never mention there was someone else, before.)
Destro: ...is that your question? (a worn-out edge to his own question, and of course enrion hadn't spoken the full question. destro can assume the meaning; destro also doesn't. want to assume the meaning. or consider it, at all.)
Enrion: (He considers, then nods, slowly.) If I left, what would happen.
Destro: ...
Destro: (he doesn't. like this.) (the boy deserves an answer.) (Destro can face down an answer.) (he doesn't. like it.)
Destro: (he doesn't know that there's a trustworthy response. a response enrion might accept. a response that won't rend destro. but he has to try. he wants. to try.)
Destro: ...i would look for you.
Destro: listen for you.
Destro: (he's looking off into the depthless sky. can't/ look at enrion right now)
Destro: (Can't focus on anything, because pursuing his answer, the truest answer, requires a release on thought and caution)
Destro: follow you, perhaps unwisely.
Destro: ...likely unwisely.
Destro: if you wished... if you wish nothing to do with me.
Enrion: (Enrion is watching him, and the anger is. Less. Dimmer. (Jealousy fed to dormancy, perhaps.))
Destro: ...i don't always leave well enough alone.
Destro: i don't detach readily from what draws me. catches me... with a hook beneath the ribs.
Destro: i suppose you could shake me. if my pursuit caused your grief.
Destro: somehow...
Destro: if i cut off my wrist.
Destro: shattered a knee.
Destro: perhaps i could convince myself to remain here long enough to let you from my knowing.
Destro: if i knew it'd end your...
Destro: if i knew it was what you wanted.
Destro: ...i want you to be well, enri.
Destro: enrion.
Enrion: (And Enrion, looking at Destro, is remembering that only moments ago, he held this man close and whispered 'my'. That Destro is wearing his ring. (And he's saying things that cut deep, cut beautifully.))
Destro: you would be with me, however far you traveled, but.
Destro: i'd learn not to besiege you.
Destro: however much you'd have me still.
Destro: (and that. that, there. is a destro who's talked himself quiet. into an unsettled uncertainty as he stares, just stares distant.)
Destro: ((because if he looks over and enrion has vanished.) (if he looks over and the boy is nodding, suggesting yes, that's what he wishes.) (...the image doesn't bear consideration.))
Enrion: (Enrion reaches out, the way he did once in a dwemer ruin, and catches Destro's jaw with delicate fingertips.)
Enrion: (He coaxes Destro to look at him - at everything in his expression. Love and pain and jealousy and again, ever and again. Love.)
Destro: (his jaw untenses slightly at that touch, and he finds his thoughts have turned to burning haze, finds his head's an unrelenting pressure, finds his... his eyes, burning. a minor, subtle wet along his cheek.)
Destro: (and he does look, when the the boy beckons. and he sees...)
Enrion: (He can't bear that. Oh, no, no, he can't look at Destro and see (tears) (crying) - that. His entire being recoils from it, an outward rush of a breath. (He hurt Destro.))
Enrion: (Hurt him.)
Destro: (what he'd prefer to see, or is it what's real? (trust himself; he has always been able to trust to himself and his judgment.) (and. trust to the relief he finds at that sight, because. because.) that isn't the boy gone distant. that isn't destro left, stranded. (here, were he knows himself and only himself.))
Destro: (he lets his eyes shut - a moment, just a moment to collect some trace of himself - and opens them again; doesn't want to miss enrion's face for long.)
Enrion: (What else rushes away: all the anger. Enrion doesn't quite know how he got from one place to the next but--)
Enrion: (He was standing, and now he's not. Now he's on the ground, clutching hands to his face, bitterly sorry.)
Enrion: (Enrion's arms wind around Destro, and he presses his cheek to the other man's stomach, his breathing shallow, his world condensed to this single point.)
Enrion: (And he's speaking, quickly, panicked -) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Destro, I won't. I won't, I don't want to leave.
Enrion: My fondness. My whole - everything. I'm so sorry.
Destro: (he scarcely dares to breathe, but wraps the arms around the boy without hesitation, sets his hand against the boy's hair and... carefully, gently caresses.)
Destro: puppy. enri. (his voice still sounds strangled, distant, but he's speaking, and he's aware of the boy's hair between his fingers, the boy pressed against him.)
Destro: (his world. (his entire world, before him. here.))
Destro: it's all right, enri. enri, puppy. (trying to ease his voice and succeeding somewhat, his tone becoming softer, more resonant.)
Enrion: (He's still babbling a little, explaining - something. About being jealous, about being sorry for being jealous, about wanting only Destro, only and forever, really, but half the words are a muffled mess -)
Enrion: (He wishes he could erase the past four minutes, the past ten - or just that memory, that shimmer of wet -)
Enrion: (And what he said to cause pain, and relief after pain.)
Destro: (the boy can't be blamed. (if it were anyone else, destro would fling blame without blinking.) none of this is simple, and the boy is young, can't know much at all about the ways existence complicates what might seem simple, the ways everything contorts over itself.)
Destro: (his arm presses enrion tighter, and destro inhales a shuddered breath. he needs. air. he can breathe a little, now. (enrion isn't gone.) (enrion isn't leaving.) ((there would be. so little left without him.)))
Destro: ((he curls himself over, leaning closer toward enrion, holding tighter still, and still caressing.)
Destro: i should have been more judicious.
Destro: puppy, it was a lot. it is a lot.
Destro: enrion. don't blame yourself, my puppy. my boy.
Destro: my fondness.
no subject
Enrion: (He wanted so badly to have his perfect exclusivity, Destro all to himself, he almost ruined it all. When Destro is telling him things, secret things, important things. Sharing himself -)
Enrion: (Giving himself.)
Enrion: (And he promised not to hurt him. He /promised/ that.)
Enrion: (He can't breathe quite right. He hears Destro speaking, and the words are familiar and soft and lovely, but he did something unspeakably wrong.)
Destro: ((it occurs to destro that he'll need to, he'll want to address the... enrion mentioned jealousy. that. he'll address that at some point. it isn't for this moment. it isn't anything destro can begin to approach, save to think over and over again there's nothing to be jealous or and never was. but the boy doesn't know that. and this isn't the time.)
Destro: it's been a long night, and this place alone isn't easy to take. puppy, i understand.
Enrion: (He doesn't say anything else; he tilts his chin, angling to look up at Destro with agonized, searching eyes, seeing how much damage he did - and asking what he can do.)
Destro: puppy, i'm here. beside you.
Enrion: (And shakes his head. It's not the place.)
Enrion: (It's not the history, the place, the secrets.)
Enrion: (He eases back so he can look up earnestly, without clinging, his hands resting on the other man's sides.) No matter what. --
Enrion: No matter how far I go, or how long I live.
Enrion: I will never stop being yours.
Destro: (difficult to stay standing. difficult to keep his thoughts in focus, or he has no need for thoughts, need only focus on enrion's face, those eyes, the depths rung through his voice.)
Destro: (and he feels enrion's hair beneath one hand, enrion's cheek (when did he find the boy's cheek?) (he'd touch that cheek always, if he could) (always, no matter how far, no matter how long))
Enrion: (He's certain of one thing more, as well; his jaw sets and he presses a hand before Destro can say anything.)
Enrion: I never /want/ to stop being yours.
Destro: (what the boy's saying should be... could be gratifying. a boost for his ego, a set of phrases to stake pride on. but what enrion says becomes none of these things. the boy's words sink deeper and, yes, catch deeper in, more inextricable from destro's lungs.)
Destro: (and he wouldn't want it to be otherwise. and it's all exquisite beyond language.)
Destro: (his pulse wild and his breath slow. enrion's words ringing through him, taking residence within him.)
Destro: oh, puppy.
Destro: (he drops to one knee beside the boy, the better to meet his eyes, the better to offer his caress)
Destro: you never will.
Destro: my enri. i couldn't draw you from me if i tried. ...nor would i. i don't...
Destro: there would be so little without you.
Destro: my fondness. my enri.
Destro: (100% watching him with wonder now. destro's sorrow not vanished, but largely overwhelmed by wonder.)
Destro (by - whether destro knows it or not - something very like (Something that is) adoration.)
Enrion: (Enrion responds to each caress as though they contain miracles, are in themselves miraculous. (Destro is down here on the ground, in the dirt, with him.) (Level with him.) (Equitable.))
Enrion: (He feels something building in his chest, that could be a howl or could be just greater-than-fondness that wants to sit inside him, and he'll let it. He'll carry it with him for all the many long years he lives. There's never going to be anyone like this man, or what this man is to him.)
Enrion: (And softly, assuring and certain, with his eyes on Destro's, his hand seeking Destro's cheek, he manages (around all that building) (surprising his voice is steady and not a cry, not a howl)-)
Enrion: You'll always be mine, too.
Enrion: (He must have learned it somewhere - to make a promise sound like a threat and a vow. Maybe from Destro.)
Destro: (his eyes won't leave enrion's, though he could sink into the comfort of those words, could wrap himself in every sound and steady toning of the boy's voice (pervasive voice, resonant voice that strikes destro resonate, nearly or could-be- radiant)--
Destro: --but the watching is dire, but he won't lose those eyes (won't lose this boy), and his lip flickers a sorrowed--
Destro: --smile turning warmer, turned pleased in the aftershock of that, oh, that steady could-be-growl, that promise-wound-imperative. (this beautiful boy. this --
Destro: --unmatched light who sees and knows him well, who holds him, who will always hold him.) (who he might always hold; will, oh will always hold)
Destro: yes, enri.
Destro: every day, every moment, and always.
Destro: my puppy. stay with me.
Destro: my own; you have me.
Destro: (his smile grows slightly, warms deeper, and his hand presses the boy's cheek, and he could...)
Destro: (and he does.)
Destro: (kiss enrion's forehead, sainted.)
Destro: (and kiss the boy's mouth, not lingering but absolutely adoring.)
Enrion: (A slow nod, and maybe behind his eyes, not so distant, there's a flicker of something woken and unconstrained, primal and vicious. An impulse toward devastation to keep and please what's his. (An impulse that invites Destro to test him, to try him. To watch what blood he'll run to keep his (love) (mate) Daddy.)) (His eyes slip shut over that violence, the remnants of his expression drifting towards rapture as first one kiss finds his forehead, then another graces his lips.)
Enrion: (He parts them with a moan, willing Destro back - how could he have forgotten this, in a moment of rage?)
Enrion: (How he feels electric and possessed, certain of everything in the world.)
Destro: puppy.
Destro: my enri.
Destro: (another kiss, a little more lingered, a way of assuring the boy that yes, his certainty can hold sealed: destro will never relinquish enrion, and destro will never be relinquished.)
Destro: let's go home, puppy.
Enrion: (A beat.)
Enrion: (Enrion watching him intently, serious - intent and intense, full of adoration and want.)
Enrion: (His fingertips trace a reverent path down Destro's cheek before he leans in and brushes his lips against the corner of the other man's mouth. )
Enrion: (His words are whispered, breath against skin, heated and loving.) I am home, Daddy.
Destro: (there, all of the (hope) (fondness) assurance he needs in the world. in that kiss, and...)
Destro: (he feels improbable, feels lightheaded and aflame and granted the boon of freshest, clearest air.)
Destro: (And he smiles. and he breathes the skin against his own, and he could stay here forever, here with his enri, his home, oh always his home.)