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kingdomsofrain2025-09-24 03:51 pm
onefellswoop) wrote in kingdomsofrain2025-09-24 03:51 pm
destro & enrion
-you're my home, too: introduction to coldharbour. (rook needs to edit and repost this holy shit)
-betrayal: silvanus imposes a visit. destro fucks up real fucking bad. enrion tells daddy to stay.
-dungeon doings.
introduction to coldharbour: 1
Destro: (out of nowhere asks enrion if he's ever been to coldharbour)
Destro: (have they been cuddling probablyyyy)
Enrion: (looks like he just sat up after cuddle time very ??? where u going)
Destro: (Destro has been entertaing A Though over the past few days. past... weeks.)
Destro: (it comes back to him now as a impulse, striking sharp enough that he draws back from the boy's warmth, hand set light against enrion's shoulder.)
Destro: (he's blinking. he could... consider this. could shove the impulse away. it's late, they're comfortable, and the boy's warmth is deeply appealing.)
Enrion: (Enrion hums a protest, easing up with a bemused expression. His voice is soft, has been soft all evening, drowsy with narcotic pleasure.) Daddy?
Destro: (oh, that isn't making this any easier, ad destro swallows, shifts his forefinger over the boy's shoulder. (it would be easy to stay.) (but, there's that sharp compulsion.) (but, if the moment strikes and he pushes it off, will he be able to find a moment again?) (it isn't... easy, what he's thinking of doing.) (it isn't easy, but he wants to do it.))
Destro: enri.
Destro: (a moment as he lets his thoughts settle, as he breathes, as he considers the decisions he could and couldn't make. (there. that idea, alone: there are choices to be made. he. has a choice to make. and the path ahead is clear.))
Destro: (finger still drifting over enrion's shoulder, he speaks, voice almost a little too even-)
Destro: puppy. have you ever been to coldharbour?
Enrion: (He feels languid, feels warm and supple, and there were caresses, there was himself and Destro twined impossibly close, there had been whispers - why would Destro leave that?)
Enrion: (...To talk about. Coldharbour. Of all things.)
Enrion: (He hasn't. He shakes his head, clearly at a loss for why this is a question.) Mm-mm.
Destro: (a slow nod, more to himself than to enrion. another breath, and again his finger brushes enrion's shoulder.)
Destro: puppy... i'd like to show you something.
Enrion: (He thinks about reaching out to Destro, whispering 'come back', but he's not fast enough. And -)
Enrion: (This seems important. His eyes clear a little of their dazed unconcern, and Enrion cocks his head.)
Destro: (there's something unsettled in destro's expression, and from time to time his gaze flicks sideways, toward nothing, then back to enrion, fully focused. he thinks perhaps he ought to say more. he doesn't think he'd know where to begin.)
Enrion: (He thinks back to some weeks ago, to - that conversation. That heavy conversation. Destro wants to show him something - and it might be? Maybe that. Related to that.)
Enrion: A secret?
Destro: ((can't even think about it, really. no one... no one has seen his place there. he'd assumed no one ever would.))
Destro: (a nod, this time for enrion) yes, enrion.
Destro: my enri, it is...
Destro: please.
Destro: the timing may not be ideal, but.
Destro: ...as i said. i am unaccustomed to forthrightness.
Destro you might need to take the opportunity when it strikes.
Enrion: (He nods without hesitating - a little eager. A lot...Something other. Gratitude, maybe.)
Enrion: The pillows aren't going anywhere.
Destro: (a small smile, a little bit distracted though he tries to keep focused on the boy.)
Destro: true.
Destro: (before he can let himself linger, he's upward, reaching for enrion.)
Destro: stick with me.
Enrion: (Enrion reaches back, assuring. Rising to his feet. And - yeah. Holding on.)
Destro: this is....
Destro: i suppose you'll see.
Enrion: (This is /creepy/. But he's not going to say that.)
Destro: (he hadn't precisely prepared the place for the boy, but. perhaps it's better than way. less contrived, or... well. never mind.)
Enrion: (just look around with a neutral expression, and follow destro.)
Destro: (just gonna. pause a moment.)
Enrion: (....Focusing as ever on the wrong thing)
Enrion: (Enrion points and -)
Enrion: Hey, an indrik!
Destro: ...yes.
Enrion: (...What's an indrik doing in Coldharbour.)
Enrion: ...Huh.
Destro: you're welcome to meet her. after you...
Destro: i'll introduce you.
Enrion: (He looks at Destro, then...past. Destro.)
Enrion: (It looks like a greenhouse, like what he'd see in Summerset.)
Enrion: (It's weird, to see all of these familiar things in this...place.)
Destro: (part of the trouble here. with this place. is that it resonates so thoroughly with destro. that he's found no place more consonant with himself (With himself alone, because there's a follow-up thought: the manor is becoming equally as consonant, with destro who has enrion.))
Destro: (difficult to share anything so close to himself. difficult to share anything so littered with signs of what and where he's been, the pieces he feigns to have discarded but hasn't wholly lost hold of.)
Destro: (he cocks his head, a movement half-forced.)
Enrion: (It doesn't take Enrion long. Not as long as usual.)
Enrion: ...This is where you go.
Destro: ...yes, puppy.
Enrion: (When Destro goes.)
Destro: it is...
Destro: mm.
Enrion: (He's frowning faintly. He doesn't. Know what to make of it yet.)
Destro: you could call it my most regular haunt. outsider of recent months.
Destro: (he tries not to dwell on that frown. clears his throat)
Destro: i'll show you the... well. what passes for an inside.
Enrion: (He tilts his head. He can already SEE inside - to the bed. To the lamplight.)
Destro: a little bare right now, but. you see.
Enrion: (He doesn't move far past the threshold. There's little judgment in his bearing, but his uncertainty is clear.)
Destro: (that wasn't really a complete sentence, or thought. he knows.)
Destro: i like to...
Destro: while i'm here, puppy.
Destro: i prefer to see the sky.
Enrion: (He doesn't like that there are two pillows on the bed. He has questions about it. About whether Destro sleeps here. And who sleeps here with him.)
Destro: i came upon this place with the greenhouse and. it's been mine ever since.
Enrion: (He tries to focus. This is important. Destro's showing him something personal and private and secret.)
Enrion: (That's important, and he tries to hold on to it.)
Destro: (he's starting to feel nervous. more nervous? uneasy. the boy doesn't look precisely on solid ground, and it's to be expected. destro's given no way of understanding this place. destro's not certain he could explain it.)
Destro: it's the only place i have that...
Enrion: (And he remembers Destro said he might not like - or no, that's not right. He said. What was it he said.)
Enrion: (When Enrion knew him through and through.)
Enrion: (His attention slowly shifts around the room, then comes to rest on Destro - who looks uneasy.)
Destro: i've. suggested to you. that i own homes, properties beyond our dwelling.
Enrion: (Enrion blinks, then nods.)
Enrion: ('Our', he called it.)
Enrion: (But.)
Enrion: Our home.
Destro: (a nod, and a small smile that's mostly grateful, partly abashed; he might have said as much in the first place.) our home, puppy. yes.
Destro: this.
Enrion: (Enrion's eyes raise, because a moment or two ago, Destro said something about liking to see the sky.)
Destro: ...i don't make a habit of telling anyone where i'll be on any given day. but there are people - my family prime among them - who know where i might be. what places are mine.
Destro: this is the one place i've kept hidden.
Enrion: (And his attention snaps back.)
Enrion: ...You haven't told anyone else?
Destro: (blinking, shaking his head once) no.
Destro: nor did i intend to.
Destro: this is...
Destro: i suppose you could call it a well-kept secret. playing host to... other. more or less well-kept secrets.
Destro: (Clears his throat, tosses his hair, not quite looking at enrion)
Enrion: (Enrion does feel a momentary flicker of pleasure - to be in on the secret, to be the only one no matter how many pillows are on the bed. But it fades almost immediately.)
Enrion: (Replaced by.)
Enrion: (He. Doesn't like it. This place is bleak, and empty of warmth, and Destro comes here /alone/.)
Enrion: ...I don't like that, Destro.
Enrion: (His voice lacks accusation; it carries only soft fretfulness, the same as his eyes lingering, seeking.)
Enrion: I don't like thinking of you alone like that.
Destro: (he tries not to balk at the words. (the way he feels them slam against him, though he expects there's no censure intended, though he expects the force he feels is of his own perceiving. no, there isn't accusation or thrust force in enrion's words. still. for a moment, it was hard to take.))
Destro: (the follow-up helps, and he manages a small smile.)
Destro: oh, enri.
Destro: i understand it isn't...
Destro: it doesn't appear a warm place. i know. but i've never felt...
Destro: ...i'm near to myself here. myself, and my capabilities.
Destro: as i am, i find, becoming nearer and nearer to myself in our home.
Enrion: (There's something stirring in Enrion's brain, some awareness or. Some comprehension. That Destro needs this place.)
Destro: that, puppy, is new. and dire to me.
Destro: but this is also... i suppose, who i am.
Enrion: (He listens, and he lets the words settle against the dawning comprehension.)
Destro: (he wants... fuck. he wants the boy to understand, to understad at least some part of his meaning. but he can't let himself think on that. because what if. because what if...)
Enrion: (And there's something. He's not quite grasping, but he thinks he feels it there, right on the tip of his tongue.)
Destro: ((he doesn't like to think of enrion looking at him or at this place with condemnation.))
Enrion: (Something about the direness of home.)
Enrion: (...Funny, that he feels at home with Enrion in Reaper's March. But has this home, too.)
Enrion: (Funny that he kept it secret.)
Enrion: (Funny that. He. Brought Enrion here. From their home in Reaper's March. To this place, that is also dire.)
Enrion: (And home.)
Destro: (he wishes the boy would speak. feels himself beginning to fidgit (a rarity), fingers curling and uncurling behind his back.)
Enrion: (He's staring at Destro, but not quite at him. Listening to the rumble of not-storms, and the quality of their breathing and the music from a music box.)
Destro: (he shouldn't. push enrion. he won't. but the silence weighs on him.)
Enrion: (And the puzzle piece slots into place. His expression softens, his head ducking a little.)
Enrion: (It's an assumption, but it's not that big of one. Not a leap, when Destro is wearing his ring.)
Destro: (he sees that shift in expression, and there's a fluttering through his lungs, his chest.)
Destro: (maybe. maybe.)
Enrion: (It's not home anymore. But Destro needs it, so he brought what is "home".)
Enrion: (Enrion's mouth curves in a lopsided smile.)
Enrion: (He closes the distance - one or two steps - and draws the backs of his fingers along Destro's cheek.)
Enrion: (And softly - bending down a little to meet eye-to-eye, to make sure Destro hears him, feels the impact -)
Destro: (his eyes clench shut, his head burning with relief. with the grace of that touch and the image of that smile.)
Enrion: Hey. Look at me.
Destro: (feeling the boy come closer, and opening his eyes to find him, to answer that call)
Destro: (yes; he'll look; yes, those eyes are the truest he's known)
Enrion: (--Oh. Oh, he. Feels the last little bit of his heart go out.)
Enrion: (And smiles tenderly (lovingly) (loving) (oh, he does, every bit -))
Enrion: You're my home, too.
1
Destro: (anyone knowing him, and the world not fracturing.)
Destro: (he wants to touch enrion's cheek; all he manages is to wrap his hand at the boy's elbow, a light and barely maintained hold. it's hard to... manage much of anything.)
Destro: (and enrion is beautiful, and this place is beautiful, and he thinks his chest, his breath might burst.)
Destro: enri.
Destro: my enri, yes, you...
Destro: have it exactly.
Destro: (pressing light at that elbow)
Destro: it's... strange to me. and not at all unwelcome. that you are my home.
Destro: my enri.
Enrion: (His heart beats an unsteady rhythm, clenching and joyfully bursting. His empty hand rises and soothes along Destro's hair, as if to impart that it's all okay. Everything is okay.)
Destro: (fk well. he is just gonna sink against that touch. let himself feel it, feel enrion, feels this confluence of everything he holds dearest)
Destro: (most fond.)
Enrion: (He presses a kiss to the corner of the other man's mouth, then withdraws only a little.)
Enrion: My fondness.
Enrion: (His only fondness. His greater-than-fondness.)
Destro: (He'll find better words.)
Destro: (a soft sound, almost a whimper. assent that he canot put to words right now, but he can swallow, can holy enrion's eyes and try to communicate his own, oh, fondness, yes, greater-than-fondness.)
Destro: (he really can... rely on this boy. utterly.)
Destro: ((as he adores him, wholly.))
Enrion: (Of course it's reflected back. Why should it be anything else but this unspeakable (not always, someday he'll find the words and speak it) emotion.)
Enrion: (Of course Destro feels the same for him.)
Enrion: (Enrion rests his forehead against Destro's and murmurs softly, /it's okay, it's okay/)
Enrion: (And without giving it too much thought, he offers softly -)
Enrion: My Destro.
Destro: (it helps. it ought to be foolish that hearing 'it's okay' helps, but it does and--)
Destro: (that. oh. that.)
Destro: (he's just. going to... he finds he shifted his head to enrion's shoulder, has drawn himself against the boy in a grateful embrace.)
Destro: (that, oh he. liked the sound of that.)
Destro: (and how welcome he feels.)
Destro: (how damnably fortunate he is.)
Destro: (and softly, voice a little wavered in a self-betrayal he doesn't mind-) enri.
Enrion: (Enrion draws him close without hesitation, wraps him in a warm embrace as though he can shield - ha, as if Destro needs shielding.)
Enrion: ((Doesn't he.))
Destro: (here against enrion, he comes back to himself slowly, breathing a little deeper (breathing in the scent of enrion). and his hand grasp to enrion becomes a slow caress at the boy's boy. and his head pressed against enrion's shoulder offers a nuzzle, again, again.)
Enrion: (Enrion remains quiet, sensing that there are times when he needs to be weak, when he needs to be soft, or kneeling, or pleading - and then there are times when he needs to be -)
Enrion: (Strong. And let Destro lean on him.)
Enrion: (His hands stroke carefully, comfortingly, and he does nuzzle back, though with less of his usual playful, breathless melting.)
Enrion: I'm here. I'll always be here for you. I'm here.
Destro: (as he nuzzles, he nods, slow, registering the words and knowing their truth. knowing how strangely... safe, he feels. (as if he's ever needed to feel safe.) (but when. when was the last timehe lost all semblence of guard? he must have been... young, somewhere in childhood. it's. uncommon. unheard of. and yet here he stands, vulnerabilities bared, and here enrion holds him, reassures him, and everything feels... perfectly in place.)
no subject
Destro: or. if you would still care to...?
Enrion: (He nuzzles Destro's hair, the side of his head, and draws back just a little from their embrace.)
Enrion: Show me everything. (His tone says - if you love it, I love it.)
Destro: (watching enrion without an ounce of defensiveness or distance)
Destro: (and. fuck)
Destro: (that is a deep smile, reaL real smile, and enrion's getting a kiss on the jaw)
Destro: yes, enri.
Enrion: (Enrion's eyes slip closed - he. Needs to keep that smile.)
Enrion: (He needs to remember it.)
Enrion: (So he does. He carves it into memory: something to strive for again and again. His own holy grail.)
Enrion: (And then he reluctantly eases his hold on the other man. Steps back, inviting Destro to lead him.)
Destro: (destro doesn't really know he's smiling. doesn't know much beyond the glow given by enri, this warmth and welcome, this... this everything beyond words.)
Destro: aurelia.
Destro: you've nothing to fear from her.
Enrion: (Enrion stares at the indrik in faint admiration.)
Destro: (she's-- ...lonely. is the trouble. but there's little to be done for it.)
Enrion: (Shakes his head - he's not scared.)
Enrion: I always - um.
Destro: (destro gonna pet her nose, pet under her jaw with the back of his fingers)
Destro: (looking over at enrion; he's listening, curious)
Enrion: (He swallows, because he doesn't want to bring up...things. But why not. Destro's sharing.) I always wanted one. My aunt had horses, instead. More...proper or something.
Enrion: There were wild ones around.
Enrion: Had to cull the herds sometimes. I hated that.
Enrion: She's really ...pretty. Aurelia.
Destro: (this is... (potentially dangerous. the both of them teetering on some edge of saying too much.) (or.) (or this is, maybe, welcome. the boy speaking words that seem draw from somewhere quiet-kept. aurelia shown for the first time since she came here.))
Destro: (this is, destro decides, worth some hazard. (any amount of hazard?) and he's been watching enrion calmly, taking the information, letting the boy know he's listneing, absorbing.)
Destro: (and--)
Destro: she came from summerset, we were told. somewhere in the northwest.
Destro: i understand they can be notoriously difficult to manage.
Destro: you can greet her, if you'd like.
Destro: she does well here, but aurelia hasn't ever been happiest in her own company.
Enrion: (Enrion thinks about saying it might have been somewhere within King's Haven Pass, and then he thinks about asking why Destro keeps her here, in such a cold place. It's not even a little like Summerset.)
Enrion: (He does approach, with the care of someone who knows animals -)
Enrion: (and spends several minutes caressing her, whispering softly in Altmeri.)
Destro: (it strikes destro somewhere deep, though he doesn't let himself look away. swallows hard, quietly, and watches aurelia nudge against enrion's hand.)
Enrion: (Enrion wears a bittersweet smile when he draws away, returns his eyes to Destro's.)
Enrion: They're good companions.
Destro: she has been. we've never... (a moment) she's never been mine. but we understand one another.
Enrion: (Enrion blinks, perplexed.) Whose is she?
Enrion: (He doesn't think she just /was here/ like the greenhouse. Why would she remain?)
Destro: (there's silence - there's near-static in his head - as he presses his lips together, then, looking sideways at enrion) she belong to my wife.
Destro: my former. wife.
Enrion: (A hollow silence. Enrion is and isn't looking at Destro now.)
Destro: we weren't what you would call especially attached, but. i didn't like to leave aurelia alone.
Enrion: (And then he's turning his head away, taking a step back from the indrik and dropping his hand.)
Enrion: (Wife. Former wife. How does one have a former wife. That's not how marriage works.)
Enrion: (Unless she's dead.)
Enrion: (Or. Something else.)
Destro: (he doesn't approach the boy (let him have space if he needs it) (this is what comes of letting truths slip) (that's an incorrect conclusion, fuck's name))
Enrion: (And Destro has kept her mount.)
Destro: (he does turn toward enrion. watches openly, without intrusion.)
Enrion: (Is that bed hers, too.)
Destro: (as if asking permission to continue watching the boy. as if knowing - he does know, or suspect - that he's walked them to a precarious balance)
Enrion: (How much of this place is hers. Was hers. How many -)
Enrion: (Other. Places. And people.)
Destro: (and then, an attempt (because he can guess some measure of the boy's thought paths) (because enrion has made some things evident)--)
Enrion: (His expression isn't particularly pleasant; there's a sullen cast, verging on a scowl, and he drops his hands to rub them on his thighs.)
Enrion: (Then crosses his arms again.)
Destro: ...she wouldn't have done well. remaining with them. aurelia, i mean.
Enrion: ...Them.
Destro: it was my responsibility to see she had a home.
Destro: (a pause) hortensia's family. or. my family.
Enrion: (There's only one way there's a them in this equation.)
Enrion: (He's smart enough for that math.)
Enrion: (His breathing turns sharp, and his mouth presses a thin, hard line, because.)
Enrion: (Because there is a situation. There's a situation where a man has a family, and keeps a lover on the side. And Enrion is starting to believe that's how this story turns out.)
Enrion: You have children.
Destro: (he feels caught out. he also doesn't flinch; this question was inevitable, once he'd mentioned hortensia. or. since he'd introduced the boy to aurelia, to this place, period.)
Enrion: (also if you don't like the direction, can curb him a little)
Destro: a son.
Destro: he's hardly a child. and. i've had little enough to do with him.
Destro: but i am - in name, in title, in bare fact - his father.
Enrion: (...He doesn't look at Destro. He thinks about saying, saying that doesn't sound great. Not a good look for you.)
Enrion: (He doesn't comment at all on it. Not right now. It's hard to look past the searing envy, searing /jealousy/, and the wave of petulant hurt.)
Enrion: (He'd like to hate the indrik, but it's not her fault. She didn't ask to get sucked into this.)
Destro: enri...
Enrion: (Slowly, he shakes his head.)
Destro: (he doesn't know that he has a right to speak that name. he also doesn't want to default to the boy's full name, or risk the sting of it.)
Destro: (watching, not knowing what to make of that gesture, wanting not to fall into wondering)
Enrion: You're married.
Destro: i was.
Destro: i'm not.
Destro: she-- is. for all intents and purposes, dead.
Enrion: (And he loses his temper.)
Enrion: Oh, you just decided to call it off one day?
Enrion: (His voice is hurt, snide, harsh - angry.)
Destro: (just going to. watch. make certain there's no more the boy wishes to add before he responds. because. the boy deserves his space to speak. (much as destro doesn't like the way the words cut.) (destro delivered the hurt in the first place; the least he can do is bears this sting.))
Enrion: (That's all there is: that flash of anger, and then immediate diffusal, like a burst.)
Destro: (and, reminding him to swallow, to breathe--) it was a mutual agreement.
Enrion: (There's a stoniness in his expression - because he's trying very hard - very hard - not to cry. He doesn't cry.)
Enrion: That's not how marriage works.
Destro: (he wants to go to the boy. takes one step before arresting himself; he doesn't want to startle the boy. and maybe. it isn't his place to approach.)
Destro: typically, no.
Destro: but.
Destro: it's possible to carry on a marriage for twelve years, scarcely seeing one another. it's possible to make a marriage of necessity, provide an heir, and--
Enrion: (Enrion balks.)
Destro: and realize neither one of you can tolerate the constraints.
Enrion: (Provide an heir. Provide an heir? He.)
Enrion: (Yes, he. Knows about the son, but he hadn't thought)
Destro: or one another's company, though i think we suspected as much from the start.
Enrion: (Is staring at Destro very much as though he has raised hackles, his lip curled back from his teeth.)
Enrion: Stop talking.
no subject
Destro: (...well.)
Destro: (he finds himself starting at enrion (that look, what is that look?) ((this has gone wretchedly sour))--
Enrion: (Provide. An Heir.) (He (fucked) (slept with) (had sex) -)
Destro: and he does. stop talking. stops breathing.)
Enrion: (His jealousy, if it wasn't apparent a moment ago, is blatant now. Is consuming and furious, leaving him shaking where his too-tense stance doesn't control his limbs.)
Destro: (without thought, without precise intention, he moves toward the boy--two, three steps if he can.)
Enrion: (He doesn't step back, but there's a twist of his shoulder like he means to. (His head hurts. His head is full of a dull roar.))
Enrion: That's not. Exclusivity.
Enrion: (He doesn't chart his own thought's course from the idea of Destro (fucking) (a woman) (or anyone not Enrion) to where he is now.)
Destro: ...enrion. (Softly, unable even to feel annoyed, or feel much beyond cold, ice-edged worry.)
Enrion: (He's only angry. (Hurt.) (Seething.))
Destro: that was years ago.
Destro: it was... really, very little.
Enrion: (He thinks about saying, she's alive. She's still your wife. But that's not the problem; the problem is --)
Enrion: (The problem is. Destro can't. /They/ can't.)
Enrion: (His eyes betray him - flicker down to Destro's hand. And sensing his own mistake, Enrion jerks his head and looks away, at anything else.)
Enrion: (Not like they were going to, anyhow.)
Enrion: (They weren't. They never talked about it.)
Destro: (he saw that. and it'd be difficult to miss the... potential meaning, if not the meaning's actuality (IS that what the boy was thinking? could it possibly be?) and destro holds out his hand, the ring from enrion clear on his finger.)
Destro: enri.
Enrion: (He flinches. Destro saw it. He knows, and now he's going to say something admonishing, or comforting, or apologetic.)
Destro: she has no claim on me, nor i on her. we made certain of it.
Destro: there was a body. as far as anyone knows...
Destro: she is dead.
Enrion: But she's not.
Destro: you know that.
Destro: i know that.
Destro: my sister's wife suspects.
Destro: beyond that...
Enrion: The divines know. The ones you take that vow in front of.
Destro: the general assumption is i had her killed.
Destro: ...puppy.
Destro: (he can't help it. there's a littttle little bit of 'are you serious rn' in that tone)
Enrion: (As a heart attack, daddy.)
Destro: and what if none of the assembled parties believed for a moment in those divines?
Enrion: (Enrion's face has the look to accompany that tone.)
Enrion: (/Are you serious./)
Destro: (destro did not. count on the boy putting stock in any of that dross.)
Destro: (....destro maybe should have considered this :||)
Enrion: You made a pledge of Mara and don't believe in Mara.
Destro: it isn't uncommon in the least.
Destro: ...or.
Destro: it isn't uncommon in my line.
Enrion: ...So if you made it to me. You could just walk away any time you wanted, just like you did to her.
Destro: ...
Destro: (it isn't the same. which he almost says. could snap at the boy. but.)
Enrion: (He's asking hypothetically. He can't remember. The fucking word. 'Hypothetical'. Right now.)
Destro: (but whether it's the same or not isn't the boy's focus or concern. and this isn't a time for running roughshod over enrion's... wishes. needs.)
Destro: (and.)
Destro: (and for that matter.)
Enrion: (His entire head feels like it's in a vise. )
Destro: (what the boy just said rather confirms that earlier suspicion, doesn't it? (that maybe the boy would like something lasting.) (something sealed.) (destro wouldn't have expected it.) ((oh, he would like it.)))
Destro: it isn't any divine that keeps me attached, enrion. (there's warmth in the name. there's an attempt to suggest that his use of the boy's name is no sign of coldness. what he intends is... respect. to let the boy know he udnerstands the situation's severity, or how that severity appears to enrion.)
Destro: i told you, puppy, that she and i agreed together. it was always a possibility. from the start, we knew there was nothing beyond a contract to keep us together. really, it was only a matter of time.
Enrion: (Enrion has begun chewing his lower lip, his eyes distant, his brow furrowed. (He wishes Destro would stop calling him 'puppy'.) (It keeps lancing him, it keeps hurting and tugging like a fishhook.))
Destro: when i finished with the military... mm. it took all of six weeks for us to decide on breaking.
Destro: she never cared especially for me. i never cared for her. beyond what duty required.
Destro: enrion.
Destro: enri.
Destro: what you are to me is another world.
Enrion: (He wants to (and doesn't want to) ask, /do you care for me/, just to be spiteful.)
Destro: what you are to me is... lasting. consonant.
Destro: i've told you you're unmatched. special.
Destro: the words scarcely begin to cover it.
Destro: (if he stops thinking. if he lets thought intrude. he won't be able to say a damned thing. so destro keeps talking, or will keep talking, until his words run themselves through or the boy intervenes)
Enrion: (Another tug at his insides. He's trying not to look at Destro, but. His eyes keep straying back, and his expression looks less certain of the moment-ago rage.)
Destro: enrion. i feel for you.
Enrion: (Destro could be lying. He lies a lot.)
Destro: i lack... the vocabulary needed to speak it properly. but. (looking for the boy's eyes) you ARE my fondness.
Enrion: (But - why about that, when he should have lied about a wife.)
Destro: (it isn't easy, none of this is easy but he dug this hole, he's been digging this hole for himself for years, so. pay up. endure the discomfort. and keep speaking.)
Enrion: ...If I want to leave, and for you to leave me alone.
Enrion: (He doesn't want that.)
Destro: ((he goes still)
Enrion: (He wants to hear the hypothetical.)
Enrion: (Suddenly, he bursts out- )
Enrion: Hypothetically.
Enrion: (Remembered it!)
Enrion: (...It's not a great time to feel proud of himself for remembering a word.)
Destro ... (his throat aches. feels curdled, raw. and still he nearly-smiles at that outburst, the clear pleasure in the boy's voice. found something he was looking for; well, that's something.)
Enrion: (He doesn't know precisely why he's asking. Whether he wants to know if Destro would chase him down and drag him home, or pine for him, or forget him.)
Enrion: (Or if he'll speak to some other 'puppy' and never mention there was someone else, before.)
Destro: ...is that your question? (a worn-out edge to his own question, and of course enrion hadn't spoken the full question. destro can assume the meaning; destro also doesn't. want to assume the meaning. or consider it, at all.)
Enrion: (He considers, then nods, slowly.) If I left, what would happen.
Destro: ...
Destro: (he doesn't. like this.) (the boy deserves an answer.) (Destro can face down an answer.) (he doesn't. like it.)
Destro: (he doesn't know that there's a trustworthy response. a response enrion might accept. a response that won't rend destro. but he has to try. he wants. to try.)
Destro: ...i would look for you.
Destro: listen for you.
Destro: (he's looking off into the depthless sky. can't/ look at enrion right now)
Destro: (Can't focus on anything, because pursuing his answer, the truest answer, requires a release on thought and caution)
Destro: follow you, perhaps unwisely.
Destro: ...likely unwisely.
Destro: if you wished... if you wish nothing to do with me.
Enrion: (Enrion is watching him, and the anger is. Less. Dimmer. (Jealousy fed to dormancy, perhaps.))
Destro: ...i don't always leave well enough alone.
Destro: i don't detach readily from what draws me. catches me... with a hook beneath the ribs.
Destro: i suppose you could shake me. if my pursuit caused your grief.
Destro: somehow...
Destro: if i cut off my wrist.
Destro: shattered a knee.
Destro: perhaps i could convince myself to remain here long enough to let you from my knowing.
Destro: if i knew it'd end your...
Destro: if i knew it was what you wanted.
Destro: ...i want you to be well, enri.
Destro: enrion.
Enrion: (And Enrion, looking at Destro, is remembering that only moments ago, he held this man close and whispered 'my'. That Destro is wearing his ring. (And he's saying things that cut deep, cut beautifully.))
Destro: you would be with me, however far you traveled, but.
Destro: i'd learn not to besiege you.
Destro: however much you'd have me still.
Destro: (and that. that, there. is a destro who's talked himself quiet. into an unsettled uncertainty as he stares, just stares distant.)
Destro: ((because if he looks over and enrion has vanished.) (if he looks over and the boy is nodding, suggesting yes, that's what he wishes.) (...the image doesn't bear consideration.))
Enrion: (Enrion reaches out, the way he did once in a dwemer ruin, and catches Destro's jaw with delicate fingertips.)
Enrion: (He coaxes Destro to look at him - at everything in his expression. Love and pain and jealousy and again, ever and again. Love.)
Destro: (his jaw untenses slightly at that touch, and he finds his thoughts have turned to burning haze, finds his head's an unrelenting pressure, finds his... his eyes, burning. a minor, subtle wet along his cheek.)
Destro: (and he does look, when the the boy beckons. and he sees...)
Enrion: (He can't bear that. Oh, no, no, he can't look at Destro and see (tears) (crying) - that. His entire being recoils from it, an outward rush of a breath. (He hurt Destro.))
Enrion: (Hurt him.)
Destro: (what he'd prefer to see, or is it what's real? (trust himself; he has always been able to trust to himself and his judgment.) (and. trust to the relief he finds at that sight, because. because.) that isn't the boy gone distant. that isn't destro left, stranded. (here, were he knows himself and only himself.))
Destro: (he lets his eyes shut - a moment, just a moment to collect some trace of himself - and opens them again; doesn't want to miss enrion's face for long.)
Enrion: (What else rushes away: all the anger. Enrion doesn't quite know how he got from one place to the next but--)
Enrion: (He was standing, and now he's not. Now he's on the ground, clutching hands to his face, bitterly sorry.)
Enrion: (Enrion's arms wind around Destro, and he presses his cheek to the other man's stomach, his breathing shallow, his world condensed to this single point.)
Enrion: (And he's speaking, quickly, panicked -) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Destro, I won't. I won't, I don't want to leave.
Enrion: My fondness. My whole - everything. I'm so sorry.
Destro: (he scarcely dares to breathe, but wraps the arms around the boy without hesitation, sets his hand against the boy's hair and... carefully, gently caresses.)
Destro: puppy. enri. (his voice still sounds strangled, distant, but he's speaking, and he's aware of the boy's hair between his fingers, the boy pressed against him.)
Destro: (his world. (his entire world, before him. here.))
Destro: it's all right, enri. enri, puppy. (trying to ease his voice and succeeding somewhat, his tone becoming softer, more resonant.)
Enrion: (He's still babbling a little, explaining - something. About being jealous, about being sorry for being jealous, about wanting only Destro, only and forever, really, but half the words are a muffled mess -)
Enrion: (He wishes he could erase the past four minutes, the past ten - or just that memory, that shimmer of wet -)
Enrion: (And what he said to cause pain, and relief after pain.)
Destro: (the boy can't be blamed. (if it were anyone else, destro would fling blame without blinking.) none of this is simple, and the boy is young, can't know much at all about the ways existence complicates what might seem simple, the ways everything contorts over itself.)
Destro: (his arm presses enrion tighter, and destro inhales a shuddered breath. he needs. air. he can breathe a little, now. (enrion isn't gone.) (enrion isn't leaving.) ((there would be. so little left without him.)))
Destro: ((he curls himself over, leaning closer toward enrion, holding tighter still, and still caressing.)
Destro: i should have been more judicious.
Destro: puppy, it was a lot. it is a lot.
Destro: enrion. don't blame yourself, my puppy. my boy.
Destro: my fondness.
no subject
Enrion: (He wanted so badly to have his perfect exclusivity, Destro all to himself, he almost ruined it all. When Destro is telling him things, secret things, important things. Sharing himself -)
Enrion: (Giving himself.)
Enrion: (And he promised not to hurt him. He /promised/ that.)
Enrion: (He can't breathe quite right. He hears Destro speaking, and the words are familiar and soft and lovely, but he did something unspeakably wrong.)
Destro: ((it occurs to destro that he'll need to, he'll want to address the... enrion mentioned jealousy. that. he'll address that at some point. it isn't for this moment. it isn't anything destro can begin to approach, save to think over and over again there's nothing to be jealous or and never was. but the boy doesn't know that. and this isn't the time.)
Destro: it's been a long night, and this place alone isn't easy to take. puppy, i understand.
Enrion: (He doesn't say anything else; he tilts his chin, angling to look up at Destro with agonized, searching eyes, seeing how much damage he did - and asking what he can do.)
Destro: puppy, i'm here. beside you.
Enrion: (And shakes his head. It's not the place.)
Enrion: (It's not the history, the place, the secrets.)
Enrion: (He eases back so he can look up earnestly, without clinging, his hands resting on the other man's sides.) No matter what. --
Enrion: No matter how far I go, or how long I live.
Enrion: I will never stop being yours.
Destro: (difficult to stay standing. difficult to keep his thoughts in focus, or he has no need for thoughts, need only focus on enrion's face, those eyes, the depths rung through his voice.)
Destro: (and he feels enrion's hair beneath one hand, enrion's cheek (when did he find the boy's cheek?) (he'd touch that cheek always, if he could) (always, no matter how far, no matter how long))
Enrion: (He's certain of one thing more, as well; his jaw sets and he presses a hand before Destro can say anything.)
Enrion: I never /want/ to stop being yours.
Destro: (what the boy's saying should be... could be gratifying. a boost for his ego, a set of phrases to stake pride on. but what enrion says becomes none of these things. the boy's words sink deeper and, yes, catch deeper in, more inextricable from destro's lungs.)
Destro: (and he wouldn't want it to be otherwise. and it's all exquisite beyond language.)
Destro: (his pulse wild and his breath slow. enrion's words ringing through him, taking residence within him.)
Destro: oh, puppy.
Destro: (he drops to one knee beside the boy, the better to meet his eyes, the better to offer his caress)
Destro: you never will.
Destro: my enri. i couldn't draw you from me if i tried. ...nor would i. i don't...
Destro: there would be so little without you.
Destro: my fondness. my enri.
Destro: (100% watching him with wonder now. destro's sorrow not vanished, but largely overwhelmed by wonder.)
Destro (by - whether destro knows it or not - something very like (Something that is) adoration.)
Enrion: (Enrion responds to each caress as though they contain miracles, are in themselves miraculous. (Destro is down here on the ground, in the dirt, with him.) (Level with him.) (Equitable.))
Enrion: (He feels something building in his chest, that could be a howl or could be just greater-than-fondness that wants to sit inside him, and he'll let it. He'll carry it with him for all the many long years he lives. There's never going to be anyone like this man, or what this man is to him.)
Enrion: (And softly, assuring and certain, with his eyes on Destro's, his hand seeking Destro's cheek, he manages (around all that building) (surprising his voice is steady and not a cry, not a howl)-)
Enrion: You'll always be mine, too.
Enrion: (He must have learned it somewhere - to make a promise sound like a threat and a vow. Maybe from Destro.)
Destro: (his eyes won't leave enrion's, though he could sink into the comfort of those words, could wrap himself in every sound and steady toning of the boy's voice (pervasive voice, resonant voice that strikes destro resonate, nearly or could-be- radiant)--
Destro: --but the watching is dire, but he won't lose those eyes (won't lose this boy), and his lip flickers a sorrowed--
Destro: --smile turning warmer, turned pleased in the aftershock of that, oh, that steady could-be-growl, that promise-wound-imperative. (this beautiful boy. this --
Destro: --unmatched light who sees and knows him well, who holds him, who will always hold him.) (who he might always hold; will, oh will always hold)
Destro: yes, enri.
Destro: every day, every moment, and always.
Destro: my puppy. stay with me.
Destro: my own; you have me.
Destro: (his smile grows slightly, warms deeper, and his hand presses the boy's cheek, and he could...)
Destro: (and he does.)
Destro: (kiss enrion's forehead, sainted.)
Destro: (and kiss the boy's mouth, not lingering but absolutely adoring.)
Enrion: (A slow nod, and maybe behind his eyes, not so distant, there's a flicker of something woken and unconstrained, primal and vicious. An impulse toward devastation to keep and please what's his. (An impulse that invites Destro to test him, to try him. To watch what blood he'll run to keep his (love) (mate) Daddy.)) (His eyes slip shut over that violence, the remnants of his expression drifting towards rapture as first one kiss finds his forehead, then another graces his lips.)
Enrion: (He parts them with a moan, willing Destro back - how could he have forgotten this, in a moment of rage?)
Enrion: (How he feels electric and possessed, certain of everything in the world.)
Destro: puppy.
Destro: my enri.
Destro: (another kiss, a little more lingered, a way of assuring the boy that yes, his certainty can hold sealed: destro will never relinquish enrion, and destro will never be relinquished.)
Destro: let's go home, puppy.
Enrion: (A beat.)
Enrion: (Enrion watching him intently, serious - intent and intense, full of adoration and want.)
Enrion: (His fingertips trace a reverent path down Destro's cheek before he leans in and brushes his lips against the corner of the other man's mouth. )
Enrion: (His words are whispered, breath against skin, heated and loving.) I am home, Daddy.
Destro: (there, all of the (hope) (fondness) assurance he needs in the world. in that kiss, and...)
Destro: (he feels improbable, feels lightheaded and aflame and granted the boon of freshest, clearest air.)
Destro: (And he smiles. and he breathes the skin against his own, and he could stay here forever, here with his enri, his home, oh always his home.)
dungeon miscellany: 1
Destro: (gonna get that palm to your chest action puppy :3)
Enrion: (He grins. It's been a nice day, couple of days, who knows.)
Enrion: (And destro maybe you can feel his heart slamming under his armor.)
Destro: (destro is smiling. has been smiling an uncommon amount. and yes he feels that heart and yes that only stokes the smile further)
Destro: (And yes, enrion's getting a kiss on the jaw)
Destro: such a capable puppy. c:
Enrion: (Enrion's eyes grow heavy, and his smile softens rapturously.)
Destro: (just gonna caress that cheek)
Enrion: (He likes being here. He likes being with Destro, here, where he gave him that ring.)
Destro: (watch and feel gratified by that expression)
Enrion: (Maybe he doesn't say the words but when he refocuses, there's clear wonder in his gaze; he thinks over and over, /You're incredible./)
Destro: my beautiful enri.
Destro: (one more kiss to the jaw, and then, after letting himself watch the boy for a lingered moment--)
Enrion: (That ricochets through him, eliciting a little sound, barely a whimper.)
Destro: why don't you show daddy what you can do, hm?
Destro: and after.
Destro: ...mm.
Destro: (stepping back, head cocked)
Enrion: (He had started to look Destro over, give a playful twist to his mouth to say, /I'll show you what I can do./)
Destro: (thaT look gets a smirk)
Enrion: (But freezes, and raises his brows midway.)
Destro: (v pleased smirk c:)
Destro: we'll see about a cooldown for you, hm?
Enrion: (His eyes widen a little, eager, and Enrion grins. Bolts in for a kiss-)
Enrion: (and to murmur adoringly.) Yes, Daddy.
Enrion: (And.) My fondness.
Destro: (eyes half-shut, voice nearly a rough purr) my fondness.
Enrion: (Well that. Makes all his nerves spark and his chest glow, and his grin is set firm.)
-----
Enrion: (turned to see daddy looking in his backpack so he's just)
Enrion: (going to try something.)
Enrion: (Enrion carefully - always gentle, always delicate - comes up behind, and winds one arm around Destro's waist. The other hand drifts his hair aside, baring his neck to a kiss. )
Enrion: (He hesitates before the moment of connection, waiting to see if he'll be shaken off, of course.)
Destro: (he will absolutely not be shaken off. and though destro's pulse increases, though his breath catches (again and always again; the boy's a menace!), he doesn't stiffen. lets his pack lower, and arcs his neck minutely, inviting)
Enrion: (There's a whispered brush of lips against skin, an awed (imploring) ((loving)) exultation of the other man's name.)
Destro: (and responding, in a voice little more than a breath, as once hand reaches behind to find the boy's cheek-) enri.
Enrion: (He breathes out unsteadily, then leans his forehead against the back of Destro's, his eyes closed.)
Destro: (destro's just gonna linger in this shared suspension as long as he can. hand kept quiet against enrion, his eyes half-shut. senses tuned at the outskirts for signs of danger, but mostly, mostly, what he knows is enrion.)
Destro: (familiar and astonishing. how well he overwhelms the world)
Enrion: (Enrion feels himself breathing in time with Destro; what could have been (and were) excited near-pants steady, draw long and stable, and he feels.)
Enrion: (He feels like part of something.)
Enrion: (Inclining his head again to offer another kiss, he whispers:) You're special. You know that?
Enrion: (He wishes he had better words. Bigger, grander words. He'll learn them, maybe. Sometime, for Destro.)
Destro: (this place - deep and dire, smelling of earth and rust and scattered decay - is an enchantment. or it's simply where the boy found words, found action, brought something nigh-impossible to speech and into being.)
Destro: (regardless, it's beautiful.)
Destro: (he arches against that kiss, smirking with pleasure, and shifts to press his head against enrion's, brushes his fingers through the boy's (Well-brushed) (soft) hair.)
Destro: no more special than you, enri.
Destro: and i think i hardly need say--
Destro: you are unparalleled.
Destro: (just gonna nudge the boy with his head) you can rely on my judgment, puppy.
Destro: i've met more than my share of people.
Destro: none approached any fraction of what you are.
Destro: lovely boy.
Enrion: (He was trying to be romantic. Sweet. (Maybe something like seductive, if he thinks that far.) Instead, Destro's got hold of the conversation, has turned everything back around on him. He huffs a little, consternated, not-displeased laugh.)
Enrion: If you think it, then I'm lucky.
Enrion: (Very lucky. But also -)
Enrion: Flirt.
Destro: (wulp now U get a huffed laughed, enrion. destro rushing his fingers back and forth over the boy's head, a feigned admonition, a gesture of amusement.)
Destro: am i?
Destro: mm.
Destro: i know what i know, puppy.
Destro: and if i am a...
Destro: (Clearing his throat, just a lil theatrically) 'flirt.'
Enrion: (He likes that. He likes everything Destro graces him with. But this touch earns a little laughter, and a nuzzle.)
Destro: i think we know who's driven me to these ends, hm?
Enrion: Oh, yeah.
Destro: (gettin a nuzzle right back, puppy)
Enrion: Clementina's a bad influence.
Destro: (go enrion he did not expect that just gonna shake his head a little, smiling)
Destro: yes, you'll need to have a word with her about that.
Enrion: Hey. She's your turkey.
Enrion: (Is that an impish grin over Destro's shoulder?)
Destro: (Clearing his throat; 'excuse you, puppy?')
Destro: (oh he can HEAR that grin u little brat ;.;)
Enrion: (There's another deep-throated laugh, humming and warm against Destro's neck.)
Destro: she is my companion. but as i've fallen for her misguided guidance, i don't believe i'm fit to HAVE that conversation.
Enrion: Maybe I'm not fit for it, either.
Destro: oh no?
Destro: ...you have a point, enri.
Enrion: (He lets that settle, and - he's never. Really tried it before. But he's feeling a little bold.)
Enrion: (There's a light scrape of teeth where there had a heartbeat before been a press of lips.)
Destro: (get a lil growl-purr for that one, puppy c:)
Enrion: I like the flirting. [And.] Daddy.
Destro: mm. (the sound drawn out a little too long, a little too thrummed around the edges.
Destro: and, pressing a firm caress to the boy's head) in that case. i don't believe i'll make any endeavor to stop.
Enrion: (Well he's just. Going to try that again, with a little more intent, and a sound of pleasure underlying.)
Destro: (what he says, a soft sound, pleased and rough-edged-) yes.
Destro: (yes, puppy, you may.) (yes, puppy, that is... quite good. very good.)
Enrion: (Enrion's stomach twists with surprise, with pleasure, and for a moment, he hovers an inch or two from another kiss, or another graze of teeth.)
Enrion: (He wants to hear that tone again. He wants to cause it.)
Enrion: (But more than that, his skin feels too hot-burning, and there's a fever racing through him, leaving him unsteady and starting to tremble.) (He made Destro moan.) (He - ) (He swallows, his mouth dry and his heart thrumming.)
Enrion: (And he breaks.) Please, Daddy.
Destro: (a moment lacking breath. a pleased smile. and he turns in enrion's hold, shifting to face the boy, to caress his jaw again, more pressured. to smirk at him, smile at him, eyes focused on enrion and enrion alone.)
Destro: oh, puppy.
Destro: my poor puppy.
Destro: (there's a kiss for the boy, his own teeth grazing soft across the boy's lower lip.)
Destro: of course.
Destro: daddy will take care of you.
-----
Destro: (destro just gonna occasionally. cheek caress and smirk)
Destro: (and enjoy the hell out of watching puppy destroy!)
[ ... ]
Enrion: (big explosion!)
Destro: nicely done, puppy. c:
Destro: you're getting better and better.
Enrion: (He glows with the praise - from the only man he wants to impress.)
Enrion: (enrion is going to peek under the hood of Destro's skeletal mage btw)
Enrion: (curious! about which corpse it is!)
Enrion: Oh hey. It's the argonian.
Destro: so it is. (mild amusement)
Enrion: A lot quieter now.
Enrion: That's nice.
Destro: c:
Destro: (destro agrees v much c:)
betrayal ('daddy, stay')
Destro: (........)
Silvanus: Are you home?
Silvanus: Hello! (Yoohoo motherfucker.)
Destro: (...........)
Silvanus: Destro, I know you're here. Your horse is outside.
Destro: (destro is considering the merits of 1) not responding and waiting for the idiot to leave and 2) strangling his brother when--)
Destro: (...well fuck.)
Silvanus: Well, there you are. No worse for the wear. Lucky us.
Destro: silvanus.
Destro: (what his tone says: 'what the literal FUCK are you doing here.')
Silvanus: (Was he hoping Destro kicked it, left him whatever...ha. Fortune.)
Silvanus: (MAYBE.)
Destro: out of my office.
Silvanus: (He makes himself at home in the room, strolling through, touching. Things.)
Silvanus: (...Until that.)
Silvanus: That doesn't work on me.
Silvanus: :|
Silvanus: I remember you when you were knees and elbows. (A prod of his finger to Destro's chest. And a little push with that finger.)
Silvanus: Breathing space, Brother Dear.
Destro: (teeth gritting. this. this is why he doesn't permit visitors. this is why he's told his siblings not to FUCKING interfere.)
Destro: ...
Destro: (destro places a hand on that shoulder. would like to shake his idiot brother; settles for a sharp pressure.)
Destro: out.
Destro: go have a seat, silvanus.
Silvanus: (He tsks.) One would think you're not happy to see me.
Destro: 'one' would be perfectly correct.
Destro: have a seat. or would you rather i walk you over? >:C
Silvanus: Our mother would be horrified to hear you speak that way to your baby brother. You know that, right?
Silvanus: (Frankly, she probably wouldn't care.)
Destro: (it's not worth trying NOT to scowl. he feels wrong-footed. has approximately NO footing right now.)
Destro: our mother would be horrified by the wretch her precious child's become.
Silvanus: (But. He turns, throwing up a hand in dismissal.) Fine, fine. Out of the office I go, you moldering old wretch.
Destro: (fuck's name. that's one step, anyway.)
Silvanus: (He stops at the sofa and stares at it blandly.) Interesting choice in decor you've got here.
Silvanus: (He sprawls on it, of course, one arm slung over the back, one foot out, right at hOME.)
Destro: (a thought: it's lucky the boy is out. should be out for a while yet, and destro intends to have this squalling shit out within the quarter hour. >:C)
Destro: ....
Destro: (don't. touch. his stuff. silvanus >:C)
Destro: 'interesting.'
Destro: (he doesn't give a fuck.)
Silvanus: 'Interesting'. 'Tacky'.
Destro: i didn't ask you to be here.
Silvanus: Perhaps I wandered in, mistaking it for a brothel.
Silvanus: (He examines his nails, winding up for something.)
Silvanus: I heard an interesting rumor yesterday.
Destro: (he half-noticed that wind-up, senses something amiss, but he's still prickling at this unexpected arrival)
Silvanus: Where, here, 'interesting' does not mean 'tacky', so much as 'alarming'.
Destro: i expect it’s nothing at all.
Destro: and i suspect i don't have a fuck to offer, silvanus.
Destro: unless you've brought dire news, you've overstayed your welcome.
Destro: you know how to reach me.
Destro: (you absolute shit.)
Silvanus: ...Are you absolutely sure? (He's looking askance, a grin slicing across his mouth.)
Destro: (that grin means nothing good. that grin's nothing to poke at. (what for fuck's sake does silvanus know?))
Destro: have i ever been uncertain about anything?
Destro: you do me no good.
Destro: spare us both the time and waltz your powdered arse back through the door.
Silvanus: (Silvanus eyes his brother malevolently, a brow raised, and settles further into his seat.)
Silvanus: I think you'll want to listen. Why don't you give it a try.
Silvanus: You see, this rumor - this alarming, interesting rumor - bubbled up from a sordid little man who tends bar in a place you've been known to frequent.
Silvanus: Now, you mustn't blame him. I was searching for an acquaintance of mine - a Nord. He's up and vanished. Most peculiar thing.
Silvanus: (does he send people to spy on Destro mAYBE)
Destro: (he doesn't let on that the words stop him cold. (or. he thinks he doesn't let on. but there's a tensing in his shoulders, hard to hide when he's irritated, and when the only observer's known him all his life.) he breathes. cocks his head, expression unmoved. (he's going to need to kill that bartender. never mind the rules. never mind the loose-lipped barman's connections.))
Silvanus: (And Silvanus is watching Destro very, very closely just now, his teeth glinting from behind a curling, amused lip.)
Destro: insipid, both of you.
Destro: i'll have none of your idle gossip, silvanus.
Destro (to his credit, he DID make that sound approximately 10000% dismissive)
Silvanus: 'Insipid', he says. 'Idle gossip'. (He feigns an aghast tone.)
Destro: (blink blink motherfucker.)
Destro: quit wasting my time.
Silvanus: Ten witnesses to your carnage. Do you know how much I had to pay them to shut them up?
Silvanus: You should be thanking me.
Destro: (.........)
Silvanus: ...Or your Puppy should.
Destro: (that's a--)
Destro: (was a. cold shot down his spine.)
Silvanus: (Gotcha you old fuck. >:) )
Destro: (became a moment of blankness, his heart arrested in its beat)
Destro: shut your fUCking mouth.
Silvanus: ...So it's true, then.
Silvanus: (Hello Christmas.)
Silvanus: (You came so early this year.)
Destro: (did he itch to reach for his knife? yes.)
Silvanus: (Silvanus cocks his head, raising his brow at that knife, at the hand moving to the knife.)
Destro: ...
Silvanus: Really, Destro.
Destro: (fuck.)
Silvanus: Your own brother.
Silvanus: What would Delphinia say?
Destro: i expect she'd thank me.
Silvanus: Hm. And her wife?
Destro: it's a wonder we've let you live this long.
Destro: (...goddamnit silvanus)
Destro: (100% got destro gritting his teeth again)
Silvanus: (The peacekeeper. The one who keeps the even keel.)
Silvanus: (His personal aegis. )
Destro: ...
Silvanus: I'm really only curious, you know. About your new...friend.
Destro: ('of course you are. 'curious.' he thinks. doesn't say. he isn't going to encourage talk in that direction, and his confusion clears for a moment, long enough that he can favor silvanus with a withering glare before fading back into... what is he supposed to do, if he can't just kill the fucker.)
Silvanus: (Silvanus is back to inspecting his nails, thinking to himself that he'll really enjoy relating all of this to Madeleine - or Tirzah, or whatever she calls herself these days.)
Destro: (and he can't. or he won't. agreements have been made. and though most vows may be useless, he promised years ago to keep the family standing, if not precisely united.)
Destro: we both know i've the funds to pay off who i like.
Destro: throwing money after nothing is your choice.
Destro: wasteful, i'd say.
Silvanus: ...Nothing?
Silvanus: (He looks bemused - farcically so.)
Destro: nothing.
Destro: (CUTE, SILVANUS. he's not budging on this >:C)
Silvanus: Destro, the things those dreadful little brigands were saYING.
Silvanus: About my own dear brother.
Destro: strange that you should have been listening to any manner of 'brigand.'
Destro: upstanding as you are.
Destro: i'd warn you against sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. :|
Destro: (says the man who is up in everyone's business :|)
Silvanus: (He pauses, his brow arching again.)
Destro: and if you DO intend to interfere--
Silvanus: Tell me something.
Destro: don't expect commiseration for the coin you've wasted.
Destro: i ought to have it taken out of your inheritance. :/
Destro: (look if he keeps talking he doesn't have to tell u anything!)
Silvanus: (He twitches, and yes, that struck home. So he rebounds harder with -)
Silvanus: The absolute scandal of hearing that my brother - upstanding creature that you are - was having a go with an Altmer a third his age.
Silvanus: Loud enough to shudder the masonry.
Destro: (.....)
Destro: (oh, he doesn't care for that.)
Destro: (for silvanus daring to speak any proximity to enrion, to any knowledge of enrion.)
Destro: (but.)
Destro: (but.)
Silvanus: (Silvanus doesn't touch the fact that Destro has never seemed. Interested. In fucking.)
Silvanus: (Not. Directly.)
Silvanus: Is that what does it for you? Youthful exuberance?
Destro: (he offers a crooked smile.) i suppose i'm not surprised word made its way around.
Silvanus: (D a d d y)
Destro: (....fuck)
Destro: (.....)
Destro: (breathe. don't. let. the self-satisfied shit distract you.)
Silvanus: (Silvanus has, meanwhile, been casting a look around the room, taking in the telltale signs of Another Person Inhabiting This House.)
Destro: is this what passes for news these days?
Destro: (his voice sounds just a little strained at the edges. behind his back, his hand flexes.)
Silvanus: (A snort. It's true, then.)
Destro: look at me, silvanus.
Destro: (not. around. the house. >:C)
Silvanus: (Silvanus notes the mead set out, and the books that are clearly not to Destro's tastes. The Alinor furniture.)
Silvanus: (New additions.)
Silvanus: (That painting is new.)
Silvanus: (The pot, Elsweyr design and cheerfully blue.)
Silvanus: (He settles his attention on Destro.)
Destro: SILVANUS.
Destro: (maybe he didn't intend to. shout. almost shout. raise his voice.)
Silvanus: ...Goodness.
Silvanus: Temper.
Destro: (well. what's done is done. and his hand flexes.)
Destro: you wear at my patience.
Silvanus: ...He's not here, is he.
Silvanus: (He grins.)
Destro: some of us have work to see to--
Destro: (....wh a t.)
Destro: (SILVANUS U SHIT)
Silvanus: Your playmate.
Silvanus: That's what this is.
Silvanus: You're trying to hustle me out of here before I see him.
Destro: (his voice drops low, a growl, a compulsive threat-)
Destro: shut. your fucking. mouth.
Silvanus: Oh but I'd love to have a good look. I hear he's pretty.
Silvanus: (He can't. Shut his mouth.)
Silvanus: (This is too good.)
Destro: (and yes he's moved closer and yes his hand's turned to a fist behind his back, he's thinking of that knife again, he's thinking how easy it'd be to grab the idiot by the collar escort him off the FUCKING property.)
Destro: i've never wanted you here.
Destro: you've never been wanted here.
Destro: and you've brought me nothing but dross.
Silvanus: (Silvanus doesn't tense, exactly. But he knows that look. He knows a blow might come. And one might be given in turn.)
Destro: i suggest you leave, silvanus.
Destro: and don'T return.
no subject
Silvanus: (He watches steadily, his fingers drumming on the back of the seat.)
Destro: (he's going to rip your fingers off, silvanus)
Destro: (he might be considering that now)
Silvanus: I've never seen you so wound up about any of your.
Destro: (Watching those fuCking fingers tapping against his fuCking couch)
Silvanus: (Hm.)
Silvanus: Acquaintances.
Silvanus: (People used and tossed aside, or killed, or paid to go.)
Destro: (silvanus is getting an open-palm swat, heavy-hitting swat, against the side of the head, swift and sudden.)
Destro: (well yes that is all true BUT BESIDE THE POINT U SHIT >:C)
Silvanus: Hey! (He swats back, but from an awkward fallen over position on the sofa, it doesn't land well.)
Silvanus: You miserable old *fuck*.
Silvanus: Calm down!
Destro: (yeah he's gonna. dodge that. and grab that loose-swatting hand, yank it upward)
Destro: do you want that, silvanus?
Silvanus: My hand, or for you to get a hold of yourself?
Silvanus: (His voice is raised, and unfortunately-)
Silvanus: (Unfortunately, being grabbed brings him into better proximity to suckerpunch his brother in the side.)
Destro: (sharp smile, of, that's not the worst idea, taking the idiot's hand; he's done his best with his fuck of a brother and--)
Destro: (RUDE)
Silvanus: Now, STOp. I have a right to know!
Destro: (a curse barked as he sidesteps, grip on silvanus's wrist loosened.)
Silvanus: (He yanks away, rising to put some distance between them.)
Silvanus: (...And the sofa.)
Silvanus: (Distance AND the sofa.)
Destro: 'i have a RIGHT to know.'
Destro: you scarcely have a right to exist, brother.
Silvanus: He hasn't done much for your disposition at all, has he?
Destro: (100% taking a quick step closer, teeth bared)
Silvanus: (He's not teasing anymore. His mouth is set in a frown, and he draws a hand up in a loose fist - )
Silvanus: (WILL FITE U back off )
Destro: (super. super. scared. :|)
Destro: (GO AHEAD FOREST BOY PUNCH HIM LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS >:C)
Destro: (BRING THE FIGHT >:O)
Silvanus: (Something. Catches his attention. A movement in the corner of his eye. He doesn't look over to see, but he thinks in the ruckus, in the shouting -)
Silvanus: (The door must have opened.)
Silvanus: (He spreads his hands, surrendering.)
Destro: ...
Silvanus: Okay. All right.
Destro: (wise choice, destro thinks. not entirely convinced his brother's run through with his antics, but knowing silvanus is usually - usually - smart enough to keep from pushing over the edge.)
Silvanus Destro, really. I'm only curious. I certainly have no intention of upsetting your routine.
Destro: (fuck, but he came close.)
Destro: don't fuck with me.
Silvanus: (Earnestly - apparently:)
Silvanus: I'm not. Not in the least.
Silvanus: I didn't come for money; I don't mind doing a good turn for you now and then.
Silvanus: I wanted to know if it was true. About a young man you favor.
Silvanus: (He shrugs, looking utterly. Mostly. Sincere. And not looking at the door.)
Destro: (it almost throws him. the show of sincerity (how silvanus manages to present himself as earnest, to be disarming even in the midst of asininity). it's a ploy; it always is. but it might be a sign that the idiot's at the edge of backing off.)
Destro: looking for gossip, silvanus.
Silvanus: Of course.
Destro: say it as it iS.
Silvanus: But!
Destro: :|
Silvanus: *But*. That isn't mutually exclusive with my desire to see you settled.
Silvanus: And to know what sort of companion you've found
Destro: (that. doesn't. make a goddamn piece of sense.)
Destro: what in fuck's name is in your head.
Silvanus: (He looks off, ostensibly at the ceiling, contemplating this question.)
Destro: altruistic's a bad ploy from you.
Silvanus: (Gets a good look at the altmer, who has taken up a loitering sort of stance in the entranceway. Eavesdropping.)
Silvanus: Well. They did rather make it sound like you're enamored of the boy.
Destro: (he's still annoyed, still bristling, but this is a little easier to manage. this idle toying, he can bat away. (and maybe he's relaxed his guard jsut a little. and maybe the combination of still-bristling irritation and a shaken defense isn't the best situation, and--))
Destro: (……………………………………….)
Destro: ...i beg your pardon.
Destro: (it does and doesn't sound like his voice.)
Silvanus: (Oh, rich. Rich, to see - Enron? Enrion? The Altmer's face light up with warmth, with a smile.)
Silvanus: (Silvanus nods, to Destro's question and to the boy, his smile for them both. And Enrion smiles back. Trusting little pup.)
Silvanus: You know. Smitten.
Silvanus: I've never seen you in love before -
Destro: (this shouldn't be a... topic of conversation. he can feel himself numbing, can feel the scene growing distant, and this. isn't. territory open for discussion. (this is nothing he would ever permit.) (this is nothing that can be known. could be known, were it ever a thing.))
Silvanus: I wouldn't really know the look of it.
Destro: SILVANUS.
Destro: (not loud, but harsh, forceful)
Destro: (he. needs to. dial back. he's giving too much away, he--)
Silvanus: (Enrion starts, but Silvanus holds steady, his eyes seeking Destro's, wide and aghast again.)
Destro: you give too much heed to idle chatter.
Destro: (and.)
Silvanus: (Silvanus's head cocks questioningly.)
Destro: you and i both know i've not heart for... (teeth gritting as he looks for a thought, or feigns to look for a thought)
Destro: ('no')
Destro: being' smitten’. as you've pointed out many - MANY - times before, i'm too far gone for that.
Destro: listen to yourself, brother.
Destro: 'love.'
Destro: you know what i am.
Destro: your gossips have gotten to your head.
Silvanus: (Silvanus doesn't see Enrion's hopeful pleasure leech away, but he can imagine it. And he'd like to. Drive that final stake home.)
Silvanus: Oh. Hm.
Destro: ...
Silvanus: (He frowns.) I. Really had thought -
Destro: ....
Silvanus: Not in love at all, then?
Silvanus: Pity.
Silvanus: (He does look terribly disappointed.)
Silvanus: It would have done you a world of good. Are you quite sure?
Destro: (destro doesn't trust that look at all. IF silvanus is disappointed, it's at not having word direct from the horse's mouth. and if destro can divert his brother from this (dire) (not anyone's business) (difficult to approach, let alone fucking speaK) subject, he'll be in the clear, and silvanus might scuttle off for another six or seven months.)
Destro: (so, rolling on with the almost-ease and cool seeming-certainty he's manufactured through speaking-)
Destro: you'll be disappointed to know i am indeed QUITE sure.
Destro: and you sound like a complete fool, speaking of love at all.
Destro: what use, silvanus?
Destro: it's nothing for me.
Destro: (he feels very certain he is going to be rid of this pest thank fuck. (feels a little... guilty, maybe? about what he's said, but. what's said to silvanus doesn't matter. and he'll. he'll give the boy extra care tonight. to make up for it.))
Silvanus: (Silvanus hums, nodding rather mournfully. His attention drifts sideways - oh, poor puppy, slumped back against the wall, his eyes unfixed and his brow furrowed.)
Silvanus: I see. I see. (And now Silvanus nods more pointedly, and then gestures a vague index finger in the same direction.)
Silvanus: Does he know that?
Destro: (which is when time turns still.)
Destro: (which is when the ground falls away - precarious ground he'd built through lies that shouldn't matter (lies that might matter) (lies running his spine frozen))
Silvanus: (Lies that didn't fool Silvanus even a little. :|)
Destro: - and the air turns stifling turns noxious turns thick, too thick to breathe.)
Destro: (shitshitshit)
Destro: (Destro's current response is absolutely not unconfirming anything silvanus has seen. 100% that's horror written clear in his expression - wide eyes gone blank, lip wrenched mortified, hands falling to his side)
Silvanus: (Well, that's a look.)
Destro: (it's a wonder he's still standing. and he knows he should turn. he should confirm... what he suspects. (What he knows. what silvanusw as playing to for... how much of this? how long has... has...)
Destro: (there's terror in anticipation. there will be loss in looking. and still, he can't leave the question unseen. can't not confirm the worst of it, and for the first time since his brother entered, destro tears his focus away, glancing over and sideways, looking for-)
Silvanus: (He really doesn't look like he knew, Silvanus thinks of saying. But maybe the better part of valor just now is to leave before Destro recovers himself.)
Destro: (oh, puppy.)
Destro: (and, softly, unaware of his own speaking or voice-) enri.
Silvanus: (Silvanus slips out the back door, offering a sympathetic look over his shoulder at, ha, Enri, as he goes.)
Destro: (this is loss. he doesn't know how he's so certain, he doesn't know why the world is falling into tatters, its every motion every could-be-motion ceasing. but. but.)
no subject
Destro: (destro spent a good couple of minutes just watching enrion, not really hearing anything, did not fully register silvanus's exit, recognizes vaguely that he's gone and mostly it's just. just and only.)
Enrion: (Oh, Destro said.)
Destro: (...enrion was there. and enrion heard.)
Destro: (anything that mattered.)
Enrion: (The thing is. He wants to look away. The thing is, he wants to put his head on his arms and close his eyes and not...be here right now. Because his chest feels hollow, and he feels - like an idiot. The biggest sucker. But he can't. Stop looking at Destro.)
Destro: (it'd been so easy to say. all of it, skating on top of feeling as he'd been, constructing a bridge to carry him above silvanus's asinine attempts at drawing truth. because it isn't silvanus's business. because it isn't ANYONE'S business. (because destro doesn't. feel for people. like that.) (because no one needs to know. or ought to know.) (but.))
Destro: ((but this is different.) (enrion is different.) ((and deserves. better than to hear himself dismissed. better than to hear lies regarding destro's... feelings. (they are. feelings. for. well.) deserves better than to be woven into such lies, within hearing or without.))
Destro: (he can't feel much of anything. or it's all gone cold, which amounts to the same. and he hasn't stopped watching the boy, looking back and sideways, unable to registers the details of... the form crumpled in the corner (that's no good, fuck, fuck it's no good). (of whether the boy is watching or curled in on himself or ireful, but, no. destro knows the feeling of the boy's anger, and this is other. this is far, far more worrisome. (echoing emptied.) (something hollow growing through the room.))
Destro: (he doesn't know how much time passes before he manages to move. is surprised he can move at all, stuck and rusted as he feels (he said he feels nothing at all; he damned well deserves to feel nothing, know nothing, but the boy hasn't merited this hollowness).)
Destro: (when he moves, it's a slow walk, careful, as if making a sound might shatter things worse. (As if, perhaps, afraid of being seen, or found. afraid of what he's done.) he tries to gather confidence. to act with seeming certainty, because someone ought to keep this together, and really, there's nothing (there's everything) to be upset about.)
Destro: (he halts abruptly, finds he can move no further. finds he's watching the boy's posture now, finds he can, thinks he can register the minutiae of his presence.)
Destro: (this isn't.) (this isn't.) (this isn’t right, at all.)
Destro: ...puppy?
Destro: (he should say more. something. but for the moment, it’s all he can manage.)
Enrion: (Enrion has been watching Destro, and the room around Destro, with single-minded focus. (If he looks away. If he looks away, what happens?) And he's thinking of. A ring. And of a bed. And of an indrik. He's thinking of blood spilling down the front of a Nord, and of an underground lake, and a blue-glowing shoreline. Of a strange, grey, cold sky, and Destro kneeling (equitable) on the ground before him, and kisses, and a vow of fondness. He can remember all of this vividly. Those things - happened. (Destro.) Those things happened to him, and he constructed a belief upon them. (Destro lies.) He knelt in front of this man and told him, 'I believe in gods.' (Destro disappeared his wife and lied about her.) Enrion feels just now the hollowness of his chest, something cracked open and removed in one rusted, unkind scrape. (Destro is a good liar.) He knows this hollowness, the comforting familiarity of it right before the pain rushes in. (Eras.) (He felt this) (Loss.) (Lost.) It's going to hurt in a moment. It's going to rush back in like air into a void, and it's going to hurt more than he can bear. But maybe blessedly, maybe unkindly, the only thing settling on him is the thought that he's more of an idiot than he ever really thought.)
Enrion: (Destro says something, and Destro's coming near, and Enrion's hand shifts to the back of his neck. To rub the hair there, up the base of his skull. (It needs to be brushed, Destro likes when it's brushed.))
Enrion: (Destro said. 'My fondness'. And 'forever'. And then he said something else, something not that, to that man just now, and who even was that, and does it matter, because Destro said. --)
Enrion: (Enrion looks as though he's been slapped, startled and hurt by the memory of (what Destro said) what he heard. And the pain rushes in, forcing a little noise from the depths of his throat.)
Destro: (he nearly sinks to his knees.)
Destro: (that sound. (that loss.) (despair.) (oh, puppy, his puppy.) (his own doing.) (he doesn't sink to his knees. (he doesn't deserve that mercy or that show of sorrow. doesn't deserve the relief of falling, or to be any closer to... to enrion. (his. (or did his speaking breed a forfeiture? he can't and his heart can't stand the thought.) to the boy, the man he's wounded. (daggered. he'd just as good as plunged a knife deep through the boy knows this with shuddered certainty. and there's no blood to be seen. and the wound runs frigid silence, runs unmeasured absence.))
Destro: ...
Destro: (he can't watch the boy any longer.) (can't look away.) (remember this, he'll remember this. the worst he's wrought.) he. should mend this. (there's no mending it. a laceration gaped too wide for stitching.))
Destro: (he tries to step forward. can't. can't manage much of anything until he shouts himself down internal, grits his teeth and at last speaks again, voice still holding tenuous, cautious, as it prowling against glass.)
Destro: puppy, you know that wasn't...
Destro: what you heard. wasn't.
Destro: (it should be simple to finish that sentence. one fucking word. but he speaks, and the words lose their focus. but he speaks, and each sentence dissipates.)
Destro: you know that.
Destro: (and he thinks, 'don't you?' and even that, he can't put into speaking.)
Enrion: (Enrion can feel another pain, a burning against his eyes. But he doesn't cry. He hasn't cried in, since - oh, since. (Eras.) (A long, raw wail, an unendurable absence, how could he - how. How could he exist without that other existence, without his twin, it didn't feel possible or natural, and yet his heart kept mercilessly beating like it's beating now.) He doesn't cry. But his eyes burn and his nose stings and his mouth fights a rictus grimace because he's not. Going. To cry.)
Enrion: (He hears a word (puppy) (he wants it badly, he still wants it) (it's all Destro wanted from him) (is that true?) and there's another noise, a shuddering breath that has nothing to do with pleasure or fear or excitement or longing.) Enrion: (His hand falls from his neck to his knee, dangling from the wrist limply, and his eyes drift from Destro because his vision has blurred, anyway. They settle on Clementina, and the painting behind her, and he thinks of when he found that big fucking thing, and of all the other presents he dragged home for (daddy) Destro's pleasure. Approval. Praise. Love. He - does love Destro. Of course he does. Of course he fucking does, he thought they settled that, he thought he knew that was understood and Destro felt the same. But he. Doesn't love anyone. He said - He said. "You sound like a complete fool, speaking of love at all." Like Enrion. A fool. Yeah. His eyes shift back, settle on the vague outline that is...oh, all he wanted. His whole everything. He blinks to clear his vision and a few stray tears slip free.)
Enrion: I don't know. I'm really not as smart as you.
Enrion: (His voice holds no emotion. Little of anything except the breath he needs to be heard.)
Destro: (it's wrong. everything wrenched out of place. (he wrenched it out of place. wrapped his hands around a gentle heart and tore. birds' bones broken. everything worth keeping broke away.))
Destro: (and his own voice, again hushed, wavered, though he tries to keep it even (a losing battle, that's going to be a losing battle.)
Destro: that isn't true.
Destro: (and he should say something more.)
Destro: (he should (Assure the boy) (what good could an assurance do) (what right does he have to endeavor an assurance). -(he manages a few steps more. he manages to... kneel. not falling, not easing himself, only. seeking the boy's eyes. showing enrion that he is... listening. here? (destro knows he has no right to be here.))
Destro: what i said, puppy. i... you know what i-
Destro: (the echo of his own words catches him. collision of this intended truth with a lie just told, the lie that burns against him now, ringing through his memory full-force.)
Destro: (a phrase contorted by. by. his own words. (it shouldn't happen this way. it shouldn't matter. he should use words as he PLEASES, only. the speaking felt soiled, and he feels... wrong. mired, and squallid himself.)
Destro: i'm.
Destro: ('sorrry,' he intends to say. the word doesn't arrive. his breath for speaking falls away. what in fuck's name is he going to do.)
Enrion: (Enrion feels the wet on his cheeks and thinks. He shouldn't cry. (He shouldn't let Destro see him cry.) (He doesn't know what's really in that man's mind.) He draws the palm of his hand across each cheek (funny how that makes him want to cry more) and then stares at the stone floor, at the rugs, at the crevices between each stone where the mortar is greyer and unimportant, or unimportant compared to the way his chest hurts, the way his lungs don't move right anymore --)
Enrion: (He thinks about how this place was just starting to feel like home (Destro is his home) (was) (everything is turned to 'was' in his head and he feels a flicker of panic, and then deep sorrow.)
Enrion: (And he thinks, sadly, /Oh. It's going to be over./ All of this. Everything after this moment is going to be part of his life before Destro said those things to -)
Enrion: (To.)
Enrion: (He breathes slowly, ignoring Destro's staggered efforts to (lie) (?) convince him of something besides what he heard, the things Destro said unstaggered and haughty (and he said them so easily, so...readily.) Enrion stares at the back door now and then ventures, tiredly, monotone -)
Enrion: Who was that man?
Destro: (enrion isn't looking. he isn't watching. (he isn't listening!, but, ah, he'd heard enough. another clenching in destro's chest, and he wishes, badly wishes he'd hurled silvanus out the front door. (or that he HAD stabbed the rotten shit-stirrer, but neither of those options would have... what? changed the tendency in destro to speak as he'd done.)
Destro: (and, disconcerted by the way the boy's ignoring his words, destro blinks, then responds without further pause-) my brother.
Destro: he shouldn't have--
Destro: (been here, but that isn't the point. that. doesn't matter. and again he trails off, watching enrion and willing the boy to... look at him, see him. (to. smile?))
Destro: ((he doesn't deserve that, at all.))
no subject
Enrion: (but he doesn't let the words rise past his tongue. (Destro doesn't. Shouldn't. Get to know about Eras.) (Destro is wearing Eras's ring.) (Enrion thinks, deep and sudden and painfully --))
Enrion: ((He gave Eras's ring to Destro.) (How's he going to get it back.)
Enrion: ((He doesn't want it back.) (He wants -) (Oh, he wants.) (Why the fuck did he come home.) (Why did he have to hear that. He could have pretended, his whole life. He's so good at pretending.))
Enrion: (He lowers his head to his arms and stares at the stones through the gap between his legs until they blur, and the howl building in him (a different howl, not the settling of love but the unsettling of it) claws into his throat. --)
Enrion: (He thinks he's going to scream, or wail, the older remnant of the sound he made that echoed through an Alinor townhome years ago. But the only sound is a hitched breath, like a sob.)
Destro: (it could have taken on so many registers. that... upheaval. that breath turned unsteady, brush of a sound, of lungs wrung hopeless. destro comprehends the meaning of that sound, or. some meaning in it. saw in the boy a coiling of could-be-reactions, all of them turmoiled, some of them raging, could-be-wild, and--)
Destro: (and what came of them was this choked sound, only. a strangled sound that strikes destro as ageless, as inextricable from this moment - from what, from what, from what destro said (did) (lied about) ((what does the boy believe to be lies, and what true?)) and informed by histories destro can't begin to guess at. (because the boy never told.) (because destro never had a chance to hear.) (and now.) ((and now. he never will.)))
Destro: (the boy said. he would follow destro to the end. and the boy had flourished when destro said the same. spoke and MEANT the same. now, though. the sense of that's gone severed. (by his own hand.) (as easy as slicing a tendon, only. he hadn't intended this.) (as devastating as slicing a tendon.) ((the boy's hands capable in their work; the muscle cut and presented. the boy smiling, bounding off into the fray.)) ((that was the last of it. there's nothing more to follow. destro doesn't care to dwell on endings, but can't he hear the ringing of the end? the boy won't look at him right. the boy isn't here with him right, and he knows well enough why.))
Destro: (he doesn't know why he's speaking. hears the words and thinks, oh, no, that... isn't right. an error, again. -)
Destro: he doesn't know anything.
Destro: (what he means is. is. that silvanus is a fool, a gossip, a liar in his own right.)
Destro: (that silvanus doesn't DESERVE to know anything, that information in his hands becomes a tool for meddling, for flaunting, for prying in places he doesn't belong.)
Destro: (now, in the aftermath of his speaking, destro realizes his meaning maybe didn't channel through. that maybe, maybe, he said precisely the wrong thing. again.)
Destro: (and he doesn't know what to do with that. and he hopes against hope the boy won't take the words awry, that he'll hear destro's meaning (but it was so damnably unclear) (but the boy needs and deserves clarity) (But everything destro says and does only muddies the entire situation.))
Destro: i didn't--
Destro: ('mean that.')
Destro: (more words lost to falling silence.)
Enrion: (There's something as bad here as Destro's words to his brother. (Lies to someone, his brother or his puppy, both unconscionable). Destro says his brother doesn't know anything, and Enrion feels a twinge of something shameful that shudders his frame, shakes his shoulders. Drives another soft, pained sound from him.)
Enrion: (Destro's ashamed.)
Enrion: (He doesn't want his family to know. He doesn't want anyone to know. About.)
Enrion: (Him.)
Enrion: (He turns his head in his arms, and thinks, I need to get my frog.)
Enrion: (It's not the most important thing. It's not the only thing. It's not the problem, or the thing driving lightning-sharp pain through his heart.)
Enrion: ((But he can't leave his frog.))
Enrion: (It's the only thought he can hold on to right now. Everything else feels too big, too burdensome, too. Decimated.)
Enrion: (Too lost.)
Enrion: (He raises his head and wipes his face with his hands, then stares blankly ahead for a moment. (And Destro is right there (on his knees) (equitable) (it was never equitable, because Enrion is an idiot, a gullible child))
Enrion: ((But he's so near. He so near, and Enrion could stretch out a hand and Destro could reach back and their fingertips would brush.) (His heart clamps painfully and his face contorts in a flash of pain.) (He closes his eyes and leans back, and lets his head fall back against the wall, a solid presence (he could just stop here and everything would maybe work out, or he'd stop breathing and that would work out, too.) Swallows. And then exhales. And gets up off the floor.)
Enrion: (He pauses beside Destro, and waits, looking at the other man out of the corner of his eye.)
Destro: (that flaring pain. (how it shoots through him when it crosses enrion's face. how it settles itself into destro, muffled by practiced not-quite-calm, by necessity that learned to muffle everything when everything becomes too much to manage. when he needs to push through, and can't risk a total drowning.)
Destro: ((he IS drowning, anyway. feels his lungs choked with something not-quite-air. feels his head swimming, vision dazed with colorless blotches. (he should have. died years ago. never let himself enter that hideaway. should never have... so many things.) ((and above all else. he should never have said. ...he. can't. think about that now. lest the drowning wholly take him.)))
Destro: (so he scarcely thinks. feels shattered through again, again, but keeps the world in relative focus, and. when the boy stands (a brief leap of could-be-joy; is enrion coming to him?) (a wilder, louder quiet-shrieking fear: the boy is leaving) (a hopefulness, almost: the boy is going to have it out with him, TELL him he's wronged enrion - which is true - tell destro he deserves better, which is also true, enrion deserves better thana to witnessa self-serving set of lies (necessary (NOT. necessary) set of lies). the boy could do it; he's claimed his place before. (but before, the atmosphere never sparked hollow like this. vaster than coldharbour's sky, and infinitely more hollow.))
Destro: (enrion stands, and even before he pauses, destro's moving his hand, a rusted-feeling motion, his muscles not in his control. and as the boy pauses, destro sets a hand against his hip, unable to look up (Afraid, perhaps, of what he'd see) (unwilling, perhaps, to see the damage he's wrought) (knowing, as well, he has no right to look.) and he'll keep his hand lingered there for a moment, a lasting length of moments, if he can. looking ahead without seeing anything, now that enrion's moved from his vision. and trying to speak. swallowing. trying to shift his fingers enough to caress the boy even once, but that much is beyond him; he can only, barely linger.)
Destro: enri.
Destro: ('please,' he thinks, but again his voice, his lack of speech betrays him.)
Destro: (or. more to the point. he fails to speak in full, and so betrays his puppy.)
Enrion: (He doesn't shake off the hand at his hip. This strange, unnatural way of being, of- Destro, at his feet. (As though he's pleading. Or. Apologizing.) (But not.) (He hasn't said those words at all.))
Enrion: (Enrion swallows again and thinks, Better say everything now. And he takes a sharp breath (oh, no one's going to call him Enri anymore) (he won't let anyone else ever again). His hand is shaking, but he does manage to shift it, to draw the backs of his fingers along Destro's cheek. A trace of them through his hair, drawing it aside from his face tenderly. Tenderly. And he turns his palm up, his fingertips under Destro's chin, coaxing his face up (hey, look at me, he said once) (this is the third time he's touched this man this way, turning his focus) (he deserves his focus, in this confusion, this ruin.)
Enrion: (Doesn't think of what he'll say. Only looks down and meets Destro's eyes, holds them if he can. Thinks, no matter how far he goes or how long he lives, he'll always, always belong to this man. (This liar.) (Broken. Terribly broken.) (God.))
Enrion: (His words are preceded by a sharp intake of breath, and the fallen streaks of tears.)
Enrion I love you.
Enrion: (Under those words, /Even if you don't love me./ His expression contorts again, and he can't wrest it under control, can't hide the agony --)
Enrion: (His next words come shattered, weak, words on the bitter edge of lost composure.)
Enrion: Don't follow me.
Enrion: (And, helplessly, unhappily:) Stay.
Enrion: (And.)
Enrion: Daddy - stay.
Destro: (for a moment he thought, 'mercy,' and the room turned brushed with breeze, a clarion fresh freeing. enrion's hand found him, and he thought maybe, maybe, all will be well, and the boy is wounded but the boy is offering a chance, and destro will take it, will... find the work, work his way to cohesion and to proving how much, just how much the boy
Destro: means. to him; as a vital piece of the world. central to destro's world. (has he been forgiven? the fingers at his cheek say maybe. and for a moment, he begins to shift his head into that touch, allows himself the beginning of unthawing.)
Destro: (only.)
Destro: (...only.)
Destro: (it's worse, after. like burning anew, like plummeting through the earth itself. the adoration in those eyes and the knowingness of ruin. the presence of (Reverence) (love) (oh, the boy said, the boy sayS love, and at once the boy's expression, eyes, his presence all speak--
Destro: loss. unshakable, speechless loss.)
Destro: (which is only the beginning of the blow.)
Destro: (which is only the first drop, and the next strikes harder, could burn the world to ash, does, maybe, singe the center of destro's mind. sets his heart to combustion, to flaming, to nothing. (he wasn't so far off, perhaps, telling silvanus he has not heart to speak of. what he said was prophetic.) (don't be. fucking ridiculous. what he said was the cause of this ruin.))
Destro: (those words don't give grounds for compromise. for argument.)
Destro: (orders given. orders familiar, reflected resonant of his own, he... understands. that this is no game, no space for negotiation. i'd follow you, he'd said. i'd pursue you, watching, unable to keep from following you. he'd said.)
Destro: (but this. this isn't his decision now. enrion... says. orders in their... ... it doesn't. matter. why he knows the meaning. how earnest the boy is in speaking, and he'd said...)
Destro: (that last word. (that last time, that last calling.) he'll never hear that word again. from enrion. (From anyone.) how could he tolerate it, after this? its resonance becoming loss. its speaking disappointment (that betrayal, again), farewell. commanding absence.)
Destro: (stay away.)
Destro: (enrion says. (his puppy.) (his enri.) (says.) stay. (a farewell to destro.) (an end to daddy.) (an end to all of this.))
Destro: (he doesn't speak. he can't speak; can't tell now if enrion is here or elsewhere. if everything's already gone. he doesn't comprehend the way he's sunk a little further, elbow on his knee. doesn't know the way he'll draw his hand against his chest when enrion does move, or the way he'll stare unseeing a the floor as minutes, hours shift by. doesn't know how he'll watch over nothing until night wears into morning.)
Destro: (what he does know is that after - after staring, after night's end, after everything - there will be no enrion.)
Destro: (not here or elsewhere. and never, not ever again.)
Destro: (he doesn't say goodbye. he can't say goodbye, or make a sound. and the night. and the night will wear on.)
Enrion: (One last drift of fingers, loving, faint - and then gone.)
stay with me, for always
Enrion Varanil: (He finds the note on the post outside and reads it again, again, hungrily scanning the handwriting, that familiar handwriting, all for him. And he decides to...wait.)
Enrion Varanil: (Not because Destro asked, but because he wants his ring.)
Destro Rubeno: (aside from silvanus's word two - two and a half? - days ago, destro's heard nothing of his... of the boy's whereabouts. (has and hasn't been looking. has been prodding carefully at could-be-sources. could-be-leads. never enough to yield much. never enough to risk altering the boy or... or.)
Destro Rubeno: (or breaking some agreement, though it's true that no matter what he does, or how he acts, he's breaking some promise to the boy. (which scarcely matters, when enrion is no longer his.) (will no longer be seen.) ((apologize, silvanus said, but how to manage an apology when the boy's gone missing. when the boy said 'stay'.))
Destro Rubeno: ((which scarcely matters, when destro has already leveled the deepest wound.) (betrayal, he thinks.) (betrayal, he knows. another of the echoes in his chest.))
Destro Rubeno: (he returns to the house holding nothing, knowing nothing. no wanting to be here or anywhere, but unable to leave the place for long. (he'd like to abandon it. half-thought to burn it, but couldn't complete the idea, even. the house was also enrion's. the house will remain.))
Destro Rubeno: (because what if. because there's a chance. because enrion could return.)
Destro Rubeno: (he doesn't hope for it, precisely. but he can't defy the thought. and so he's returned, and so he'll enter the house again, push through those empty doors into an empty (And not-empty) (and memory-laden) room. where the paintings the boy brought have been taken down, and lean against the walls, awaiting removal from the house, or. waiting for
Destro Rubeno: storage elsewhere in the house, out of sight, but never gone.)
Destro Rubeno: (he doesn't want to enter, but then, he doesn't want to do much of anything.)
Destro Rubeno: (so. he shifts the knob.)
Enrion Varanil: (Enrion roams the grounds, looking over the waterfall, and the rock that he had "dibs" on, and the fox that inhabits the little brushes to the right of the house itself.)
Enrion Varanil: (And inside, he roams the rooms, looking, noting what's changed. Noting that things /have/ changed. The paintings he brought have been removed, and seeing them carelessly leaning up against the wall feels like a cold hand wrapping his heart.)
Enrion Varanil: (His own room is untouched, for some reason. All these - boxes, these toys. Puzzles he no longer wants to look at or think about. )
Enrion Varanil: (The whole place is familiar, but cold. Familiar, but not home: a house readying itself for him to be gone and done. (Maybe Destro is readying it for some other idiot. Some other puppy to look up at him like he's. Oh, everything.))
Enrion Varanil: (He puts out still-burning lamps with a shaking head, wondering how long Destro's been gone and why he never remembers to put out the lights.)
Enrion Varanil: (There are two he can't. Bring himself to put out. He can't go in the room, can hardly look at the doorway. (Who's going to sleep there now?) (Who's going to take his place?) (It's none of his business.))
Enrion Varanil: (It won't be his business anymore, after today. And this place won't be home ever again.)
Enrion Varanil: (He hears the door open and close and has to force himself to breathe, because Destro is down there. He's closer than he's been in weeks, and if Enrion listens, he thinks he might hear the other man's breathing, his footsteps.)
Enrion Varanil: (He could sneak out a window. Destro would never know he was here. Or maybe he'd suspect, maybe he'd think he was being haunted, and that is how Enrion feels: like a ghost, haunting this house.)
Enrion Varanil: (...But he wants. (To see.) (To see him.) (Make sure he's okay.) (Even if he's not okay. Just see him.) Get his ring back, he wants to get his ring back. )
Enrion Varanil: (So he breathes again and heads downstairs, hand trailing the wall until he reaches the corner, where his eyes settle first on the stone floor, and then raise, seeking (Daddy) (oh) (not anymore) (or ever again) Destro.)
Destro Rubeno: (he knows who it is. (of course he does. no change of clothes tone of voice posture could hide the boy from him.))
Destro Rubeno: (and also. this isn't right.)
Destro Rubeno: (the sight strikes a manifold shock: enrion HERE. (
Destro Rubeno: he wants to focus on that. wants to graps hold of the short-lived fluttering the gasp of hope quickly exstinguished by the dimmed lights. (thinking it's possible. the boy came here to kill him. thinking he wouldn't blame enrion in the least. why else this mask, this mein? why else the room gone dim, and the boy waiting?))
Destro Rubeno: (destro had asked him to wait, in the note.) (destro will take whatever the boy delivers.)
Destro Rubeno: (and why. why is enrion (why else would enrion be) dressed in such drab colors, hiding his face here, of all places. as ifdestro wouldn't know him. as if anyone else would (...well, ha; silvanus) see him here.)
Destro Rubeno: (what is it the boy's hiding himself from.)
Destro Rubeno: (protecting himself from.)
Destro Rubeno: (which sparks an urge to look away; give the boy his space if he wishes it so badly. which isn't an impulse destro can follow; he can't, he won't, it'd be impossible to look away from the boy.)
Destro Rubeno: (at his side, his hand clenches, unclenches.)
Destro Rubeno: (and it occurs to him the boy is armed (not with his axe) (of course not with his axe). that destro has his knives, and no intention of using them. that he might offer the boy those knives, see what he might enact with them.)
Destro Rubeno: (he knows he's breathing, barely.)
Destro Rubeno: (he knows he wants to speak.)
Destro Rubeno: (but everything's gone dry, gone wound into contortions, and all he can manage is one, then two careful steps forward.)
Destro Rubeno: (he doesn't know what this is. but. enrion is here.)
Enrion Varanil: (He doesn't know how long he's been staring. This is what it is to reunite, even if the reunion is sad, even if the person you love is the last person you want to see - because being away from Destro has been like starving, like dying of thirst. It's been like slowly suffocating, and now they share this room and this air, and Enrion is able to fill his lungs again. He doesn't want to look away. He wants to remember more than the small store of months he had. He wants to find the things he found absent in his memory and overwrite them: the exact way the red marks on Destro's skin curve. Which way his hair parts, and the exact shade of black it is. The angle of his nose and the wiry strength despite his size, despite how thin (and is he thinner, or is that Enrion's imagination?))
Enrion Varanil: (He doesn't want to forget. Anything.)
Enrion Varanil: (He should forget. He has a right to forget. (But the hook in his heart tugs him, almost betrays him.) He nearly takes a step forward, but Destro moves first, and it stills him tense.)
Enrion Varanil: (He looks away. Around the room, his expression hidden by cloth and shadow.)
Enrion Varanil: You shouldn't leave all those candles burning when you go.
Enrion Varanil: (He's said this before. It's melancholy, empty, full of depthless longing, to say those words again. His voice only registers softness. Lack of malice. Lack of anything. A recitation.)
Destro Rubeno: (the way the boy surveys the room. inscrutable in shadow, in that mask. his posture telling little; the boy is. remarkably unreadable just now. (has been remarkably unreachable since leaving. has been hidden, hiding himself and covering his tracks. enrion knows how to make himself absent. enrion has proven again, again to be more capable than he shows. meaning, partly, that this might be precisely what it looks like: the boy having gathered himself for retlation. the boy waiting, not precisely because destro requested it, but because enrion arrived with a purpose.)
Destro Rubeno: (dressed to escape, in case anyone might be watching. (does he know that though destro hasn't been watching closely, silvanus has - apparently - been monitoring the boy to some extent? is that the reason for this... wholly un-enrion appearance.)
Destro Rubeno: (and the way he spoke.)
Destro Rubeno: (no malice, no ire doesn't mean no intention. though destro would like to believe otherwise. though destro would like to think that what he heard in those words was... oh, that word again. 'mercy.' kindness. an opening for speech.)
Destro Rubeno: (he feels drained through his marrow. he feels... very little that he can name.)
Destro Rubeno: (and this time he does reach for a knife, the knife, the knife he's kept against himself for years, the knife most reliable, never parted with.)
Destro Rubeno: (and he takes one step forward, tosses the knife toward the boy's feet. tries not to feel the press of wordless rots in his chest, crawling through his throat.)
Destro Rubeno: does it matter.
Destro Rubeno: (and-)
Destro Rubeno: perhaps i was trying to call you back.
no subject
Enrion Varanil: ("Oh, he's going to kill me now." And following that thought, he wonders if it would matter. If maybe he should let Destro approach and maybe it would be better if he did slip that knife between Enrion's ribs. (Destro would be deft, and maybe not merciless, but it would be magnificent.) (He'd be with Eras.) (Which is better than alone.))
Enrion Varanil: (So he uncrosses his arms, awaiting the sudden burst of speed he knows Destro can effect, the sudden infliction of steel through his leather armor. And the knife does flash across the room - Enrion watches it catch the light from the window, follows its skittering progress once it hits the stones, neatly coming to rest at his feet.)
Enrion Varanil: (And stares at it, and wonders what that means. (He knows what that means.) (Destro shared his thought, maybe.) (That it would be better than-) (Or maybe it's a challenge. But Destro sounds only resigned.))
Enrion Varanil: (He stoops and collects the knife (this is Destro's favorite, his best-kept, and his just tossed it down to scrape on the floor. Then carefully examines it, and wipes the dirt from it with the soft cloth of his gloves. Shakes his head reproachfully.)
Enrion Varanil: (And, not yet ready to think about the last thing Destro said, he holds the knife by the blade and offers its hilt to the other man.)
Enrion Varanil: You're being dramatic.
Enrion Varanil: (He can't suppress the hint of. Amusement. (Fondness, hidden, mostly hidden, barely hidden.) Even if he feels terribly sad.)
Enrion Varanil: And that’s not why I came.
Destro Rubeno: (he glances briefly at the knife. (noted the care with which enrion retrieved the knife, brushed off the knife.) shifts his focus back to enrion's eyes. (at least there's that; at least he can see those eyes, even if he doesn't trust himself to read them now, or believe what he might see.) he doesn't move to take the knife. he doesn't. need it.
Destro Rubeno: and doesn't dare approach. (wants to. approach.) (the more the boy speaks, the harder it is to remain in place. the more his chest wells, heart begins to beat a pulsing surge.)
Destro Rubeno: (and oh, if that was amusement. if that was... any manner of. not-regret, not-sorrow. (if he can believe in that almost-could-be-fondness and hold onto it. carry that away when... the boy ends him, or leaves with finality.)
Destro Rubeno: (difficult not to feel another staggered trace-edge of (hope) (elation) could-be-relief. to hear the boy had reason in coming here. that it wasn't, maybe, to put a knife through destro's heart or draw a blade along his neck.)
Destro Rubeno: (to think, dimly, wretchedly, that what the boy says next might not be damning.)
Destro Rubeno: (and destro's hand settles against the side of his thigh, fingers loosly, scarcely tapping)
Destro Rubeno: isn't it?
Destro Rubeno: ...i'm 'being dramatic.' (he starts, voice staggered for a moment. then breathes, and--)
Destro Rubeno: says the mer in the mask and the darkened room.
Enrion Varanil: (Enrion frowns, feeling the mask tug at his face, and looks down at the still-outstretched hand, the knife still in that hand. He lowers it, then looks around aimlessly for somewhere to set it. The sofa that's too close to Destro, or the table that's too far from Destro. He decides to simply put it back down - gently - on the floor.)
Enrion Varanil: (He thinks about saying the room's only dark because the windows don't let in much light, and he's masked because. Well, because... Of that man right there.)
Enrion Varanil: (He straightens and rubs his hands on his thighs, deciding to focus on the salient (sally ent) (salient) point.)
Enrion Varanil: (Maybe it would be better if he had come to kill Destro. It might have been kinder. He hadn't thought that what he's about to ask would be an unkindness. He hadn't thought Destro would care at all.)
Enrion Varanil: The ring I gave you.
Enrion Varanil: (It's a question, gentle - almost a plea.)
Enrion Varanil: It - um
Enrion Varanil: It was my brother's.
Enrion Varanil: (Was. His breath staggers, because oh, was. And he gave it to this man, who lied. He'd been so willing to trade Eras's memory for. Nothing, maybe. A trick of fate.)
Enrion Varanil: I need it.
Enrion Varanil: (In his life. In his sight. Day by day, existing as part of his own existence. It was all right when it was on Destro's hand and Destro was there every moment.)
Enrion Varanil: (Softly (brokenly) (helplessly), with a little lift of his shoulders, he repeats himself.)
Enrion Varanil: He's gone, too. So - I need it.
Destro Rubeno: (how many times can the world fall away.)
Destro Rubeno: (how many times can his knowing turn to blankness, his chest turn numb and dizzied, his hold on presence slip staggered?)
Destro Rubeno: ((the last time this happened. he watched the stone floor the space between the stones the stones untrod and always to ring cold. sign nothing. sing reminders of what was.))
Destro Rubeno: ((the last time this happened, he came to himself only barely, with the morning's light weakly entering. he on his knees, one had clutched at his chest, the other flat against stone.))
Destro Rubeno: (he can't let himself spiral off again, not now. with enrion here (he can't, he CAN'T miss the boy, what might be his last chance of seeing... the boy) (his ring) (the boy's ring) (...the boy's... brother's... ring)
Destro Rubeno: (at his side, his fingers draw together. he feels the ring without running a finger across it. has felt the ring at every waking moment, as if a natural part of himself, as if a part of himself he knows he shouldn't keep, has no right to keep, but never for a moment thought to relinquish.)
Destro Rubeno: (he can't-- enrion can't--)
Destro Rubeno: (his brother's ring, he said. he needs it, he said. why he came back here. (a retrieval mission. hoping perhaps to find the ring waiting in a corner, discarded on a shelf.))
Destro Rubeno: ((had the boy intended to slip in and slip away, without a sign. (another choked sensation at that.) (another act for which he couldn't blame the boy.))
Destro Rubeno: (it's the boy's right, if he wants it. having given the ring, having been failed. been. betrayed by destro. the ring is his right, of course.)
Destro Rubeno: (and destro doesn't precisely hear himself when he speaks, doesn't recognize that thought's slipped into speech--) you can't...
Destro Rubeno: (his fingers folding tighter, not a fist but a shield, as if it could help a thing.)
Destro Rubeno: ...enrion.
Destro Rubeno: (that word.)
Destro Rubeno: (it's that word, the sound and sensation of the boy's name in his voice in his throat, that shakes him enough to blink, to glance siddeways, then back to enrion.)
Destro Rubeno: (to feel, for a moment, as if he can breathe, must breathe.)
Destro Rubeno: (to feel the urgency in this situation. the moment slipping past.)
Destro Rubeno: (to think, clearly: i have this one chance, maybe.)
Destro Rubeno: (and the maybe is enough.)
Destro Rubeno: (he doesn't make it to enrion. the room is too long, the boy's presence too staggering. but he moves without staggering, moves quietly and with purpose (Feels almost, almost a little less ulike himself, or the self he's known himself to be.))
Destro Rubeno: (easier to see the boy's eyes from here. (harder to see the mask and feel the soul-deep wish to see it cast aside. just once. just this once. one more time, if destro can't... mend this.)
Destro Rubeno: (and though his voice still feels hollow when he speaks, it's less hushed, bolstered by edges of what could be confidence, for all he can't quite feel.)
Destro Rubeno: enrion, please.
Destro Rubeno: can we... talk.
Destro Rubeno: there are things i...
Destro Rubeno: if you would. first. please.
Enrion Varanil: (He doesn't know what he's going to do if Destro refuses to give the ring back. He hadn't. Thought. Destro would refuse. (Just as he hadn't thought that Destro had taken it off.) Now, confronted with the likelihood of being told 'no', Enrion realizes with a sinking, leaden feeling that -)
Enrion Varanil: (There's nothing he can do. Destro, perhaps spitefully (perhaps something else), could refuse, and he wouldn't. He would never. Hurt Destro over a ring, no matter whose ring it had been.)
Enrion Varanil: (It's another betrayal, that 'you can't', and Enrion's glad for the mask. He's glad Destro can't see the hurt he's causing. (He has over the past weeks determined that it's possible, very possible, that Destro likes inflicting misery on Enrion. That his crying received no comfort because Destro enjoyed the sight of it.))
Enrion Varanil: ((He's not sure he believes this to be true.))
Enrion Varanil: ((He still doesn't want Destro reading his expression.))
Enrion Varanil: (He tenses a little, his head raising, eyes going with it to focus on (Daddy) Destro's at the sound of his name. (It sounds.) (So good.) (Oh, it sounds so good.) (He missed his own name so much.) (He missed his own name on Destro's tongue.) (And other names.)
Enrion Varanil: (His lungs don't quite work, and he's gone dizzy, he always goes dizzy for this man, because Destro might not love him, but oh, Enrion's got it bad. It's this momentary slip that allows Destro to near without Enrion backing away; he only crosses his arms to hide his own unsteadiness.)
Enrion Varanil: (He wants to talk. His letter said the same thing. Enrion thinks of the paper, carefully (lovingly) folded and stowed in his pocket, and wonders what there is that could possibly be said.)
Enrion Varanil: (His silence permeates the room for a moment too long while he thinks this over, and then -)
Enrion Varanil: We can talk. But after - please. It means a lot to me. That's why I gave it to you.
Enrion Varanil: (His voice breaks, and it doesn't matter if he's wearing a mask or not; Destro's sure to know now.)
Enrion Varanil: Because you're the. You were. The first one since him to mean anything. So you have to give it back.
Destro Rubeno: (fuck. fuck, he--)
Destro Rubeno: (the words themselves and that tell-tale vocal shuddering. the silence before speech and the way it's shattered, it's--)
Destro Rubeno: (he.)
Destro Rubeno: (if he thinks about any of this.)
Destro Rubeno: (if he lets himself fall into the feeling.)
Destro Rubeno: (he'll lose certainty. lose that knotting in his chest that urges him toward... speaking, if not acting.)
Destro Rubeno: (toward reaching through this mess.)
Destro Rubeno: (what destro knows: it's a mercy that the boy is will to... listen. talk. endure this space that's so clearly levelling discomfort.)
Destro Rubeno: ((he didn't. he doesn't. he still doesn't want to be gone. and again destro feels a deep-striking knife, awareness of how badly he'd wounded this boy who cared. who. cares. for him.)
Destro Rubeno: (so don't dwell on the pain on it. don't consider what he might or ought to say. only... feel his way through this, aware of the boy's shaken voice aware of the ring aware of his own insubstantial self.)
Destro Rubeno: (he nods, once, evenly.)
Destro Rubeno: (...not quite evenly, perhaps. blinks, and blinks. and)
Destro Rubeno: yes.
Destro Rubeno: i-- if that's. how you feel. what you wish, what you need, after.
Destro Rubeno: i won't stand in your way.
Destro Rubeno: i've erred too much already. 'transgression' is scarcely a word for what i've--
Destro Rubeno: (unknowingly, he moves his right hand to cover his left, to press carefully)
Destro Rubeno: enrion. you are the only person who's meant a thing to me. (glancing sideways, blinking, because the force of what he's saying is... oh, not insubstantial. because the pit below his opens wider, deeper, cut with glass and his own venom)
Destro Rubeno: little right as i have to say it.
Destro Rubeno: badly as i've--
Destro Rubeno: (again, blinking, again, glancing aside, hand clamping quiet over his own hand)
Enrion Varanil: Destro.
Enrion Varanil: (The word shocks him to immediate silence, because it's so ill-used, so far from him, but it's a language he remembers with nostalgia, with aching homesickness. (And Destro's hand over his other hand, hiding the ring or protecting it, that means something. It means something very important.))
Enrion Varanil: (His voice has no accusation or reproach, but there's a hardening edge - like hurt. Because it shouldn't have taken all this:)
Enrion Varanil: You don't have a right not to say it.
Enrion Varanil: You didn't have a right not to say it that night, either. You should have started with that to me, and to your brother.
Enrion Varanil: If it's the truth.
Destro Rubeno: (his name.)
Destro Rubeno: (that sound alone could knock him loose from this resolve; letting it wrap around him, holding desperately to it, to the exclusion of all else. (he's missed that voice.) (he's missed his name.) (of course he has; he knows this.) (and it isn't the fucking point.))
Destro Rubeno: ...
Destro Rubeno: that's true, enrion.
Destro Rubeno: (true and thoring. true and choking blood from his heart.)
Destro Rubeno: i have... i offer no excuse for himself.
Destro Rubeno: (again looking to the side, again clutching his fist, and against, looking back, finding the boy once more.)
Destro Rubeno: of course i care for you.
Destro Rubeno: ...but you know that, don't you?
Destro Rubeno: (just gonna. unwrap his hands. find himself looking down at his left.)
Destro Rubeno: (fingers flexing in and out, head cocked, half as if musing, mostly trying, trying to capture words that might serve.)
Destro Rubeno: it was a betrayal. you'll believe me, perhaps, when i tell you i felt it... and you'll know that for all of that feeling, i didn't alter my course.
Destro Rubeno: it was cowardly. i was cowardly. you are...
Destro Rubeno: i've spoken with silvanus since.
Destro Rubeno: (only that isn't the point. only that begins to feel like evasion, and he shakes his head once, finds enrion's eyes again)
Destro Rubeno: i am unaccustomed to sharing my... vulnerabilities. or my self. to the interfering world.
Destro Rubeno: but.
Destro Rubeno: you are nothing to be hidden. to be stashed away.
Destro Rubeno: i regret what i said. and i... could stand to alter some measure of my ways.
Destro Rubeno: i would. like to.
Destro Rubeno: i'm sorry, enrion.
Destro Rubeno: i am not---
Destro Rubeno: it is not well, without you.
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Enrion Varanil: (Instead, it all feels...lukewarm. Oh, not the apology. Not Destro's distress. But 'I care for you' and. "It is not well". He could mark it up to the thought that Destro isn't demonstrative, except he responded to Enrion's presence by slinging a knife across the room.)
Enrion Varanil: (He responded to another man advancing on Enrion by slitting his throat.)
Enrion Varanil: (...He could say so earnestly and simply that he didn't love Enrion.)
Enrion Varanil: (He knows Destro is capable of shattering everything he knows and understands. And in the face of 'I care for you', he feels...(hopeless) (disappointed) as though maybe. Maybe there's something he let slip away. Maybe if he'd seen it sooner, encouraged it, or.)
Enrion Varanil: (Maybe something. Maybe anything.)
Enrion Varanil: (He considers prodding that comment about vulnerability - asking him if he thinks. If he really thinks that anything Enrion could do with 'vulnerabilities' would be worse than what's happened. If it could be worse than living without Enrion, the way Enrion is living without Destro.)
Enrion Varanil: ((What does any of this matter, though.) (He's not staying.) (Except Destro said he spoke to his brother.) (There are things he saying, amends he tried to make.) )
Enrion Varanil: (He lets the silence stretch out and out, then reaches up and hesitates, then removes first the mask, then the hood he wears.)
Enrion Varanil: (And cautiously - perhaps toeing the knife a little farther away from them both as he goes - he approaches the other man. (It takes too much to think about why. It takes too much when Destro is everything he wanted to know.))
Enrion Varanil: (Everything he wants to know, still.)
Enrion Varanil: (He doesn't reach out. He could. He could touch his fingertips to Destro's chin and force his eyes to hold, and overcome him (because he can, and he has before))
Enrion Varanil: (Instead. Instead he kneels down at Destro's feet, and turns his face up, supplicating. (Adoring. He was only ever adoring. And he wants -) (Love. He wants to be loved back.))
Enrion Varanil: (Softly, and steadily, and unfrightened:)
Enrion Varanil: This is vulnerability. You could cut my throat and I would bleed happily for you. You praise me and my world glows. You show disappointment and I want to die. That's what vulnerability is. I gave it to you /because/ I love you.
Enrion Varanil: (He breathes in, then sighs, his eyes drifting for a beat. And he refocuses, letting Destro see his hope, and his misery, and his longing.) You know better words than 'I care for you'. Make me stay with you.
Enrion Varanil: (And.)
Enrion Varanil: Make me want to stay with you, Destro.
Enrion Varanil: Or give me my ring back.
Destro Rubeno: (his first thought, when the room is still and the boy holds silent, distant: it isn't enough, what he's said. (and how could he ever say enough. he'd tried. he's... reaching. for something. and it isn't enough.) which reeks of loss and wraps nausea through his veins. which grips his head in roiling pain.)
Destro Rubeno: (but the boy.)
Destro Rubeno: (oh, the boy. removes his mask. (that soft strength of his jaw, the lips he's seen lit by brilliant smiles, uncomplicated pleasure. (the hair, clean. combed. the boy looks... oh, collected, even in unheaval.)
Destro Rubeno: (and destro thinks, if nothing else, it's one more clear-struck sight to hold.)
Destro Rubeno: (and destro looks... stricken by the image. help rapt and breathless, eyes unguarded, unsure of what to know in this moment uncertain of himself, but grateful, but wanting, but thinking, if he can only find a way to stop the loss.)
Destro Rubeno: (he's wrought such damage.) (he's always been so capable of damage.) (ridding himself of what he doesn't want, and how, now, does he learn to keep hold?)
Destro Rubeno: (enrion is telling him. in those unveiled flickers of expression (the boy is deeply, intensely expressive; clear in his meaning, his smiles his frowns his well-placed words.)
Destro Rubeno: (enrion is before him, near and unreachable, or--)
Destro Rubeno: (not, unreachable.)
Destro Rubeno: (this, an offering of nearness. this, a sign of... of.)
Destro Rubeno: (it hasn't, maybe, been lost yet. the boy is here, and waiting. (the boy combed out his hair and came here.) (the boy approached, and knelt, is kneeling, is near.))
Destro Rubeno: (destro's head aches and his chest hums agony. destro's pulse races irreconcible, and yet. the boy has spoken. and yet. there are words yet to say, and--)
Destro Rubeno: enrion.
Destro Rubeno: (his voice soft now, steadier than anticipated.)
Destro Rubeno: (and his hand drifts to the boy's hair, unplanned. (and he thinks. he should flinch. he should cut off his offending hand before he dares to touch the boy.) and he settles in that soft, the gold, unflinching. shifts his thumb, careful, light, along the boy's skull.)
Destro Rubeno: (it helps. it anchors him, somewhat. tells his being the boy is here, truly. this. this is irrefutable proof, and his chest loosens with each near-caress (is-caress), and it's easier, a little, to look at the boy, and feel the world around him (the world defined by and centered in this boy's presence; the world turned hushed because the boy's returned... if only for a moment.) (or.) (no.) (not. only for a moment.)
Destro Rubeno: (that sound; the boy responsive to his touch. and destro's lip flickers, sign of sorrow and of wanting, sign of... it's too much to hope. but. perhaps.)
Destro Rubeno: (that minute and that momentous nearing. the boy's head tilted slightly toward his hand, and destro's hand shifts in kind to pressure a little closer. to press, and allow his fingers to caress. careful, catching at his lungs.)
Destro Rubeno: puppy. my puppy. (a near-hesitation, near silence because he doesn't know if he can say or ought to say these words, but before thought before worry can settle in, he's speaking, drawing the boy's head perhaps a little nearer to him, curling his wrist, his arm, to wrap closer around the boy's head.)
Destro Rubeno: do you think you haven't had my vulnerability? imperfect, perhaps incomplete, but you must know... i've bared my throat before you. stretched my wrists before your knife, knowing or not.
Destro Rubeno: i don't say i haven't erred.
Destro Rubeno: or that i've been... the lover you deserve.
Destro Rubeno: puppy.
Destro Rubeno: my enri.
Destro Rubeno: (his free hand has found enrion's jaw, enrion's cheek. has brushed back a few strands of carefully-kept hair.)
Destro Rubeno: ((he missed, oh he missed, this touch.))
Destro Rubeno: ((his hand at the boy's cheek, and enrion welcoming.))
Enrion Varanil: (At that word. Not 'puppy', not 'Enrion', but at 'Enri', his breath shudders out of him in a rush, in a silent cry, and he winds his arms around Destro's waist. It's not over - he'll keep listening. But he missed it. He missed this so much, it felt like dying.)
Destro Rubeno: (he sinks into that hold. sinks to his own knees, drawing enrion further with him, if he can. wanting, needing to wrap his own arms around the boy. needing to feel him closer, all space between them vanquished.)
Destro Rubeno: (it's instinctive; he can't keep away from that hold. can't help but fall and fold into it, try to keep the boy to himself. (if he holds close enough, maybe enrion won't vanish.) (or. if he holds close enough, he may find the way to speak, to say and show his meaning.))
Destro Rubeno: (and he whispers, soft, his head pressed against enrion's, 'enri' and 'my enri' and 'i'm sorry, i've missed you, my enri.')
Destro Rubeno: (until he can speak again, more clearly. head too warm skull pressed with burning. until he speaks, hand running through the boy's hair--)
Destro Rubeno: my enri. you are all the adoration i have known. all of the fondness i possess, the voice to every longing and the seat of all my love.
Destro Rubeno: puppy. my enri. (one hand shifts again to enrion's cheek, thumb brushing careful, eyes searching the boy's. eyes worried and hopeful and trying, trying not to hide in shades evasive.)
Destro Rubeno: i do... i might wish i were more familiar with words. with the language i'd like to use in speaking to you, and speaking of you.
Destro Rubeno: i should never have taken this long.
Destro Rubeno: and. at the same time. it is... not without significance that i've learned, that i am learning this speaking from you. through you. for you.
Destro Rubeno: puppy.
Destro Rubeno: (hand holding the boy's jaw, thumb tracing gentle along its course)
Destro Rubeno: my enri, i do love you.
Destro Rubeno: beyond any depths i suspected in myself. beyond capacities i knew myself to hold, or understand in the least...
Destro Rubeno: i adore you, puppy.
Destro Rubeno: my darling boy.
Destro Rubeno: (and, if he can, he's going to kiss that enri on the goddamn lips, lingering for a moment, and another)
Destro Rubeno: my enri.
Enrion Varanil: (He missed this. His missed Destro, so much that being here in his arms, both of them driven to their knees (equitable) is like the first breath of air, the first taste of food. Not after anything at all. The very first there ever was. He's too stunned, too overcome to do more than stare, wide-eyed, letting each word sink into him one by one -
Enrion Varanil: his expression a complex shift of emotion: agony and desperate yearning, rapture and the faint promises of a smile. (It's been so long.) (It's been a few weeks, and a few weeks is forever without this man.) (Lonely and directionless and colorless.))
Enrion Varanil: (And he's speaking, as if all he needed was to be reminded what he was trying to save. (Or maybe. Maybe he was scared.) (Maybe he was lost, and Enrion helped him find his way back.) The thumb along his jaw leaves tingling warmth in its wake, a blush burning up through his cheeks and down his throat. His lips part, and then tug to a lopsided helpless almost-smile, a huffed laugh that has nothing to do with humor (a laugh he's given before, late at night when they lay in one another's arms, or when he kneels at Destro's feet; evidence of thrill, evidence that Destro has touched him deeply and intimately.))
Enrion Varanil: (And the words come. He knew they would come, and he knows he never really doubted Destro loves him. The satisfaction of a missing puzzle piece found and placedshows how well Enrion guessed.
Enrion Varanil: (He could cry, could bury his head against Destro's neck and sob his heart out, grateful to be (home) here, grateful to have heard - grateful that it was Destro who said those words first to him, of all the people in the world.)
Enrion Varanil: (Instead, Destro kisses him, and Enrion goes still, one shattered breath barely passing his lips, his eyes closed with - euphoria. Ecstasy. This is home, this is what it is to come home and be loved and be /certain/ of both home and love.)
Enrion Varanil: (And to be kissed sweetly by the one who is, provides, embodies home and love. His hand covers Destro's, a plea for him to stay while words fail Enrion, to kiss him again--
Enrion Varanil: Enrion's heart is a rush in his ears, his pulse a tremor through his fingertips and every unmoving part of his body. And words come against Destro's lips, sighed and prayerful.)
Enrion Varanil: I missed you so much. I missed you every minute, even in my sleep. I'll stay. I can't stay away from you.
Enrion Varanil: (And.)
Enrion Varanil: I love you, Destro. My Destro. Let me stay. Keep me.
Destro Rubeno: (he couldn't have dreamt this. he couldn't have conjured this moment in wishing, and he finds himself undone again, again, again, pressing into that kiss and wrapping closer around enrion, his enri, his enri again.)
Destro Rubeno: (and he doesn't doubt a word. knows better than to doubt a thing this boy says or does; there is no one and nothing truer than enrion. there is nothing and no one destro would trust better, or anything like. (and what hasn't this boy done to win that trust a thousand times over? enrion is worth everything.)
Destro Rubeno: you'll stay.
Destro Rubeno: enrion. my enri. my love. (another kiss, this to the forehead, and after, destro leans his head against enrion's humming a sound of relief and weeks-long-strangled grieving, of adoration, or a world brought back to place.))
Destro Rubeno: stay with me.
Destro Rubeno: for always.
Destro Rubeno: freely. openly.
Destro Rubeno: stay with me, my home.
Enrion Varanil: (He knew how much he missed Destro. All the longing, the restless and unending days turning into restless and unending nights. He loathed his own homesickness, and hated Destro for his lie (whatever it might have been), but he never denied how much he missed it. He knew he would always belong to Destro. What he hadn't considered was how much (or even IF) Destro missed him in return. He didn't think of the impact of his absence, knowing only that he needed to be gone.)
Enrion Varanil: (He knows now. He hears the aching sound that matches almost exactly the noise he made when Destro's hand met his head, the first touch after separation. He knows that sound for what it is, and doesn't doubt anything Destro says now. Here.)
Enrion Varanil: (But. (Hard to shake off the haze, hard to swim to the surface from this sudden tide of pleasure, to stop his hands from caressing and keep himself from lunging forward to kiss again, and again.) But it's not done, the talking isn't. Over. Because if Destro loves him, then there's another truth about the words that parted them.)
Enrion Varanil: (Before he'll say 'yes'.)
Enrion Varanil: (He reaches up to caress Destro's cheek, his forehead nudging the other man's. Still here. Still here.)
Enrion Varanil: I'm not a secret.
Enrion Varanil: Not from anyone, ever. I'm not something you hide. You don't have to be proud of me, but you can't be ashamed, either. Promise me.
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Destro Rubeno: puppy. (again, brushing that cheek, brushing at that hair) i've only ever been proud of you.
Destro Rubeno: my shame was only ever in myself, but. in entertaining that shame, i did you wrong. i... did wrong by my enri. and there's no altering that fact.
Destro Rubeno: it won't happen again, enrion.
Destro Rubeno: you are... a beautiful adoration. my beautiful fondness.
Destro Rubeno: and i'll see that everybody knows.
Destro Rubeno: my brother does know. now. or he knew, and no i've told him.
Destro Rubeno: if you'll accompany me to my sister's... i would like very much to introduce you.
Enrion Varanil: (Enrion surges through with hope and warm, honeyed pleasure. His eyes fix adoring on Destro's, and really, if he doesn't hang the moon, then who needs the moon. Enrion is smiling, had started smiling without realizing it, maybe from the first vow - uncomplicated, unthreatening. Maybe at the assertion of pride, because it's something to know he's been cause for pride for this man. Whatever the case, he shines radiant with it, feels the whole world gone golden and soft the way it would when he lounged beside Destro at any hour, both of them at peace.)
Enrion Varanil: (The first word he manages to slip is a whispered, reverent 'Daddy', coupled with another nudge of his head - almost playful, certainly inviting.)
Enrion Varanil: (When he recovers a little from this bloom of (bliss) pleasure, he catches his lower lip between his teeth and cocks his head a little, the better to see Destro's mouth. Then returns his attention to those eyes, and he could stay like this forever, couldn't he? (Won't he?)) I'll go where you go. Anywhere. I'll never - never - leave you again.
Enrion Varanil: I promise.
Enrion Varanil: (Oh. Oh, and.)
Enrion Varanil: (With a look of elation:)
Enrion Varanil: My love.
Destro Rubeno: (twice again, he's struck through, shot and shattered through by words and all their ardency. by the word, the appelation he believed he'd never hear again. (and so readily offered, so full of fondness and more beyond, and when enrion nudges destro's head, of course he nuzzles back, a lingering brushing of forehead against temple.)
Destro Rubeno: (and the other.)
Destro Rubeno: (and the other, given as if the words and the boy had only been waiting. given in joy, in exuberance.)
Destro Rubeno: ('my love,' enrion says. ('my love,' destro said.) these words breaking beyond bare language, speaking past the bounds of bare syllables. this, oh this, is what he should have said all along. what he won't leave off saying again.)
Destro Rubeno: my own.
Destro Rubeno: my love; i won't let you leave. and i'll never give you cause. puppy, i'll learn... everything, every language, every strength for you.
Destro Rubeno: my enri.
Destro Rubeno: i am yours, entirely.
Destro Rubeno: (and enrion is 10000% getting another kiss rt)
Enrion Varanil: (He could stay here forever, but. But he'd like - One thought strikes, and then another follows. A different option, something he missed terribly and could get nowhere else. Wouldn't have tried, no matter how desperate the need. He draws back just a little, his eyes fond and searching, his expression without edge.)
Enrion Varanil: Can we - (A cant of his head towards the stairs. A familiar way of requesting, though without the usual sharp, hungry desire.)
Enrion Varanil: (Instead, he adds quietly:)
Enrion Varanil: Just to hold.
Enrion Varanil: Please, Daddy.
Destro Rubeno: (as if he could or would deny a thing the boy requested. as if he could think for a moment to withhold anything the boy might ask. and--)
Destro Rubeno: (he. swallows. roughly, because.)
Destro Rubeno: (that request. oh he.)
Destro Rubeno: (he would...)
Destro Rubeno: anything, puppy.
Destro Rubeno: anything you wish.
Destro Rubeno: and i--
Destro Rubeno: oh, enri. i'll hold you through the night.
Destro Rubeno: we'll hold each other, my fondness. my puppy.
Destro Rubeno: (smiling now, shaken and shattered a thousand ways and warm, oh warmed through and through, he presses his hand against enrion's cheek, loving, utterly loving.)
Destro Rubeno: to bed, puppy.