destro & enrion

[onefellswoop]

-you're my home, too: introduction to coldharbour. (rook needs to edit and repost this holy shit)
-betrayal: silvanus imposes a visit. destro fucks up real fucking bad. enrion tells daddy to stay.

-dungeon doings.

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[onefellswoop]

Destro: (he's noted a slight shift in the boy's presence, but he’s also focused on--)
Destro: (...well.)
Destro: (he finds himself starting at enrion (that look, what is that look?) ((this has gone wretchedly sour))--

Enrion: (Provide. An Heir.) (He (fucked) (slept with) (had sex) -)

Destro: and he does. stop talking. stops breathing.)

Enrion: (His jealousy, if it wasn't apparent a moment ago, is blatant now. Is consuming and furious, leaving him shaking where his too-tense stance doesn't control his limbs.)

Destro: (without thought, without precise intention, he moves toward the boy--two, three steps if he can.)

Enrion: (He doesn't step back, but there's a twist of his shoulder like he means to. (His head hurts. His head is full of a dull roar.))
Enrion: That's not. Exclusivity.
Enrion: (He doesn't chart his own thought's course from the idea of Destro (fucking) (a woman) (or anyone not Enrion) to where he is now.)

Destro: ...enrion. (Softly, unable even to feel annoyed, or feel much beyond cold, ice-edged worry.)

Enrion: (He's only angry. (Hurt.) (Seething.))

Destro: that was years ago.
Destro: it was... really, very little.

Enrion: (He thinks about saying, she's alive. She's still your wife. But that's not the problem; the problem is --)
Enrion: (The problem is. Destro can't. /They/ can't.)
Enrion: (His eyes betray him - flicker down to Destro's hand. And sensing his own mistake, Enrion jerks his head and looks away, at anything else.)
Enrion: (Not like they were going to, anyhow.)
Enrion: (They weren't. They never talked about it.)

Destro: (he saw that. and it'd be difficult to miss the... potential meaning, if not the meaning's actuality (IS that what the boy was thinking? could it possibly be?) and destro holds out his hand, the ring from enrion clear on his finger.)
Destro: enri.

Enrion: (He flinches. Destro saw it. He knows, and now he's going to say something admonishing, or comforting, or apologetic.)

Destro: she has no claim on me, nor i on her. we made certain of it.
Destro: there was a body. as far as anyone knows...
Destro: she is dead.

Enrion: But she's not.

Destro: you know that.
Destro: i know that.
Destro: my sister's wife suspects.
Destro: beyond that...

Enrion: The divines know. The ones you take that vow in front of.

Destro: the general assumption is i had her killed.
Destro: ...puppy.
Destro: (he can't help it. there's a littttle little bit of 'are you serious rn' in that tone)

Enrion: (As a heart attack, daddy.)

Destro: and what if none of the assembled parties believed for a moment in those divines?

Enrion: (Enrion's face has the look to accompany that tone.)
Enrion: (/Are you serious./)

Destro: (destro did not. count on the boy putting stock in any of that dross.)
Destro: (....destro maybe should have considered this :||)

Enrion: You made a pledge of Mara and don't believe in Mara.

Destro: it isn't uncommon in the least.
Destro: ...or.
Destro: it isn't uncommon in my line.

Enrion: ...So if you made it to me. You could just walk away any time you wanted, just like you did to her.

Destro: ...
Destro: (it isn't the same. which he almost says. could snap at the boy. but.)

Enrion: (He's asking hypothetically. He can't remember. The fucking word. 'Hypothetical'. Right now.)

Destro: (but whether it's the same or not isn't the boy's focus or concern. and this isn't a time for running roughshod over enrion's... wishes. needs.)
Destro: (and.)
Destro: (and for that matter.)

Enrion: (His entire head feels like it's in a vise. )

Destro: (what the boy just said rather confirms that earlier suspicion, doesn't it? (that maybe the boy would like something lasting.) (something sealed.) (destro wouldn't have expected it.) ((oh, he would like it.)))
Destro: it isn't any divine that keeps me attached, enrion. (there's warmth in the name. there's an attempt to suggest that his use of the boy's name is no sign of coldness. what he intends is... respect. to let the boy know he udnerstands the situation's severity, or how that severity appears to enrion.)
Destro: i told you, puppy, that she and i agreed together. it was always a possibility. from the start, we knew there was nothing beyond a contract to keep us together. really, it was only a matter of time.

Enrion: (Enrion has begun chewing his lower lip, his eyes distant, his brow furrowed. (He wishes Destro would stop calling him 'puppy'.) (It keeps lancing him, it keeps hurting and tugging like a fishhook.))

Destro: when i finished with the military... mm. it took all of six weeks for us to decide on breaking.
Destro: she never cared especially for me. i never cared for her. beyond what duty required.
Destro: enrion.
Destro: enri.
Destro: what you are to me is another world.

Enrion: (He wants to (and doesn't want to) ask, /do you care for me/, just to be spiteful.)

Destro: what you are to me is... lasting. consonant.
Destro: i've told you you're unmatched. special.
Destro: the words scarcely begin to cover it.
Destro: (if he stops thinking. if he lets thought intrude. he won't be able to say a damned thing. so destro keeps talking, or will keep talking, until his words run themselves through or the boy intervenes)

Enrion: (Another tug at his insides. He's trying not to look at Destro, but. His eyes keep straying back, and his expression looks less certain of the moment-ago rage.)

Destro: enrion. i feel for you.

Enrion: (Destro could be lying. He lies a lot.)

Destro: i lack... the vocabulary needed to speak it properly. but. (looking for the boy's eyes) you ARE my fondness.

Enrion: (But - why about that, when he should have lied about a wife.)

Destro: (it isn't easy, none of this is easy but he dug this hole, he's been digging this hole for himself for years, so. pay up. endure the discomfort. and keep speaking.)

Enrion: ...If I want to leave, and for you to leave me alone.
Enrion: (He doesn't want that.)

Destro: ((he goes still)

Enrion: (He wants to hear the hypothetical.)
Enrion: (Suddenly, he bursts out- )
Enrion: Hypothetically.
Enrion: (Remembered it!)
Enrion: (...It's not a great time to feel proud of himself for remembering a word.)

Destro ... (his throat aches. feels curdled, raw. and still he nearly-smiles at that outburst, the clear pleasure in the boy's voice. found something he was looking for; well, that's something.)

Enrion: (He doesn't know precisely why he's asking. Whether he wants to know if Destro would chase him down and drag him home, or pine for him, or forget him.)
Enrion: (Or if he'll speak to some other 'puppy' and never mention there was someone else, before.)

Destro: ...is that your question? (a worn-out edge to his own question, and of course enrion hadn't spoken the full question. destro can assume the meaning; destro also doesn't. want to assume the meaning. or consider it, at all.)

Enrion: (He considers, then nods, slowly.) If I left, what would happen.

Destro: ...
Destro: (he doesn't. like this.) (the boy deserves an answer.) (Destro can face down an answer.) (he doesn't. like it.)
Destro: (he doesn't know that there's a trustworthy response. a response enrion might accept. a response that won't rend destro. but he has to try. he wants. to try.)
Destro: ...i would look for you.
Destro: listen for you.
Destro: (he's looking off into the depthless sky. can't/ look at enrion right now)
Destro: (Can't focus on anything, because pursuing his answer, the truest answer, requires a release on thought and caution)
Destro: follow you, perhaps unwisely.
Destro: ...likely unwisely.
Destro: if you wished... if you wish nothing to do with me.

Enrion: (Enrion is watching him, and the anger is. Less. Dimmer. (Jealousy fed to dormancy, perhaps.))

Destro: ...i don't always leave well enough alone.
Destro: i don't detach readily from what draws me. catches me... with a hook beneath the ribs.
Destro: i suppose you could shake me. if my pursuit caused your grief.
Destro: somehow...
Destro: if i cut off my wrist.
Destro: shattered a knee.
Destro: perhaps i could convince myself to remain here long enough to let you from my knowing.
Destro: if i knew it'd end your...
Destro: if i knew it was what you wanted.
Destro: ...i want you to be well, enri.
Destro: enrion.

Enrion: (And Enrion, looking at Destro, is remembering that only moments ago, he held this man close and whispered 'my'. That Destro is wearing his ring. (And he's saying things that cut deep, cut beautifully.))

Destro: you would be with me, however far you traveled, but.
Destro: i'd learn not to besiege you.
Destro: however much you'd have me still.
Destro: (and that. that, there. is a destro who's talked himself quiet. into an unsettled uncertainty as he stares, just stares distant.)
Destro: ((because if he looks over and enrion has vanished.) (if he looks over and the boy is nodding, suggesting yes, that's what he wishes.) (...the image doesn't bear consideration.))

Enrion: (Enrion reaches out, the way he did once in a dwemer ruin, and catches Destro's jaw with delicate fingertips.)
Enrion: (He coaxes Destro to look at him - at everything in his expression. Love and pain and jealousy and again, ever and again. Love.)

Destro: (his jaw untenses slightly at that touch, and he finds his thoughts have turned to burning haze, finds his head's an unrelenting pressure, finds his... his eyes, burning. a minor, subtle wet along his cheek.)
Destro: (and he does look, when the the boy beckons. and he sees...)

Enrion: (He can't bear that. Oh, no, no, he can't look at Destro and see (tears) (crying) - that. His entire being recoils from it, an outward rush of a breath. (He hurt Destro.))
Enrion: (Hurt him.)

Destro: (what he'd prefer to see, or is it what's real? (trust himself; he has always been able to trust to himself and his judgment.) (and. trust to the relief he finds at that sight, because. because.) that isn't the boy gone distant. that isn't destro left, stranded. (here, were he knows himself and only himself.))
Destro: (he lets his eyes shut - a moment, just a moment to collect some trace of himself - and opens them again; doesn't want to miss enrion's face for long.)

Enrion: (What else rushes away: all the anger. Enrion doesn't quite know how he got from one place to the next but--)
Enrion: (He was standing, and now he's not. Now he's on the ground, clutching hands to his face, bitterly sorry.)
Enrion: (Enrion's arms wind around Destro, and he presses his cheek to the other man's stomach, his breathing shallow, his world condensed to this single point.)
Enrion: (And he's speaking, quickly, panicked -) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Destro, I won't. I won't, I don't want to leave.
Enrion: My fondness. My whole - everything. I'm so sorry.

Destro: (he scarcely dares to breathe, but wraps the arms around the boy without hesitation, sets his hand against the boy's hair and... carefully, gently caresses.)
Destro: puppy. enri. (his voice still sounds strangled, distant, but he's speaking, and he's aware of the boy's hair between his fingers, the boy pressed against him.)
Destro: (his world. (his entire world, before him. here.))
Destro: it's all right, enri. enri, puppy. (trying to ease his voice and succeeding somewhat, his tone becoming softer, more resonant.)

Enrion: (He's still babbling a little, explaining - something. About being jealous, about being sorry for being jealous, about wanting only Destro, only and forever, really, but half the words are a muffled mess -)
Enrion: (He wishes he could erase the past four minutes, the past ten - or just that memory, that shimmer of wet -)
Enrion: (And what he said to cause pain, and relief after pain.)

Destro: (the boy can't be blamed. (if it were anyone else, destro would fling blame without blinking.) none of this is simple, and the boy is young, can't know much at all about the ways existence complicates what might seem simple, the ways everything contorts over itself.)
Destro: (his arm presses enrion tighter, and destro inhales a shuddered breath. he needs. air. he can breathe a little, now. (enrion isn't gone.) (enrion isn't leaving.) ((there would be. so little left without him.)))
Destro: ((he curls himself over, leaning closer toward enrion, holding tighter still, and still caressing.)
Destro: i should have been more judicious.
Destro: puppy, it was a lot. it is a lot.
Destro: enrion. don't blame yourself, my puppy. my boy.
Destro: my fondness.

[onefellswoop]

Enrion: (Enrion responds to the shift, his own embrace tightening, tinged desperate. (He hurt him. He hurt him enough to bleed, where the blood wasn't red, only a translucent glint of light, and every time Enrion thinks of it, his breathing hitches.))
Enrion: (He wanted so badly to have his perfect exclusivity, Destro all to himself, he almost ruined it all. When Destro is telling him things, secret things, important things. Sharing himself -)
Enrion: (Giving himself.)
Enrion: (And he promised not to hurt him. He /promised/ that.)
Enrion: (He can't breathe quite right. He hears Destro speaking, and the words are familiar and soft and lovely, but he did something unspeakably wrong.)

Destro: ((it occurs to destro that he'll need to, he'll want to address the... enrion mentioned jealousy. that. he'll address that at some point. it isn't for this moment. it isn't anything destro can begin to approach, save to think over and over again there's nothing to be jealous or and never was. but the boy doesn't know that. and this isn't the time.)
Destro: it's been a long night, and this place alone isn't easy to take. puppy, i understand.

Enrion: (He doesn't say anything else; he tilts his chin, angling to look up at Destro with agonized, searching eyes, seeing how much damage he did - and asking what he can do.)

Destro: puppy, i'm here. beside you.

Enrion: (And shakes his head. It's not the place.)
Enrion: (It's not the history, the place, the secrets.)
Enrion: (He eases back so he can look up earnestly, without clinging, his hands resting on the other man's sides.) No matter what. --
Enrion: No matter how far I go, or how long I live.
Enrion: I will never stop being yours.

Destro: (difficult to stay standing. difficult to keep his thoughts in focus, or he has no need for thoughts, need only focus on enrion's face, those eyes, the depths rung through his voice.)
Destro: (and he feels enrion's hair beneath one hand, enrion's cheek (when did he find the boy's cheek?) (he'd touch that cheek always, if he could) (always, no matter how far, no matter how long))

Enrion: (He's certain of one thing more, as well; his jaw sets and he presses a hand before Destro can say anything.)
Enrion: I never /want/ to stop being yours.

Destro: (what the boy's saying should be... could be gratifying. a boost for his ego, a set of phrases to stake pride on. but what enrion says becomes none of these things. the boy's words sink deeper and, yes, catch deeper in, more inextricable from destro's lungs.)
Destro: (and he wouldn't want it to be otherwise. and it's all exquisite beyond language.)
Destro: (his pulse wild and his breath slow. enrion's words ringing through him, taking residence within him.)
Destro: oh, puppy.
Destro: (he drops to one knee beside the boy, the better to meet his eyes, the better to offer his caress)
Destro: you never will.
Destro: my enri. i couldn't draw you from me if i tried. ...nor would i. i don't...
Destro: there would be so little without you.
Destro: my fondness. my enri.
Destro: (100% watching him with wonder now. destro's sorrow not vanished, but largely overwhelmed by wonder.)
Destro (by - whether destro knows it or not - something very like (Something that is) adoration.)

Enrion: (Enrion responds to each caress as though they contain miracles, are in themselves miraculous. (Destro is down here on the ground, in the dirt, with him.) (Level with him.) (Equitable.))
Enrion: (He feels something building in his chest, that could be a howl or could be just greater-than-fondness that wants to sit inside him, and he'll let it. He'll carry it with him for all the many long years he lives. There's never going to be anyone like this man, or what this man is to him.)
Enrion: (And softly, assuring and certain, with his eyes on Destro's, his hand seeking Destro's cheek, he manages (around all that building) (surprising his voice is steady and not a cry, not a howl)-)
Enrion: You'll always be mine, too.
Enrion: (He must have learned it somewhere - to make a promise sound like a threat and a vow. Maybe from Destro.)

Destro: (his eyes won't leave enrion's, though he could sink into the comfort of those words, could wrap himself in every sound and steady toning of the boy's voice (pervasive voice, resonant voice that strikes destro resonate, nearly or could-be- radiant)--
Destro: --but the watching is dire, but he won't lose those eyes (won't lose this boy), and his lip flickers a sorrowed--
Destro: --smile turning warmer, turned pleased in the aftershock of that, oh, that steady could-be-growl, that promise-wound-imperative. (this beautiful boy. this --
Destro: --unmatched light who sees and knows him well, who holds him, who will always hold him.) (who he might always hold; will, oh will always hold)
Destro: yes, enri.
Destro: every day, every moment, and always.
Destro: my puppy. stay with me.
Destro: my own; you have me.
Destro: (his smile grows slightly, warms deeper, and his hand presses the boy's cheek, and he could...)
Destro: (and he does.)
Destro: (kiss enrion's forehead, sainted.)
Destro: (and kiss the boy's mouth, not lingering but absolutely adoring.)

Enrion: (A slow nod, and maybe behind his eyes, not so distant, there's a flicker of something woken and unconstrained, primal and vicious. An impulse toward devastation to keep and please what's his. (An impulse that invites Destro to test him, to try him. To watch what blood he'll run to keep his (love) (mate) Daddy.)) (His eyes slip shut over that violence, the remnants of his expression drifting towards rapture as first one kiss finds his forehead, then another graces his lips.)
Enrion: (He parts them with a moan, willing Destro back - how could he have forgotten this, in a moment of rage?)
Enrion: (How he feels electric and possessed, certain of everything in the world.)

Destro: puppy.
Destro: my enri.
Destro: (another kiss, a little more lingered, a way of assuring the boy that yes, his certainty can hold sealed: destro will never relinquish enrion, and destro will never be relinquished.)
Destro: let's go home, puppy.

Enrion: (A beat.)
Enrion: (Enrion watching him intently, serious - intent and intense, full of adoration and want.)
Enrion: (His fingertips trace a reverent path down Destro's cheek before he leans in and brushes his lips against the corner of the other man's mouth. )
Enrion: (His words are whispered, breath against skin, heated and loving.) I am home, Daddy.

Destro: (there, all of the (hope) (fondness) assurance he needs in the world. in that kiss, and...)
Destro: (he feels improbable, feels lightheaded and aflame and granted the boon of freshest, clearest air.)
Destro: (And he smiles. and he breathes the skin against his own, and he could stay here forever, here with his enri, his home, oh always his home.)