tfln open post

[byanyname]

***

either leave a message (or set of muses) for one of my assholes, or request a message from one of them. choose messages from the classic source, from your own skull, or whatever you may please.

Comments

2/2

[loyalless]

...No, I believe I know who you mean. You needn't I

It's true Warwick ought to know better.

[lostyourheart]

I would prefer not to name names. It could be any number of women, for how I have seen men here rebuffed. A chilly reception, indeed. To a coquette such as I once was, it seems a lamentable behavior to turn aside fondness. I have great admiration for men with open hearts.

Even if I may not be in any position to intimately enjoy that openness from most.

[...]

You have [...] more than frequently offered me astounding, rending openness, and how I have loved every blessed glimpse of your heart. It ought to be cherished, protected, worshipped; and - yes, I have shown how I worship the depths of you. I fear you will one day have that beauty driven from you, if you linger in her company

She might destroy this man I love so well

You

Oh, but I love you. I always will, no matter how far from you I might wander.

[...]

As to my past [...] I suppose it hardly matters. Nevermind it, my darling.

[loyalless]

Cleverly side-stepped; you're wise to leave her name unvoiced.

Well.

[ ... ] You're the first who's had the - ha - privilege of a clear sight of my heart. Or perhaps this so-called heart of mine hums differently for you, and in your regard.

Your regard, which is the truest grace I've been granted.

I don't doubt your love, dearest, any more than I doubt my feelings for you. That alone... I've never believed much of anything. Or haven't since an early age. You astonish me. The depths of my faith in you astonish me.

And you are worth every word I could find to speak, worth praises far beyond my voice and gesture.

[ ... ]

Please, I—

As you like. I.

Or, no. Please. I don't wish you to believe I think so little of your past, only in my experience, the past is rarely worth speaking I don't wish to we have so little time to it isn't a subject I'm versed in discussing. What I mean to say is that if you wish to speak, Katrina, I am and will be here.

1/2

[lostyourheart]

Can my past matter so much at all when there is no future for us?

Unfair, again and ever, unfair of me

Surely you have loved before?

Or, no, you've said as much, haven't you? That our encounters are strange to you?

Treavor -

I am loathe to put this to voice, or to text as the case may be.

Why her?

What does she possess that

Is there no one else who can offer you what you need from her marriage this union before you? Is it truly your only option, and is there no one, not a single woman in all of your circle, who could someday perhaps offer what you find with me?

It pains me to think I am all for you. And if there are things that can never be for us - surely, you could find this again?

2/2

[lostyourheart]

Forgive me. I go too far.

Your reasons are your own. Of course. And I know well enough that love is no consideration of merit in these affairs, no matter how much I might wish it for you.

[loyalless]

[ ... ]

Understand, I don't

[ ... ]

No, you. Are well within your rights to speak.

And you aren't mistaken; I am not in a position to [ ... ] entertain thoughts of affection in my future decisions. Nor did I expect to find anything of the kind. I thought I burned the last of those hopes after that bastard You have been a welcome surprise. And more momentous than that word suggests, of course. Far more lasting. Dearest, I believe you'll linger with me all my days never mind what else may happen.

I expect I'll have little use for any trace of my heart beyond your stay. Still, it's [ ... ] nice that it's gotten some use.

What I have with you is new. I won't say I've been wholly without [ ... ] affections. But all were brought to damage nothing soon enough, and that I have never felt so utterly [ ... ] seen or welcomed as I do in your regard.

Rarely (never) have I felt so [ ... ] crucial.

You have reached for me in ways no other has, my love. Nor would I welcome any touch beyond your own.

[lostyourheart]

[ There's a delay. Katrina contemplates here the things he has revealed in that message: the life he has lived, and the one extending before him, barren of any warmth. Likely barren of any kindness.

He needs kindness and warmth. He is one of those particular men who, in its absence, grows bitter. Grows frightened, and cold, and lost. Hasn't she seen men like that before, often marching off seeking a fight against manufactured foes? (Hasn't she seen them returned home, and buried?)

But what can she do, when their paths are carved out unalterable before them? ]

I will ever reach for you, and ever exalt in you. Place an ocean between us and I will still pray your name in the darkness, at hours when I know you might be listening. I will still seek you out in dreaming.

In what ways I can, I would make a kinder world for you.

You have made my own world softer, you know. What I thought was long lost and forgotten has been revived, made new and beautiful. Perhaps such beauty is never meant to last. Perhaps that is why I seem ever to lose what I For me, there will never again be this; no one could compare to you.

Well. To have had it for a moment is enough. Surely, it is enough.

wallace higgins to katrina (nightmare mode)

[loyalless]

Mrs. Van Tassel,

This is Wallace Higgins. I am speaking to you through the phone of an acquaintance unknown to the family I serve.

I must know whether you seen or heard from Lord Pendleton. This is a matter of some urgency.

-WH

[lostyourheart]

Mr. Higgins,

Thank God. I would have contacted you far sooner, but thought it unwise that I do so directly.

Lord Pendleton is with me; you have my word that he is quite safe.

He happened upon me as I was returning to Anna Pendleton's home. I believe he had been wandering in the rain for some time, and without a coat. I have been administering to his care since then. He is recovering well, but has expressed concern for you on several occasions.

If you are able to do so, please come.

- Katrina

[loyalless]

Mrs. Van Tassel,

Thank you. I am relieved to hear.

[ ... ]

I had hoped he would have gone to you.

[ ... ]

If I have not been followed, I will be over directly.

[ ... ]

Thank you.

-WH

[lostyourheart]

Mr. Higgins,

If at all possible, please bring a spare set of clothing - at minimum, his coat.

Unless it would arouse suspicion, in which case I ask you not to trouble yourself.

And, if you would, please give me your number, that I may in the future contact you directly?

- Katrina

[loyalless]

Mrs. Van Tassel,

93 752 448

I advise against using this number until Lord Pendleton has been reestablished in his home.

Acquiring the necessary items will require some time.

Expect me this evening, no later than seven.

-WH

[lostyourheart]

Mr. Higgins,

There is another matter, which I am loathe to address in Lord Pendleton's presence for fear of causing insult, and I expect I shall have little opportunity otherwise.

He has asked to put forth a suit on my beh marry me.

I understand, of course, the upset this will cause to the already precarious position in which he finds himself, and have already begun formulating and indeed enacting such plans as to minimize the damage. However, there is one person in this city whose opinion on this subject holds sway over any further action on my part: you.

He speaks of you with high regard, and, dare I say, even sentiment. Time and again he has told me you are the sole person he cares for at all, with the exception of myself.

I would know your mind on the matter. Can there be accord between us, at the very least? Could you like me, in time?

I can offer no revelation of nobility; I am American, you see. I have other qualities which would recommend me, but for all the assets I might lay before you in hopes that you would approve, the chiefest of these is that I love him. I would give him my care, and strive ever for his happiness and peace.

You need not answer immediately. I do ask that you delete my message upon reading, that we might maintain secrecy until he has further recovered. However, if your answer is to the affirmative, I have one consideration further to put to you.

[...]
With highest regards,
- Katrina

[loyalless]

[ He composes half a hundred messages in his head before responding. Thinks to suggest he makes no habit of discussing Treavor’s affairs or inclinations; thinks to deny extending a response. Considers asking why she should consult him regarding any of this, perhaps asking - not without a hint of wryness - whether it’s an American habit.

He might note that hers are uncommon questions. Might thank her for what she’s offered, might deny her efforts toward praise, might question whether she’s attempting to curry Wallace’s favor only to get closer to and better destroy Treavor.

He doesn’t believe her aim to be ingenuous. He’s seen her with him, has watched her close, and can think only that she acts toward Treavor with honest intent. ]

Mrs. Van Tassel,

He has spoken of you.

I know what you have been to Lord Pendleton. I have observed him in your presence, and I have seen his health and demeanor improved with your company.

That you comprehend the precariousness of the situation is not to be dismissed.

I think highly of Lord Pendleton. He has not had an easy life, but I am of the belief that alongside one who offers such care as yours, he might find the years ahead less strained.

I am glad to hear he has put forth a suit. If there is anything I might offer or arrange, you may consider my aid at your service.

-Wallace

[lostyourheart]

[ Of everything he writes, there is one point upon which she lingers: how he ends his reply with his given name.

She has no direct employees that she addresses so informally as that; the Whitneys are some decades older, and thus afforded the respect of youth to old age. (She had on occasion heard her father call Mr. Whitney 'John', but never in the fields. Then, it was only Foreman, or Meneer.)

Perhaps if there had been someone nearer her own age, the situation might have been different, and calling him 'Wallace' would not be so unthinkable.

It seems to her that this familiarity is a sign of mutual respect - a lessening of boundaries, and a welcome, in its way. She has watched Wallace, as well, after all, and seen how he administers care. How he does care. To be permitted familiarity is to be given a measure of approval, and it touches her deeply. ]

Mr. Higgins,

If that is your stance on the matter, then I shall accept him gladly - after an appropriate wait, for the sake of appearances. Or, for the sake of my own desire to enjoy an unadulterated courtship.

I have no doubt I will test your patience to its very limits now that I have your offer of aid in writing, for while my business acumen is uncontested, I have no concept of how one ought to prepare for a wedding. (An odd statement, no doubt, when one considers I have already endured a marriage; however, all was handled for me then, as well, and customs here are sure to differ from my own.)

The matter I mentioned previously is of a more practical nature, however, and errs toward the consideration of Lord Pendleton's needs. We should acknowledge honestly between us that they are many, and he requires the most devoted and undivided attention. I can not provide this myself, and in your current situation, I fear neither can you.

My proposal to you is this: with the assumption that I do indeed marry him, then presumably I would enter in to his household. In that event, I would have you come into my employ. Not for my sake, as I would prefer a woman (perhaps one hired at your recommendation) to see to my own needs.

Your sole responsibility would be to the care of Lord Pendleton without exception.

Crass as I feel it is to say, I do not wish you distracted from his needs by the varied demands of his brothers, and as such I would prefer you in no way beholden to them. As your employer, I would have little fear of defending your position against those who might attempt to take advantage, or distract.

With regards your salary - I leave it to you to name, should you accept.

Please do not think me deceitful in this; it is the most obvious route to me, that we may avoid this very situation in the future.

With highest regards,
Katrina

PS - Please do not misinterpret my refusal to address you by your given name. I am simply unaccustomed to enjoying such familiarity with my elders and, to my vexation, most whom I encounter are indeed my elders. It is habit now. Ah, but give me time, I pray you; I am not so deeply entrenched in my ways that I cannot be taught some new trick.

[...]

And, too: know that the invitation has not gone unnoticed, and that it has touched me deeply.

[loyalless]

[ Again, a gathering of thoughts not turned to typing: That he would hope she might marry Treavor regardless of what Wallace could say. That he is near to stunned by her seeming regard for her husband-to-be’s servant. That she strikes him as an unusual woman; that she might be worthy of the descriptors - ‘remarkable,’ ‘unmatched,’ ‘astonishing’ - attached to her by Lord Pendleton.

His response arrives after an hour’s consideration. ]

Mrs. Van Tassel,

Though you are not of noble blood, your every act and intention occasions respect.

Should Lord Pendleton assent to your design, I would be gratified to enter into your service, the better to assist him.

Our horizons have changed with your arrival. I cannot regret your presence, or think your purpose other than sound.

Although my expertise concerning weddings is limited, I am familiar with the customs, and am prepared to advise yourself and Lord Pendleton as best I can. Regarding the matter of a lady’s maid, two or three names occur to me, and I will with your permission make quiet inquiries.

My gratitude is yours.

-Wallace

[lostyourheart]

Mr. Higgins,

We can discuss particulars if and when these plans of Lord Pendleton's come to fruition. I am glad you are amenable, in any case. And yes - do make inquiries on my behalf, with my thanks.

I trust you will delete these messages as requested. We look forward to your arrival this evening.

Please, be careful.

- Katrina

to katrina (nightmare mode)

[halfdozenoftheother]

You know your prince was getting it from the Royal Spymaster.

Until the tides turned.

[lostyourheart]

I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.

[...]

I do wish you would tell me whether you are Morgan or Custis.

[halfdozenoftheother]

Stupid girl.

The hairless rat carried an itch.

Your plaything served to scratch it.

[lostyourheart]

[...]

[...]

[...]

[ ...oh. ]

I see.

[halfdozenoftheother]

You'll find nothing in him.

So many he's plagued. Always a loss.

I'll watch with interest.

[lostyourheart]

Clearly, I find something in him. My prince and plaything?

Why in heaven's name should you care?

[halfdozenoftheother]

As did Burrows. Blackstock. Shaw. On and on the list draws out.

We have a duty to our [ ... ] brother.

That one's a hazard.

[lostyourheart]

I would argue that what Lady Blackstock saw in him, she did so by clawing him open.

I am intrigued: what is the nature of your duty to your brother, that you would slander him to his intended?