kingdomsofrain | tfln open post

1) Oh yeah I'm in a ditch.

2) Lost the fuck knife

Fucking knife

Whatever. Both.

3) According to the book of Dipshits, chapter 37, those who hoard their stash will burn at the hands of Jesus cocktwisting Christ himself. This is the word of the Lord.

4) Count em up: three visible bite marks, a black eye, arm's bandaged, thumbnail's turning black and blue. A good night's work, I'd fucking say.

5) Fucking dipshit geese don't even speak SPANISH.

This seems an unlikely scenario.

Firstly, Jesus had twelve apostles to do his cock twists for him, and was frequently far too preoccupied with finding stash hoarders to twist any cocks not his own. Which he did not need to twist, as (refer to the above) he had helpers.

Secondly, he was either crucified or cocktwisted to death. God knows which. (Literally! Figuratively! Metaphorically and possibly strategically!)

(Nothing about that deity's historic actions seems particularly strategic. That was incautiously optimistic of me.)

In any case, the Christ in question is dead as a doornail and will do no burning of stash hoarders.

Are you certain you're reading the Nuking James version of Dipshits?

(I don't have any, Darius, my dear. Threatening me with Old Testament retribution will not make white horses appear for you to ride upon.)

Full of SHIT.

Dial back on the chatter, Wilkes; if I'm looking to lock down some insta-cola, chances are I'm in a fucking mood.

Also waving your religious studies dick around's not a good look. You got a hard-on for Jesus over there?

Like I give a shit about any fucking testament. We weren't all of us deep-throating the big twelve twisters from age six.

All right you fuckin miser. If you won't give up the prime goods, how about a drink? Pitch a bottle my way, maybe you'll reap rewards.

Edited 2021-04-18 03:08 (UTC)

As often as one hears 'Jesus is coming', I should think he's got a hard-on for me.

[...]

Would you do it? Given the opportunistic nature of your sexual exploits, and given the circumstance-and/or-chance, would you 'exalt the heavenly host'? Make a literal example of the term 'fucking Christ'?

I don't believe I would. While I might consider the overwhelming imperative to add the most (in)famous name in recorded history to the notches on my bedpost, I don't think it would be very fun.

He seems as though he would cry. After, certainly. Possibly during.

Judas, though. There's the real action.

Full of rage and absolutely no conscience. Rough ride all around but he'd leave in the morning before I have to deal with repercussions like "communicating" or "do you want to get coffee".

Darius, allow me to ask:

What chances? You are perpetually in a mood.

Why don't you find a doggy to play with, hm?

Why don't u suck my dick?

You think I'm going to be deterred by a little crying? Fuck, I'll drink the savior's tears, I don't care. Show him who his god really is.

Tears and spunk, the holy fucking cocktail.

Also wait wait wait hold the fuck up. Hold UP

All this shit about repercussions, crying, coffee, the fuck kind of game are you running that that’s ever an issue?

Kick em out after, holy shit. You're not running a fuckin b&b

I like the cuddling.

Disgusting.

You're disgusting, you know that?

What the fuck. Your own fault you've got coffee troubles, I swear to SHIT.

What the fuck's this bullshit

You OWE me after hearing that

Darius, I'm surprised at you.

Owe you?

You can have a cuddle all for free.

Cuddle yourself, you fungal fuckmuffin

Bring me a drink and whatever hash you can snag from Renault. THAT'S what the fuck you owe me. Bring it on over, be a good lad

'Cuddles.' I need a fuckin shower jesus shit

Edited 2021-04-18 15:51 (UTC)

Darius, question the wisdom in sending me to ask Rin for their hash stash.

One: they don't like to share (with you).

Two: neither of us are possessed of money in quantity such that we would deign to share hard-earned narco of any sort with the third in our trio who has the means by which one might acquire more. (And does not because he doesn't want to get out of his comfortable chair, I imagine?)

Three: I might be diverted from such a holy quest as this by the temptation to seek cuddles with Rin, as you've rejected my very charming advances.

Yeah I'm not thinking about that.

Fuck off I'm not even IN my chair. Ever occur to you, Wilkes, that maybe I'm trying to do us all a favor? Yeah that Darius is SUCH a prick, trying to keep from gashing blood all over the floor. Such a piece of shit, tryin to keep the stains contained to HIS shitty square of carpet

Booze.

Weed.

Maybe a bandage or whatever's fkin available

I'll give you the fucking money. Jesus, don't be a prude

A lesser man would have made a menstruation joke.

D a r i u s.

Why are you bleeding on the apartment?

An amendment: why are you bleeding on the apartment AGAIN?

Why's it fuckin matter

Apartment's here I'm here, this is my blood drink it the fuck up free ticket to everlasting life

Everlasting carpet til I have it ripped out

Anyway apartment doesn't want blood, it shouldn't be here. Make you a deal, bring the shit I'll keep quiet for a whole hour, you can do what you want with the hash-hoarder

Question: is there enough blood to necessitate a road trip to the emergency room, or will you, Darius, heal thyself without medical intervention?

Will I need to beg the car keys off the hash-hoarder?

Before you snipe, I'm looking for bandages.

And, yes, my emergency stash.

Good friend, me.

Sleep it off

I'LL sleep it off, fuck

[ Does Darius remember how his leg ended up with a sizable gash, or where the piece or three of glass came from? Nope. Nope, and nope, and he's not gonna fuck around with bothering to work it out. It's fine. It'll heal thyself, sure. Sure, Sen, that's right. ]

Not squeamish are you? Nah, seen you with worse

Okay friend, you.

GOOD friend when you get in here

Friends let friends bleed in bliss

Dont wake Rin got pissy about the blood last time

Rin was not pissy about the blood. They were pissy that you didn't inform anyone that you were bleeding.

And about the blood, all right, yes.

I found duct tape. Is this an injury solved by duct tape and gauze? Otherwise we two are going on a jaunt together.

Look at me, telling you now. Let the shithead know I'm all over it

Fuckin like a little blood ever killed anyone

Nah just drop the shit, get in get out. Not in a mood to drive, and YOU can't hold a wheel worth a fuck. Sooner put my life in the hands of a fully-baked tortoise

[ ... ]

Unrelated question any broken windows lying about?

Darius, I'm not abandoning you to your own dubious triage. I will deposit the narcotics and you may do with them as you please while I have a look at what ever you've done to you.

If you won't drive without a tortoise, you'll succumb to less dubious ministrations.

[...]

Windows.

Tweezers, too, then?

Can't be proven it was me did anything

Fckin got the glass out already. On the floor, step light

lmfao unless you want to join comrade Darius for ten oclock triage

nevermind that about the window; worked it out

[ Explains why his room's so fuckin cold right now, huh. ]

tfln open post

throwback texts :O!

3

1/2

2/2

1/3

2/3

3/3

1/2

2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)