darius scarlett (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onefellswoop) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomsofrain2024-01-24 08:25 pm
onefellswoop) wrote in kingdomsofrain2024-01-24 08:25 pmtexts texts texts
this one is for texts!
onefellswoop) wrote in kingdomsofrain2024-01-24 08:25 pm
3/3
Ever since you spoke it first, got me thinking of my Talik in the shower.
Liable to knock me senseless all over again, shite.
Right! Running off!
[ ... ]
🧡🧡
no subject
no subject
While grinning to himself and yes laughing again yes he is permitted! ]
No worries there, Talik, and I'm ahead of you.
Got a nice steamy shower in this imagination of mine. Only seemed fair! c;
1/?
Not that the cold really detracts, but[...]
[...]
🧡
[...]
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
Iryna's right, I'm behaving like a teenage
But Vevay, I love you so - as I've never felt for
It's been a week. One week.
But we've said so much, I feel I've known you for a lifetime
Do you believe words are enough to inspire love
What if you don't care for me
What if I'm not what you hope
[...]
Thirteen days. Less than this.
2/?
[...]
I don't mean to hide you, or us. I intend to deal with her in New York
where she can't avoid me.after the wedding. I don't want to disrupt anything for Darius.I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do, of course. [...] I need to look in to some matters of legality around Sergiy.
[...]
Well, none of this is important just now.
Please, tell your friends, show them anything you like of me. I meant to say I had thought to caution you, but instead of worried, I feel strangely that someone - that you! - would be so pleased with me.
Surprised, perhaps.
Have you seen yourself? You must have, at least once. You must know you're beautiful. [...] Handsome, there's the word. Handsome. But beautiful, also, in every word and gesture, in the stillness of [...] well, three of your photos. Two of them are very unstill - but even those show your vivacity.
I don't understand what makes you pleased enough to share my existence when it's you, Nova, it's your brilliance and life and strength, that which I've seen only in glimpses through messages. I've seen only the shadow of you.
This alone inspires me to be better. I can only imagine what I'll feel at your side.
Why are you sharing news of me as though you're proud? Tell them I'm proud to know you. Tell them I said that you are the music of my soul, Nova. Tell them I'm fortunate for having known you a week, and that a life with you is as incomprehensible and desirable to me as heaven.
[...]
It could be that I find no appeal in myself or men who look like me. I prefer litheness like you possess, the soft sharpness of your body.
But really, Vevay, I think you might overestimate me.
3/?
4/5
To those who call her Iryna, you should use 'Iryna'.
[...]
She is calling you Vasha, but I wonder if she asked first, or if you told her it was acceptable? She oversteps.
For your record: If she calls you Vashka but doesn't let you call her Irishka, she's being rude. It's very familiar and [...] how you call a child if it only goes one way.
'Talik' would be rude if I hadn't offered it first. You see?
And also - no, she wasn't offended by your request to speak Polish. She knows her English is atrocious and was relieved you wouldn't both be struggling.
5/5
I suppose you're in the shower with me if you're able to imagine all these details so clearly.
There, my Vevay. That's a thought for senselessness.
I'll have to avoid it while sharing a bedroom[...]
[...]
I don't need to tell you I immediately wished to call those words back again, eh?
[...]
[...]
The thought is a distracting one. It's difficult to fret about how little you might like me when I know you're entertaining those ideas.
...Are you really?
No, you're only teasing
...Are you teasing?
It does provoke a different sort of worry. I hadn't considered it worth my notice when this was all still academic.
Some of the academia has become actuality, though, eh?
[...]
[...]
It's not anything worth immediate discussion.
But there's one
I should ask you
[...]
If you [...] were interested. At some point, of course. Not the first or even third time we should meet, or -
I fucking hate talking of thIt's only that I test regularly. Or I did, before marriage. And if you wouldn't mind doing the same...?
It'sI don't [...] like them.
Oh, for god's sakeCondoms. I don't like them.It isn't a demand! It isn't anything I expect, or need, or consider necessary!
[...]
[...]
Nevermind. Please, ignore this one. This whole wrong-headed fucking message.
1/2
Talik
Shouldn’t be like this for you. Shouldn’t have gotten to be like this for you
[ … ]
Talik. I speak about you with pride because I am proud of you. I’ve got pride in you, just as well.
Ey look, you’re here speaking of brilliance in me and inspiration, and fuck if it don’t feel real good hearing and aye, I’m pleased I can give that to you, it’s my want to be that for you.
It’s no one way phenomenon, though, is the thing.
Speaking with you, this with texting, I’m seeing the world around and all the road ahead gone bright again. It’s you bringing prospect, ah, potential from what’s been sodden. It’s you bringing brighter colours than I’ve known into the world.
I speak a word, I feel its vibrations in my throat.
I read a word from you, I feel it slipping nerve to nerve down to my centre.
I’ve vivacity all my own, give you that, but even Vevay’s, eh fuck’s the phrase, French, joi de vivre gets worn down by time, circumstances, name whatever’s around.
You bring that back to me, the sparking at those edges.
All of this and here I’ve seen only the shadow of yourself. All of this, and haven’t you been living your own shadow for a while now? And still, Vitaly, still all of this above, and more besides.
Who knows what you’ll be when it’s not assault on surrounding fronts, hey? Aye, and even should what you’ll be’s somehow no more than you are now, jesus, you’re still a man beyond any I’ve met or any man there is to find. Which is to say as well you’re more than any other being drawing breath. Truths I’ve caught through these messages alone. Truths found where your heart speaks with mine, to mine, hey?
Here’s this as well. Since we got to speaking, I haven’t spent half my nights oblivioned to high heaven. Haven’t walked myself into despair from whence there’s no returning for the day. Told you early on, aye?, that I’ve malaise. Haven’t felt its sting so sharp this last week, and there’s an alleviation I’ve felt with no other person.
Truth is I’ve not felt alone in the least, never mind the long nights and everyone gone out from town. And aye, I’ve got belief now, strong and certain.
My Talik, you think so little of yourself. No fault of your own. No fault not brought about by every tempest come upon you. Look, aye, I’d like to bring you pride in me, but where the pride for your own self?
Do your Vevay a favour, hey? Think about what’s good in you, and what good you’ve brought to bearing in existence.
Your Sergiy, that’s vital. A world of his own brought by yourself and nurtured by your caring, aye? Your scar and all it’s come from, the protector you are and’ve been. How well you’re a friend to those near you, the devil hisself knows Darius Scarlett can’t be an easy one for keeping, and there’s meaning that he knows you still, meaning as well that you’ve kept with him and his spats of shite.
You’re an intelligent man, and principled in ways you can put to speaking, ways you’ve put to action. Ways well beyond blind believing or adhering to ideals you’ve not thought of nor lived. What you think and what you say’s attached to what you are, aye? There’s many folks can’t claim the same, and it’s a trait I call admirable.
Happens I just recently told Sen as much, that I admire you. Not idle words, nor feelings, nor without basis given my your self.
Right and take these messages of ours. I’ve seen you, Talik. Both the ways you begin to bury what you’ve said and your own meaning, then the ways you call yourself back. Looks very much like upending impulses toward denial, and I’d call it overtaking fear, or else not letting it keep rein. You’ve been bold, aye, and that’s no light task for anyone who’s had cause for burying their meaning, burying their selves, the way you’ve had.
Well and look at you. Not to go shallow in speaking, but gods you are a handsome man. (Aye, and it might be worth noting my own tastes look nothing like myself, and everything like you. Trust your Vevay, ey? One look at you and I’m staggering.) (Thinking on that shower, you in that shower and that’s a one hit KO three times given.) (Fuck me, you set my blood to running.)
All of that’s speaking only a part of what you are to me, what’s in you I witness and what’s in you that brings me pride, astounds me. Fucking wonder of a man you are on all fronts, and I’ll say it long as I have breath for speaking or, eh, fingers for typing. You’re worthy everything, that’s so, and you are yourself sublime.
I’d like for you to see it in yourself. Someday, aye? We’ll find that for you, Talik. I’m set on it.
[ … ]
Fuck me, break’s ended. Got more message for you yet, so you wait for your Vevay, an
Couple of quick points also so’s not to leave you guessing
1, I get myself tested between partners, always aye, clean bill of health rn and all
2, There’s nothing I’m going to nevermind, and Talik, you’ve done no wrong asking
3, Fact is you are a very fuckable man to my eyes, and fact is as well I should like very much to have you, which is to say fuck you and make love to you yourself once there’s no harm of breaching contract
4, No rush ever, but christ alive you’ve got me knowing my own desire
5, 🧡🧡🧡
2/2
Right, so. Right.
[ … ]
Fucking radged with her all over again, and any of em treated you as[ … ]
What you’d asked, and my saying there’s nothing wrong in it. First to reaffirm, aye, there’s nothing wrong there in the least.
Condom or nay, the way I figure it’s safer testing than putting jesus’s hands to wheel. It’s be in your right demanding tests if anything’s to follow. Not to say you did demand. There’s nothing of the imperative in your speaking.
[ … ]
Worries me some, your thinking there may’ve been. Or what I mean’s it’s maybe telling, and I’m thinking that worry didn’t come out from nowhere. It isn’t your saying nor your thinking worries me, Talik. There’s nothing you can’t say, and that’s me speaking truth and invitation both. It’s only there’s reasons a man gets to thinking he can’t ask one thing or express a wish without panic settling in.
Aye, again, that’s no fault put on yourself. Worries breed a life of their own, wherever they’ve come from. Bears saying as well there’s nothing you can say that’ll send me off or drive me from my feelings for you. I’ve never been so capricious as all that.
Here, and even setting aside matters of safety and precaution, there’s nothing so much in what you’ve asked. Sex without a condom’s fair enough for asking. As it happens, your preference meets my own. Won’t say I’ve not fucked nor been fucked with condoms, but it ain’t my preference.
Even were it that, my preference I mean, there’s nothing harmed in asking. Not for that, nor for anything you’d like, aye, even if it sounds to yourself eh outrageous or extreme. That I said above holds here as well, that there’s nothing you can say’ll ward me off. (Short of suggesting you’d like to full on murder me, but I’m taking a wild guess and saying that ain’t your style.) (Clarification’s sake, it’s no wild guess and nay I don’t believe at all that’s you.) (…Also clarification’s sake, it has been said to me before. Won’t say I don’t enjoy it rough, but that’s as is said a bit far for my liking. :/)
Anything I’m lukewarm on, I’m usually game to try, and am good to talk about it beforehand. Anything that catches me with a hard no, I’d let you know, and talk about that also.
Whatever you ask and whatever you speak interest for, there’s no blame for you and no anger off of me. All that’s in existence is open for the talking, that’s truth.
Worth saying also I think, there’s no harm no shame either any time worry or say panic does arrive and speak itself. Those’re impulses take years to settle into quiet, and sometimes they never do hush up entire. That’s all right as well, Talik. Never a rush with anything, aye?
Truth.
Here and on this about worry, something else maybe needs to be said or I’d like to speak it, this about hiding.
I get your meaning, and I appreciate it, hold it dear. Thing is there’re some situation hiding’s a needless eh ‘dirty secret’ kind of meaning. Other situations, and I think you know which ours is, it’s down to preservation and lives tangled beyond fairness. Some secrets need keeping a while, and true it ain’t ideal, but true as well it’s necessity and it’s no final state of being.
Think it less hiding, more preservation for Sergiy, hey? Which means as well readiness to take what time’s necessary. I’ve got you and you’ve got myself throughout whatever’s to come across whatever time, and in the end we’ll have ourselves entire and out loud to any’ve got ears eyes or feeling.
Until all’s settled and secure and legality’s determined with your boy, there’s no injury in keeping secret.
[ … ]
Full disclosure, I’ve told Sen how I feel for you, and he knows the feelings not kept one sided. Asked him to keep it quiet just for now, and credit to the man, he knows where to keep words in quiet.
Far as my speaking goes with these I’m set to go drink with, we’ve got no worries from this group. Been at these convos for years now, and nothing gets beyond those present. Eh, save could be to partners, but most of them’re involved and the rest lack context anyrate, and’ve been sworn to secrecy. What we’ve got here’s sort of a sacred trust, aye? Can’t go badmouthing the orchestral powers that be if anyone’s got loose lips, that’s a fact known to all if nothing else.
My meaning’s I’m not going fast and loose with anything regarding yourself and I. Not for lack of wanting to, fuck knows I’d be pleased to sing it to all ears, but for the fact there’s lives at stake here, and more precisely your son’s and your own.
[ … ]
Something related. Something maybe I’m nosing overfar into, but I wasn’t sure of speaking it til I’d heard eh more a legal perspective.
That contract, aye, between you and she? [ … ] Fuckin sorry to bring up, wary the talk’ll be troublesome for you and ey Talik, no need to speak on it or read if you’ve no wish to. But there’s that bit you spoke of, a clause maybe, her being freed to whatever relations while you’d keep faithful, and you spoke something of her denied her eh right, aye?
[ … ]
That last there. Was that in the writing? Or I mean, eh, was the condition of it in the writing ah fuck, you don’t need to go telling me, sorry, sorry, eh, here. Here’s what I mean, no questioning needed. If there’s a condition written in, her being free to her relations long as there’s nothing going on between you and herself, it’s maybe worth looking at again. Given that, eh. Well. Given Sergiy.
Means there wasn’t nothing going on throughout, aye?
Course I don’t know the writing of it but eh, the group getting drinks, one of em’s a cellist, also happens to be a lawyer. Spoke with her some, vague terms but enough to ask the question, enough to hear some response. And depending how all’s writ and what lawyer’s lean toward and whatnotall, might be there’s been a breach of contract already and on her end. Might be there’s been breaching for a while now.
[ … ]
Like said, don’t know whether that’s anything, and if I’ve eh gone or spoke too far on this, fact is I’m sorry and fact is as well I don’t know sorry’s enough to cover it. Might be [ … ] something of hope in it, and I didn’t want to speak it without checking there’s at least that chance.
Probably here’s where I should end the message, eh. In the event I’ve done the foot to mouth maneuver or eh. Shite, I don’t know.
But it’s also for saying you’ve my thanks for that about your sister. Irisha, then, speaking here with you.
And likely you can guess it, but I’m cherishing those hearts of yours. Showed em off a few times, just to those around me, decent folks, verified.
Added to which, I spent the second half rehearsal thinking on that shower, and I’ll thank you very much for that.
Right. Heading off to the pub, phone coming with, and all my thoughts here yet with you, where I'd like them and I mean them best to stay.
3/3
Then, fifteen minutes later— ]
Right so. She says you'll want to have another set of eyes on this, American based if you can find em and I'd guess Darius has a few if no one else, and maybe a Ukrainian set as well.
But. Right, Ridley, eh she's this lawyer in question, she does work internationally, keeps up on eh nuances and
Fuck me.
Sounds like you've got a case here and then some, Talik.
That is, the way it's written or from what I'm hearing, Madeline's been breaking contract since the first eh relation she entertained after the two've you had yr own relations again.
Aye, and Ridley says there're some other details in there worth reading over with fresh eyes. More pieces not fitting right after what's gone on. Don't know as she can say much more but [ ... ] Talik, aye, might not be so much uphill fighting after all.
1/?
[ Assuming Nova does, he immediately sends enough to keep the pub tap flowing for the night. ]
Buy them all a round on my behalf. My thanks, and maybe - maybe, hopefully, please - something celebratory.
I'll let you know soon.
2/
I'm waiting still. Darius may be sleeping or fucking or whatever he does with his time now.
What Ridley says, I hadn't thought of this.
Please, don't judge too harshly: I didn't care what the contract said. I wanted to be away from her, that was all, so I told my lawyers to handle it. I signed, I had the general idea of it.
Of course they would have written it to aid me, I expected this, but I [...] grew so accustomed to its existence that I didn't think about how Sergiy would change things.
How you would change things. How the world may change in a week.
[...]
I have a question I want to ask a lawyer in the States in addition to questions of this contract. It's something I wonder because of the war, because of laws here.
It's complicated.
[...]
I think what she did, taking him from our home, isn't legalWell. Something to ask Darius.
[...]
I'm frightened to speak any sort of hope about this.
She could still take him and disappear, I might lose him because she feels threatened, I[...]
Hope for me, коханий.
мій зірковий.
3/4
Read this only when you're through with your friends, please. I dislike monopolizing your attention - truly. I want you to have a nice evening. We will have time for one another.
A lifetime, I hope.
First, thank you. Thank you for showing your friend, for opening a door in the wall.
Thank you, as well, for speaking all of this to me. (A reiteration here: I would rather you put this energy toward your friends just now. Please do focus on them, yes? For me, have fun. Gossip. Drink. Tell terrible bird jokes.
Please. It would make me happy to know you're having fun.)
And thank you for everything else. For existing. For being Nova, and my Nova, and for taking time with me. Having patience with me.
[...]
I wonder how many people have told you that I have [...] a bleak outlook. Iryna did, I know she did, because she doesn't
shut the fuck uprefrain from talking about it. Senan, then?It's worse than it was before I met Madeline, but I've always been [...] unquiet. It never goes away entirely, and I don't believe it ever will. It's simply...how I am, with only how I respond that makes a difference. I try to keep myself calm and not give in to the flashes of panic or [...] anger. Or dread.
My thoughts have almost a physical weight; sometimes it becomes difficult to breathe. I never feel quite at ease with others unless I've had a drink.
Or I know them, but even that's no guarantee of comfort.
It's only with other people. Only talking, guessing, trying to sort out what's right, how I should be, how I can be if I'm doing nothing of use. Left to myself or left with a goal, I feel [...] stable? No. Neutral, that word. Like with buoyancy, neither floating nor sinking.
The strangeness of you, Vevay, is that I don't always feel neutral in the silences between your messages. I feel doubt in sharp, sudden bursts, because this is strange. You and I are strange, how quickly we've [...] fallen.
For myself, how deeply and completely, like I've settled into some place that was always meant for me.
The doubt comes when I remember only a week has passed, and these things aren't possible. Shouldn't be. This is how hearts are broken, the kind of thing people mock for foolishness.
But I don't feel uneasy when you speak to me.
Not once have I doubted what you tell me. I'm not a gullible person; I'm more likely to distrust now than I was before, but I don't doubt you. You're as certain to me as breathing.
What I mean is - trusting you came as automatically as breathing.
When you see these moments of apprehension from me, please know it's only that I questioned the existence of air.
[...]
You quiet my mind in ways no one ever has, Vevay. It's as though, instead of shouting over the chaos, you slip under it and lift it away. I can see the lack of reason, the irrationality of my thoughts, but I don't feel ashamed, not berated by you. I don't feel disappointment from you.
Only a calm, certain faith.
[...]
I've only known you for a week.
And also.
I feel I'm known by you better than those who have been in my life from its beginning. You can reach me where no one else ever has.
Maybe one week is enough.
4/4
We can talk of places where you might like to live. [...] If there is somewhere you happen to share with me, please know that I feel it's necessary to have a birdbath and your head on my shoulder. Hedgehogs, as well.
My arm around you, if you let me.
The questioning from my mother was as you would expect. Where did I meet you, where are you from, who are your parents, etc. I told her only what I felt was reasonably her business. The rest is your own to share. It is guardianship, yes; it's also [...] not appropriate for me to tell people certain things about you.
...It's not safe to 'out' other people here. I don't do it, not even to my family. Talking about your family might have led to that conversation.
[...]
Sex, then.
I can [...] try to answer you.
It's easier if I think of it only as honesty with you and not as [...] being obscene. Somewhat.
It's also easier with vodka.
I have no trouble talking about this in person, or with sex itself; it's seeing the words I've written. Evidence that I've been 'vulgar'.
[...]
I meant that the condom wasn't a demand. Testing isn't optional, but it seems we agree on that matter. I mean to go this week. I don't have any expectations of you; I simply have healthcare here. I don't have health insurance in the States. It's best to do it now.
I have no interest in murdering you or anyone else except the person who said that to you.
[...]
[...]
'Rough' is vague, коханий.
Brutal? No, I won't be able to [...] accommodate you. I don't leave intentional wounds. I don't draw blood.
[...]
But something I've learned, Vevay, is that one of my hands can hold two wrists like yours in place against a wall. Or behind your back. I'm aware of a lot of possibilities that arise because you are so much smaller than I am.
I would never force anything on a lover. But 'forceful' is a different word, isn't that so?
It's a type of 'rough', like the way 'fucking' can be a type of 'making love'.
[...]
I prefer to go slow, forceful. To use my hands and bring my partner over and over, soothe them, excite them again.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for them, within reason.
...Nothing I wouldn't do for you, Vevay.
With someone like you, I take my time so I can feel everything. Every tightening and shiver. How a moan fills a kiss. How my lover draws toward breaking, then burns bright with release.
[...]
'Rough' could also mean 'fast and hard'. That's good sometimes.
Slow and hard is much more fun, though.
[...]
I'll say one thing more, then put my phone down and pretend I didn't type any of that, eh?
I want you, Vevay, in every way I can have you. I want to make you forget any hands but mine. When you're away from me, I want you to feel breathless when you remember what I did to you.
мій коханий, I doubt so many things about myself, but I know where I won't disappoint you at all. 🧡
[...]
The problem is texting about it. :\
1/?
[ … ]
How’s that for death and revivifying, hey?
J e s u s.
[ … ]
Jesus shite.
Got me with that, you did. Blood roiling tenfold and fuck me but you bear self surety with beauty itself.
Eh, surety and otherwise alike, only I mean to say you caught me out from nowhere with that.
Christ but you make a man go dizzy.
Send your star beyond astral.
[ … ]
Let me be that, your star, Talik.
Ey, and don’t you go forgetting! There's nary a way in this world, in any world counting you can disappoint me.
[ … ]
For record’s sake I’ll take the slow, the swift, and the soothing all.
Fuck. Me. Running.
2/?
Just now, got some pics to send. The crew sends their regards, aye, and their thanks for the drinks. Haven’t had a night like this in an age, that’s sure, and sure as well there’s plenty needed it.
You’ve got their fondness, Talik. I’d say you’ve got my own, only that’s given at this point, and anyways pics’ll show more than I’ve words to put just now.
We’re getting your Sergiy back. We’re getting your self back. That’s all certain and set upon.
Have to bring you meeting all this group sometime, I’ll cover drinks thereabouts aye. Aye and ftr, you may know myself as still reeling entire from those messages of yours, that last and every other.
And chrissake let it be known you’ve no trouble texting in least, or at the least your message’s got no trouble speaking through.
[ A series of photographs follows, post-rehearsal musicians in varying levels of intoxication and exuberance, many of them toasting the camera, some giving a thumbs up or an ‘ok’ sign.
With every image, Nova sends a brief caption offering names and instruments played, sometimes with brief highlights regarding the figures involved, sometimes with transcripts of whatever was being said at the time or with messages from those pictured to Vitaly, thanks for his largesse or/and luck with his endeavors or/and entreaties to take care of their Nova hey.
Most of the pictures were taken in haste, figures blurred in the background, some of the musicians themselves not quite held in focus. The pub around is clearly busy, and the atmosphere looks nothing short of celebratory.
Among the pictures are several including Nova, most of these taken and passed along to Nova by other members of the group. In one, he has his arms slung along a man and woman, all of them engaged in singing the chorus to an unnoted song. In another, he’s leaning precariously back in his chair, eyes fixed on the ceiling, grinning wide. Another shows him staring at his phone, eyes wide, smile speaking at once surprise, approbation, and anticipation. In this picture, there’s a flush to his cheeks, his hand’s caught halfway to his face - as if he’d intended to cover his mouth or rubs his jaw and been arrested partway through the motion - and he seems to have forgotten precisely how to breathe. With this picture, the caption reads simply, ’One of em caught me reading your message, aye you know which one. Not going to pretend there weren’t a few whistles following that. No pretending either they weren’t right to do so, nor that I didn’t half appreciate it. Sayin it again, Talik, you’re a marvel of a man, is what you are.’
The final picture of Nova, and the final image sent for the moment, is a selfie. Him with his chin propped on the knuckle of one folded hand, smile fond, expression still a mingling of stricken and smitten. The fingers of his hand are extended slightly, as if in the beginning of a wave, and his eyes are fixed on the camera, seeking Vitaly. The caption here reads, ’Thinking of you, now and always, christ alive.’ ]
3/3 BUT NOVA IS NOT THROUGH WITH U
My night sky and my day's break with a heart bettern gold.
Fucking honoured, I'm honoured hearing all this of you, and knowing your belief.
Feeling like, aye, I'm thinking you see my own. Faith in you, that I've got right through my bones, and that I'm keeping always.
You're a good man, that's so, and you're the man holds my affections, calls my affections to you.
[ ... ]
Shite, there's much wants saying but thing is I'm myself not entirely sober is the thing, and here I'm giddy to top it off, sets me reeling off past what middling hold I've got upon coherence on a good day.
That's you sending me giddy by the by, no fault and all laudation to you
I'm not through with words, my Talik. Give your Vevay an hour or so for sobering some beyond this here pub here, and there's more to come your way 🧡🧡🧡
1/2
He’d forgotten entirely - and intentionally - how much he prefers men despite how his interest in women has dwindled to nothing over the years. Has he ever been interested in women at all…? Never like he feels for Nova, at any rate. He wonders briefly, though, if it would matter if Nova was female, or if he still had those 'components'.
Well. He doesn’t think it would. But he’s finding he’s glad that isn’t the case; he’s finding he’s thrumming with his own eagerness for what is becoming more and more likely.
He nurses his second vodka of the night and thinks, yes, he’d like to fuck Nova, but - not running. The thought draws a small, closed-mouth laugh from him.
Vitaly lingers on the last picture, brushing his thumb along Nova’s cheek and jaw, letting the pad rest against his fingers. With a little effort, he can imagine the contact of skin against skin. ]
I don’t think any ‘running’ will be involved, коханий. The rest, I can do for you.
I like the look of you blushing; if I can draw it from you in person, I’d like to feel the heat against my lips.
[…]
I’ll stop there. I’m working myself into a state of longing that won’t find relief for some time. Even solitary, temporary relief is out of the question with perpetual cold water in the shower and my brother one bed over at night.
Better to focus on this other photo with your lovely eyes somehow fixed on mine, somehow seeing me across the miles. Now I have a second screen for my phone; I like to change them, you know. So today, you and your remarkable eyes are my lock screen, and Sergiy with Dodo is the background.
My reasons for happiness, the three of you.
[…]
I’ll never tire of looking at you, Vevay.
And please - don’t sober up. Enjoy your night. Have fun and worry about words tomorrow.
…There are things we’ll need to discussWe have all the time in the world, коханий. I’m certain of it.
2/2
For now, know that things have been set in motion, and it may be that so much sooner than “someday”, we -
Oh, Vevay, you can’t know how profoundly it shuddered me, to see you speak of Sergiy with “we”. How it filled me with such tenderness for you.
How well you care for me, for us, and without asking for anything in return but my heart.
Thirteen days. Thirteen, almost twelve, and I can say everything that burns inside me - to my Nova.
You may well be the hero of my story, do you know?
3/3 An Update
Forgive me, Vevay; I hope you reached home safely and are now sleeping your way towards only the mildest of hangovers. I would have liked to wish you goodnight.
Someone named Alice Colling contacted me; he is or his partners are Darius’s lawyers. I’ve been speaking with him on the phone since just past my last message to you.
Darius apparently has paid a good deal for them to handle my situation exclusively, which I did not ask him to do, but which I will not refuse, given the circumstances.You were right; the contract was invalidated. Or rather, it would have been. Apparently, it wasn’t legal in the first place. Not in the States. The courts won’t uphold compulsion or restriction of sexual congress in a postnuptial agreement.
This lawyer, Colling, is deferring further assessment to the senior partners; Colling is “shaky” with his understanding of certain international laws. I’ll have to wait until next week to consult.
He warns me that this may take months at minimum if Madeline decides to drag me through court for custody, but - there may be something she doesn’t know.
He advised me that it will be at least four weeks before it reaches a docket - and that I would do well to be discrete with my social life until then.
[…]
It raises concerns, though.
There are […] complications. I need to speak with you before anything begins.
You should know what hazard might be waiting. I didn’t think of it, so caught up was I in speaking with my Vevay, but […] well, that’s enough for now. We can speak of it tomorrow.
Sleep well, коханий. How I wish I could be beside you.
Dream of what life lies ahead. 💙
no subject
He’s startled away by a sound, sensation of the phone clutched still in his hand upon his chest. And behold, it is Vitaly! And also—
Ah, fuck.
There’s the message he’d intended to send, very much unsent. Yes he’d meant to sent the message and yes it’s also clear he’d botched the execution, and he’s scrambling into a sit, caught in a brief pause while the world sways around him yes but that doesn’t delay him long from reading, then responding— ]
Talik!!
Ey real fuckin sorry had a message didn’t the fuck recall to send it fk me, but the gist’s my appreciation all yr words and my hoping the nightsnt all unfriendly for you
[ … ]
Apologies, this mess Im in Been in and out drifting thinkin of you, here at this my sofa
Here fuck disgraceful this is, fk here gathering mself
[ … ]
[ … ]
Right, slow n steady
Glad you got hold with Darius. That lawyer too [ … ] Long convo to be havin shite Talik, you all right?
No matter on the waiting or complictions. Nothing there cant be figured, I say. Between you with brains and I in tenacity, is nothing stands a chance.
Also which,youve a way for driving a man eh myself mad and turning all to lightness also.
I’lll have to keep givin you pics for that screen, as I’ll ask you send your own for mine
Never can tire of see you, myself
And I meant that ‘we.’ I’m going to keep on meaning it.
[ … ]
Going to read this you sent again come morning, fresher minds to prevail But aye all these words from you and any words from you, anything about my Talik’s all I need for joy 🧡🧡
Dyou know it’s thikinim thinkingcant keep not thinkin what you sent ndNot getting arguments form me about runnin v not running c; Shivering a man throuh that’s your doing and bless yrself for it
Thinkin about thien hadns thats fact
[ … ]
eh fk right and aye m afraid to say that’s might be all the coherence I’ve got mustered atm, only atm
Wish you were here myself, or I there ah nay but you said your brother, so best you here
No matter or no much matter though, got thworld and all its hours ahead of us, like said like you yrself said and thing is Talik thing is my Talik is an
itnglintligclever clever man knows his meaning he doesHold any meaning counts, that’s you
Moja ukochana
dear n dearest Vitaly
My Talik
night and the most fond bright night from yr boyfriend 🧡
sometime mid-morning
Might’ve guessed it, but I did enjoy this night last, and aye I slept sound, in dreams of hands warm half past bearing (aye, but never unbearable, never less than wished for and I might here rightly invoke the fact of my own yearning for all you’ve spoke) (for burning and for shivers, and for waking up beside you, knowing silences gone full while Talik’s at my side) (clearest lacking of this morning’s waking up without you here with me, but eh, we’ll mend that also, given time and given changes toward circumstances, never rushed nor hasty) and in eyes like candle’s guiding lights.
Heard your voice within my sleep, that’s so, and knew my safety and my softness held in it.
This morning, pleased to report I’ve nary a hangover’s ache in sight, or nothing can’t be fixed with a few glasses’ water. Kicking myself still, that text unsent, and aye Talik, you’re Vevay’s sorry indeed to’ve crashed first without sending his goodnight.
Said it in my sleep to you, but then that’s never the same.
Shite and seeing I messed the words I meant to give you. Should’ve been ‘moj ukochany.’ Flummoxed the gender on that, state I was in, but here’s it put to rights
My Talik. My dear and my dearest Vitaly. Moj ukochany.
Better, that. Spoke the words aloud a few times, just to get it on my tongue. Spoke your name as well, as I’ve done daily and mean to carry on it saying.
Going to need finding better words for what you are to me in what passes for English (well and I know some words for it already, those that’ll keep themselves for holding til we speak, my Talik and I), but ‘ukochany’ catches my meaning set and certain, no denying.
Hope you got your own self into sleep, and that you’ve not been waked to overmuch chaos or discordance borne of footie or holes dug straight to center of the earth by dear Dodo.
Aye, and here before I go chattering for ages, there’s that you mentioned about conversations (or eh one long convo, suppose) with the lawyer and on complications. [ … ] Not pressing and no pushing, but if it’d something for cracking open now, your Vevay’s here with you. And if I do say so myself, I’ve a significant level more coherence for both cognition and talk than I brought to bear that last message of mine.
Worth saying happens I’m no stranger to complications, nor compunctions about facing em. And what faith I’ve got in you’s rooted lasting, runs deep, then deeper every word you send.
No fears, my Talik, and minced though I was last night, what I said then’s truth, that there’s not a thing we two can’t figure, nor’s that anything we can’t take on and best. Aye, I’ve got you, and you’ve got I, and Sergiy’ll be home sooner than not, so what’s to stand against us?
Nothing in the least, of course. Nor's there anything to keep us from that life ahead, long as it'll be, bright as it already shows.
1/3
[...]
And, true also, the thought of you wanting to return to me. A different warmth, this. The sense that, of all the world might offer you, you chose to return to just the dream of me. Strange, to think-
No, not strange, because don't I prefer your words above anything I could do with my hours? Don't I dream of you, as well, and wake thinking I feel you still beside me - though I've never felt you.
Andrii has taken up jokes at my expense; I apparently sighed your name in my sleep last night - which I am prone to do. Talking, not specifically speaking your name. Restlessness, you see. The more restless I am, the more I talk.
Between one thing and another, I am restless now.
Before I speak more to that, let me say this: your first message charmed me so. Even in the depths of intoxication, you are sweet, and I adore you. Even when you misgender me in Polish, Vevay, I am so delighted by you.
I hope [...]
No, I won't do this. No hoping for my own worth proven to you, equal to the trouble ahead. Instead, I'll say that I am grateful.
To you. To the universe that gave me you. To myself for knowing once, just once, the right moment, man, and words. (Even if the right moment and words are still ahead - twelve days! - I'm grateful.)
2/3
You've asked me several times what I do to occupy myself. My 'job'. I didn't precisely ignore you, but I may have sidestepped answering.
I don't have a 'job', per se. I have an inheritance which is [...] still substantial despite Madeline's best efforts to impoverish me. I have this, and I'm very good with money. Darius [...] helped. When we met, he made a number of advantageous introductions. Which is to say, I don't need to work.
I will never need to work.
Nor will Sergiy, though I hope to instill in him an ethic towards occupation of some kind.
[...]
My partner would be free to pursue his particular talents rather than[...]
I do research, in part, and publication of such. I also [...] work in an advisory capacity.
This is where the complications arise. I have a reputation, which sounds ominous, really. More attributable to Darius, but it's unfortunately true - and the moment Madeline begins to react to this divorce, I'm afraid I might draw attention.
[...]
Because of you, and what I want us to be.
[...]
The media is a large consideration. For me, I don't care. It doesn't trouble me, except that it might be untenable for you. So, please, consider carefully whether you want to be made into a public spectacle. We have options, Vevay; we could remain clandestine for a while and avoid that sort of attention.
Or we could simply weather it.
The other consideration is the attention it would draw from Russia. Yes, this sounds like catastrophizing, but it isn't. I've done something, you see -
I'd do better to show you. A moment, коханий.
3/3
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
3/3
1/2?
2/3
3/3
1/2
2/3
3/3
1/3
2/3
3/3
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/3
3/3
1/2
2/2
1/3
2/3
3/3
1
2
3/3
1/?
2/2
1
2
3
1/3
2/3
3/3
1
2
3
1/3
2/3
3/4
4/4
next morning 1/3
next morning 2/3
next morning 3/3
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4/4
1
2
3
4
1/?
2/?
3/?
4/?
5/5
1
2
1/2?
2/3
3/3
1
2
3
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
1/3
2/3
3/3
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
1
2
3/3
1/?
2/3
3/3
1/3
2/3
3/3
1/3
2/3
3/3
1/2
2/3
3/3
1/?
2/3
3/3
1/2
2/2
1/?
2/3
3/3
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/3
2/3
3/3
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)